Your Boyfriend’s Back…..Now What?

Labeling is terrible. In my humble opinion, to call a trend, an event, a happening, a misnomer, ( like the Dow IS the Stock Market, NO!, it’s just 30 stocks out of hundreds), a usual occurrence, or any other unnamed situation by a “cast in stone” name is laziness on the part of Journalists or unaware people.

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For example, when men have never married well into middle age, the common labels referring to them is “unemotionally unavailable, or having a “fear of commitment.” Here’s one of the rare areas where women get a break usually reserved for men. If a woman has never married or stayed single well into middle age, they are said to have a good list of excellent reasons not to get married. Here are just a few examples:

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1) They are still recovering from the awful effects of a long term break-up.

2)  Their busy lifestyle requires lots of travelling.

3)  They are simply focusing on their careers. It’s totally time consuming.

4)  Going through a well deserved “selfish phase.”

5)  Her standards have changed and she can’t find a “perfect man.”

6)  “I just don’t NEED a man.”

Now let’s be fair and give the guys a break. Do you think George Clooney finally “overcame” his “fear of commitment” and no longer feels “Emotionally Unavailable? Nope. I think the REAL answer is because of his lifestyle and high standards he FINALLY has met  “the one.”

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Recently sex and relationship expert and author Emily Dubberly said  to women “Life is too short to settle. Although you know you eventually want a relationship, there are times in your life when being single is a much better option.” So why wasn’t this also directed to men? In my personal opinion, I think the basic reason men hesitate about proposing is that he knows way down deep that he not ready, either financially or emotionally. And the other reason is the underrated truism, that he knows that he has not yet met “the one.”

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Now that I brought you up to date on the “modern” way to look at couples and marriage, lets go back to the title of this Blog. Heeee’s back and now what? You have to work with me here since we didn’t establish the history of your relationship with him and why it broke up. Did he leave? Did you boot him out? Now that he’s back, what does that mean to you? He’s been calling begging for a second chance or at least an opportunity to re-plead his case. Do you want to try again? If you know for sure that you still feel sorry about hurting him, think long and hard about how you may be hurting yourself if you take back a guy you were convinced, at that time, was totally wrong for you, (if not totally, then wrong enough.)  Maybe he left you and realized HE was wrong when he initiated the break up in a fit of overheated rage. Later when he cooled off, he realized that he really loves you. Did you think you loved him enough to work on getting back together? Do you want to get back with a hot head who can’t control his behavior, or are you a passion freak like in the books and movies? The description of how it happened and the details are yours, and so is the decision. So as the old Ella Fitzgerald “Too Close For Comfort” song lyrics (kinda) goes;” Be wise, be smart, behave my heart, don’t upset the cart, when it’s so close.”

Good Luck and make a wise choice.

I think many of your friends have or will face similar circumstances after a break-up. If you would be kind enough to send this blog to them via your e-mail list, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest or any other Social media you’re into, both they and I will appreciate your effort, and while you’re at it ask if they would do the same to their list of contacts.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also find me on my webpage   stophatingdating.com  or

http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

 

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Do You Turn Your Man Off And Don’t Know HOW?

Well, you do….the end. No just kidding, this is a serious and complex problem, much research and insight is required. It also needs to be looked at from both the male AND female perspectives. Ladies, I know sometimes when you say or do something that is uncomfortable for him, or do not do what is expected, it could cause him to feel that you are inconsiderate or even worse, you just don’t care about the consequences of hurting his feelings. Unclench the fists, unfold the arms, smile, hug and talk it out.

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Although men puff up their chests and egos to show the World how tough and independent they are, many guys, like me, are very aware of the little things and are overly sensitive when feeling underappreciated.

Here are a Few Examples of Some Mistakes in Manners that may Turn Him Off:

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1)  Not Showing your Gratitude when he Pays.  It seems easy to remember as a habit or knee-jerk reaction to always say “Thank You”, when he buys you Dinner when on a date. Writing an e-mail note, or making a phone call to thank him later that evening, or the next day, is also acceptable and appreciated. But when he does many things for you, and you don’t show you appreciate what he has done, he just may start feeling foolish for doing what he has done for you, and start looking elsewhere for someone who shows she cares.

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2)  Trash Talking.  No guy wants to be berated, or corrected for previous behavior from your last life, especially in a public place with prying eyes all around. If you have the need to bash him for, say example a previous woman in his life; first try to talk yourself out of doing it, and if that doesn’t work, smack yourself upside your head for being so dumb making him feel angry and defensive. Why would anybody have such a compulsive need to start a fight and ruin a perfectly good evening, (and eventually, a good relationship?) An ex-girlfriend is the example I’m using here, but I’m sure there are regrets from other fights you started about other subjects. First, say to yourself…What good can come from this? Then follow up with; Don’t tug on Superman’s Cape, he just may fly away.

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3)  Answering Non-Emergency Cell Phone Calls. Chatting with your girlfriends while with him is very rude. He should be your focus and you can always chat with friends or family later. In fact, it’s a good idea to leave your ringer off. If you know you may get an emergency call, tell him in advance and just check if it is in fact an emergency call, if you get a call from that number, it happens.

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4)  Don’t Talk Down to Him. Nobody enjoys being talked down to. You may not be aware that when you are defending; your career vs. his, your political party, or different religions, he may feel you are talking down to him, as if his choices don’t matter. These three subjects are highly contentious and personal, with little or no room for compromise. When you battle about these and other sensitive subject assume the end may be near.

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5)  Knowing When to Take a Hint. Men usually have code signals with their buddies, so they know when it’s time to do, or not to do “the thing we talked about.” Their code words don’t always work so well with women. As we know, women have very little problems carrying on a conversation. In fact sometimes they don’t pick up on what he says, and has no idea what he may be hinting at. This could be a source of frustration to many men, (how come my pals know and she has no clue?)  When a woman likes a man, and I mean REALLY likes him, she manages to start sleeping over his place, takes over the planning of their social life “let’s not see them, let’s go with my friends instead”. Soon she is picking out his clothes, and many other uncalled for and often upsetting changes he didn’t plan on. He doesn’t want to fight with her, but she is getting under his skin and on his nerves, so much so, that he eventually erupts into a relationship bursting rage. So ladies, pay attention, keep reading him carefully, don’t make him do what he doesn’t really want to do, most likely it will backfire. If he keeps on checking his watch, and appears to be jumpy, those are clear signals that he is ready for alone time, and soon!

Please let me know in the comment section, if you are familiar with a similar story. Friends watched their relationship gradually deteriorate, mainly because she didn’t appreciate him enough, HAD to get her way all the time and kept trying to change him in ways he quietly objected to. He didn’t like the little battles and skirmishes, but it led to overwhelming anger and eventually WAR and the break-up.

Will you please do me a favor? Would you mind sharing this Blog with your friends on your lists and ask them to share with the people on their  lists. I’m sure you have friends on your e-mail list in addition to; Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and other Social Media outlets. They will appreciate you sharing with them trying to help them in their relationship experiences. “A word to the wise is what friends do for each other.”

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You also can reach me at:    http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

my Website is:  stophatingdating.com

and Amazon is:   www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

Is it Worth Rescuing Your Relationship?

It could be as wide spread as turning around a first date that has lost it’s chance for a good first impression, all the way to a boring 50+ year long marriage, if you both care to rescue it, it can be done. O.K. now you can take a deep breath. Don’t you just hate those looong sentences? Sometimes I wish that I could write like one of my literary hero’s, Ernest Hemingway. I enjoyed his economical and unadorned style of writing. He wrote some of the greatest novels of all time; “The Sun Also Rises”, “For Whom the Bell Tolls”, “A Farewell to Arms” and a “special” favorite of mine which I read at 13, “The Old Man And The Sea”, (notice that even in his 6 word title, no word is longer than three letters.)

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“Fish, he said, I have love and respect you very much. But I will kill you dead before this day ends.” So pure, so simple, so direct, so different than others authors that bored me with their lengthy descriptions. James Michener once took three pages to describe a tree. Perhaps I’m exaggerating a tad, but you get the embellishment idea.

My apology Ernie, but today I have to be a little more detailed, verbose and effusive describing todays complicated subject matter. Try to visualize these 8 relationship problem areas while also thinking about how you would be going about fixing your own (if any apply).

The Top 8 In No Special Order

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1)  Who made up these Rules? I call them readily accepted truisms, but where is it written that these are the OFFICIAL RULES. a) When dating, women should expect to go to bed on the third date. Really? What if she’s not ready? I’m going to take a guess here…this RULE was made up by men. b) What about the 7 year itch? It seems to be common knowledge that one partner, (usually the man), will stray after six years of fidelity, (especially if it was with Marilyn Monroe). c) Here’s one I recently heard about called the “15 year immunity clause,” that means if you can make the marriage last 15 years, it will last until “death do us part.” It didn’t work for me, twice. I wonder what the facts really are.

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2)  Problems communicating. Guys usually don’t like small talk. They also don’t pour out their heart to a close buddy. Women are different. Most women I know can’t get their guy to talk about their problems, so they have a close trusted friend to pour her heart out to. I think it’s critical for the salvation of the relationship that she has to convince him to at least “start to talk about us.” That’s usually when you hear those oft said words from him, “I didn’t know you felt that way, how come you never told me,” DUH?

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3)  Intimacy awareness. He’s ready, she’s not. He’s angry at her unwillingness to do her “womanly duties” to make him happy. She can’t understand why he is such an “animal,” and can’t comprehend that she’s tired, not feeling well and not in the mood for another wham! bam! thank you mam! ZZZZzzzz.  It’s really so simple to work out. Just be honest and accept your partners excuses. If they are not interested in sex at that moment, maybe they will tomorrow, discuss it then. No emotion needed, just open, honest communication. Sounds easy right?

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4)  Compromise. That’s a key word in a relationship. When you’re single you do what you want to do, unless a friend talks you out of it. However when you are together and you determine that she wants her choice at a seemingly 90% level and you want yours at about 30% degree of desire, just read her correctly and be wise to give in. Maybe you’ll “win” the next time. You can try to keep score if you like, and if you feel she is getting her way a disproportionate percentage of the time, then discuss it civilly. I had that situation once. She was very frequently demonstrative and emotional about seeing her choice of movie NOW. I really didn’t care that much, so I always deferred, until I was anxious to see my movie, so we discussed it, and I won. She didn’t like the headlock I put her in then pinning her down with my knees on her arms and counting her out, it surprisingly made her a tad cranky. But sometimes you have to assert yourself. As my Pappy used to say “Don’t let them crap on your head, Open your mouth.” YUCK. Please don’t take that literally.

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5)  The truth will set you free. When I stopped lying my life totally changed. Since I was getting older and more forgetful, I was also forgetting my lies. I called them all little white lies so her feelings wouldn’t be hurt, but some lies were beyond little and white. If you pay attention to politics and the media, people who get caught lying are usually in much more trouble than those who admit it and get it over with.  Hiding the truth about ones inability to stop shopping continuously building up credit card debt will be a huge problem when it is revealed. Also concealing baggage (secrets) about; former family members, friends, older children, exes, business relationships, and legal problems could cause huge often unresolvable predicaments.

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6)  Shy or sly in bed can make you cry. Even if you’re not really in the mood, I suggest cuddling. The simple act of togetherness or just touching body parts can create a surprising sense of sexual intimacy. If you are a women, you know it takes a while to get interested (turned on), so initiate the closeness yourself, it just may turn into something delicious. As you realize, you must go very slowly at first. If he senses you’re horny and ready, he’ll pop a woodie and jump you well before you are ready. Try to slip him a Valium instead of his normal Viagra.

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7)  Nothing is perfect. Especially us as incredibly diverse human beings. If you make up a list of what you want/need in a mate, you may be disappointed that the list of physical attributes can’t overcome some disturbing emotional malfunctioning. So you really have to re-think your physical perfection list, and add important personality requirements that  should zoom up to the top of your list. Here are a few four letter words to add; Good, nice, kind, wise, talk, care, and the most important one…someone who can truly LOVE.

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8)  Keeping the romance alive. In the beginning it was amazing. Charisma at first sight, followed by Fireworks! Sparks! and Explosions!  They couldn’t keep their hand off each other, even in public. He wanted sex hourly. She had a big smile on her face but was tired, worn out, but she only felt complete and fulfilled when he was inside of her. Gradually old man time with his cohorts; boredom and routine took over. Now, even though she’ll never initiate anything sexual because of the fear of being rejected, she still misses the lovemaking. He seems bored, distracted and into beer, sports, porn and those challenging video games with his buddies. He has to start over to rekindle the romance. Start saying complimentary things, hug her whenever you see her, tell her how happy you are with her and start doing the physical things to rekindle the flame. The initial lust may be gone, but that doesn’t mean you must drop off to zero. He will find out that by improving his lovingly affectionate actions, the romance, love and sex will come back. When you love each other, keep working, (it’s really more pleasure than work) to keep the romance alive. It will pay off in incredible emotional and physical rewards. Just make dates to do fun or romantic things the way you did when you were active lovers.

I hope my words will stimulate you to stimulate your mate. Be kind, be thoughtful, be talkative and I know the love you once had, will have a greatly renewed chance to be revived.

I love to write and I LOVE to write for YOU.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also find me at http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick

or http://www.facebook.com/101WaystoStopHatingDating

or http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

 

Can Great SEX Overcome Annoying Habits?

Good friends are hard to find…and keep, (kinda like Soul Mates). So if this story seems quite familiar, and you remember their “real names,”  let’s just keep it between us. The second two names I just thought about using was Jack and Jill. I tried to scroll the list of all the names of couples I learned about growing up, and decided not to use Adam and Eve, my obvious first choice.

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Jack waited until he was in his mid-forties until he decided that since he loved Jill so much, he was ready to tie the knot. He was so proud to be with her, loved her looks, couldn’t keep his hands off her, the sex was great and she was very intelligent. What more could a guy wish for?

Soon after moving in together, cracks started to appear in their “perfect” relationship. He was a saver and she increased her spending dramatically claiming, “Now that there are two incomes, there is so much more to buy.” He was a neat freak and she was content to wait until “later” to clean up the mess she had made. They each talked about what bothered them, but in a cute loving way. “I love her/him so much it’s impossible to be 100% totally compatible, we’ll work out the little glitches,” they were fond of saying to their closest friends.

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Jill remembered very clearly that the “little” problems between them exploded the memorable night she got up and felt her way into the master bathroom attempting to tinkle in the dark. She had no idea he had forgotten to lower the toilet seat…..again. He, was blissfully dreaming when he was suddenly awoken mid-dream by the shrieking sound of Jill in distress. He jumped out of bed and ran toward the sound in the pitch dark bathroom and flicked on the light. Unfortunately for him, (but later on fortunately for his divorce attorney), Jack couldn’t stop laughing hysterically at the sight of Jill only with her head, arms and lower legs sticking out of the toilet bowl, involuntarily splashing her shivering private parts in the cold water.

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That was the event that they both referred to as “the unceremoniously opening of Pandoras Box.” All those previous cute little difference’s were now being blown out of proportion being described in x-rated profanity The name calling had started and they were at each others throats trying to remember why “I even fell in love with this asshole in the first place.”

I had dinner with him a couple of months after the finalization of their divorce, and Jack was hesitant even thinking about starting to date ever again. “It seemed so perfect in the beginning now it’s over. How do I protect myself from it ever happening again?” We both agreed to do some research and try to find the solution.

I told Jack that I had read an article about Dr. John Gottman, director of Seattle University’s “Love Lab” and founder of the Gottman Institute, that have studied thousands of couples for decades. He claims that there are “Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse.” He claims these four traits are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism includes attacking your partners personality, “why are you always so late?” Contempt is constantly putting your partner down, “you’re stupid for believing that.” Defensiveness is rebuffing your partners complaint with one of your own, (kind of like tit for tat). Stonewalling means clamming up and refusing to discuss anything at all.

If the intent is to mutually resolve the difficulty between you, then you can look for a highly recommended relationship counselor nearby your home and take classes together for resolving your particular issues. You’ll learn that stopping the hurtful accusatory words will go a long way in resolving your problems.

So Who Will Make it as a Couple?

It really boils down to good communication.Two-thirds of couples claim that their spouse often made them feel good about themselves, whereas only about one quarter of unhappy couples could claim the same thing. The rule to remember: Even if you assume your partner already knows how you feel, that he/she is smart/funny/sexy, or that you’re very grateful for the “things” they do, it’s still vey important to reiterate your appreciation for each other often.

What’s the Main Cause for Divorce?

Most people think it’s the highly dramatic ones like adultery or domestic violence but they are wrong. The main reason is a “soft” one, “We just grew apart.”

Advice on How to Make it Work

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Don’t assume that since you don’t fight constantly or get into jealous spats that all is O.K. You both need to think about improving the soft side of your relationship, In particular, doing things together. Learning to play a sport and taking bridge lessons together, taking that cooking class, or even taking Ukulele lessons together, will add additional sparks. The reason is that your togetherness creates dopamine, a chemical in our bodies that is released into your blood stream. It also was released when you first fell in love. Staying in love is not that hard; keep up the mutual respect and do fun stuff together.

It takes a concerted effort to avoid ennui (boredom). Think about all the things you always wanted to do, or try, or see, or listen to, or visit, and plan on sharing them together.

I love to hear from you. Take a few minutes and write a couple of sentences in the comments section about your love story.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Visit my Website at:  www.stophatingdating.com

or visit me at  www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

buy the e-book from  http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

 

 

 

10 Types of Men to Avoid

What inspires me to write a blog? First, I welcome those wonderful middle of the night epiphanies. I’ve learned to keep a pad and pen on my night table and to switch on the light, so hopefully what I attempt to write down will be legible in the a.m. Notice I said, “switch on the light,” because I’ve learned through trial and error that scribbling some ideas half groggily at 3 a.m. in the dark turns into Farci, Yiddish or Mandarin in the early light of day. I also read a lot, and if I find something that I think would appeal to you, I use that concept and run with it. Sometimes it is so well written that I shamelessly “borrow” more than I should (In a state of total envy) and give them the credit they deserve for their writing skills. This Blog was “influenced” by Norine Dworkin-McDaniel who is a Special Contributor to Lifescript, an excellent newsletter for women. Her article was titled “7 Types of Men to Avoid.” I added; three more types, changed most of her wording, and added some of my special brand of humor. I think it will be very informative and quite helpful for you to realize these types of guys are out there, all of them eventually ending up breaking your heart.

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1) Mr. Jealous.  It may take you a while to discover, but he probably has learned by now to cover it up well. He has little or no self-confidence. His insecurities will eventually drive you crazy; he needs you to comfort and praise him constantly, including trying to be positive and complement him for the “good parts” of his messing up. He just can’t handle the truth because it’s too painful. Living a long life with this type will cause YOU real pain.

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2) Mr. No-Moneybags.  These guys not only exude lots of charm but they also seems to be so financially comfortable. They, unfortunately have Rolls Royce tastes and Kia budgets. Their special skills lay in their ability to find women with money. He does special research using his pre-war windup computer to locate grieving widows (by reading the Obituaries daily), locating women with trust funds who were never married, and women older than he, who initially are only looking for a classy man to escort them to charity balls and the like. He eventually manages to get into their hearts and wallets.

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3)  Mr. Marry-Go-Round.  This type has little or no respect for the institution of marriage. For him it is only a piece of paper tied into a fault free, and payment free pre-nuptial agreement. Before marrying, he tells his bride-to-be that in order to protect his assets, his lawyers insist on him having a pre-nup that says he doesn’t have to pay out one cent until you reach, (pick a number) 2?, 3?, or even 5? years of marriage. You can bet your bottom dollar that he has already filed to break up the marriage well before the deadline date.  He probably has been out looking to trade you in for a newer model.

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4) Mr. Peter Pan Syndrome.  Although his birth certificate claims he is in his 30’s or 40’s his behavior is 100% Frat boy. His favorite activity is sitting on the sofa surrounded by beer, appetizers, chips and his best buddies playing video games,  jumping and screaming as if they have just won the lottery. They are on a first name basis with the “best” bartenders in town, and always ready to go on a fishing trip (usually to Las Vegas, the only fish in Vegas are at the tables.) You learn to love his spontaneity and sense of adventure by para-sailing over the beach in Cancun or Acapulco, but when you really need him, it’s like asking a 10 year old for help and emotional support. Yes, your Peter Pan will eventually grow up into a perennial bachelor, who still cares more for the latest video game rather than having a serious relationship with you.

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5)  Mr. Heavy Baggage.  Hardly anybody comes into a potential relationship totally unencumbered. There usually are; children, grandchildren, ex-spouses, alimony payments, ex’s children and their families. Add in the debts, lawsuits, business problems, crazies lurking around the corner or online, brothers, sisters, weird friends, health problems, pets and prior in-force contracts, just to name a few. Do you really need any more? Here’s how to root them out into the open. Ask to meet “the family” as soon as you two talk about commitment or have had the “together forever” pledge. When you do meet them, try to find an unhappy member of the group and talk to them privately. Ask a few probing questions. Are you unhappy? Why? What’s going on in the family? Be prepared to jump back to avoid the angry words spewing from their mouth. Time to hit the road and leave the guy with the baggage behind.

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6) Mr. Mama’s Boy.  He is so nice. It’s rare nowadays that you can call a person nice. It’s the nicest four letter word we can use in describing another. He is also kind and affectionate, well trained in the kitchen and laundry. Unfortunately he is hung up on another woman-his mother. I’m sure it’s not the fantasy threesome you had envisioned. Mom is super competent. She manages his checkbook, his investment portfolio, real estate (where he is to live), politics (who he will vote for), and other means of controlling his every decision. If you push him to choose sides, guess who loses….and don’t let the door slam you in the tush as you are leaving, mostly for your sanity.

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7) Mr. Permanent Bachelor  You find it impossible to believe that the guy you just dated for the first time is still available. Why hasn’t someone grabbed him up until now? He is so handsome, so smart, so funny, so financially stable in his own successful business, such a perfect gentleman, and his kisses melt you like ice cream outdoors in summer. After a few more dates while you are daydreaming about your white picket fence future, he then apparently reads your mind and disappears, out of your life forever. He left so quickly that when you look down, you can see his skid marks on the tile floor. If he was ever asked if he has found Mrs. Right yet, he would reply, “No, not yet, but I’m still looking.” With a perennial bachelor, there is no Mrs.right and probably never will be. But women’s nature rears up and says, “I’ll be the one.” but if no one has been Mrs.Right, you probably won’t be either.

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8) Mr. Egomaniac. I guess because I hate braggarts so much, I think I have a Bill O’Reilly/Donald Trump personality detector and all egomaniacs set of an internal alarm. Not everybody has one. Too bad, these guys will Superego you to distraction. Usually they are brilliant, accomplished and have an unflagging braggadocios belief in their own superhuman infallibility. He usually doesn’t like competition. Although he claims to seek out an equal, if you outshine him he will retaliate to knock you down while rebuilding himself up again. Some ego driven men think nothing of embarrassing loved ones in public to re-assert themselves, especially in their own minds. Many women are smitten with the strong, silent, tough guy type; Clint Eastwood in his prime and Big John Wayne could certainly make your day. Nowadays, I even heard some women talk lovingly about Chris Christie because, “He’s tough and he would fight for me.”  Most people with his demeanor are just loudmouth bullies, plain and simple. Hit the road before this macho bully ruins your life.

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9) Mr. Not Good In Bed.  Woman talks her intimate partner into going to a sex doctor. The Doctor addresses them and says, “I understand you have a sex problem.” the guy says, “I don’t have a problem, she has the problem, she comes too late.” Sexually experienced women know the difference if the guy is not a good lover. He doesn’t kiss well (and you don’t want me to go into what bad kissers do or don’t do) You’re welcome. But there is more to being good in bed or being a good lover. Touching, tenderness, erotic contact with words and physical contact well before the actual act, is a necessary build up for a woman. She wants to feel desired, her body is a beautiful compilation of skin and nerve endings that should be played as if you were playing a Stradivarius violin. It takes time. Her lover must use his lips, tongue, fingers and all over gentle tactile massage to get a woman ready for what should last hours, not one minute. He wants to ejaculate so he can go to the refrigerator then turn on the TV and watch the game, or what’s even worse, watch porn. Having sex and making love are two different things that many men no nothing about. Good luck trying to train them. Give it a shot before you drop him, your efforts just may be rewarded.

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10) Mr. Control Freak. I’m a sucker for nature shows especially where they depict animals in deadly combat for survival. Last week I saw a battle between a large alligator and a huge Boa constrictor The Boa eventually squeezed the life out of the gator, eventually unhinged it’s jaws and swallowed it whole. I know it’s a stretch, but dating a Control Freak is like gradually having the breath being squeezed out of YOUR body. It starts innocently enough, but by the sheer strength of his will, you will be eating at the restaurants he wants, watching the movies he picks, and hanging out with only his friends. If he is the typical Control Freak, he will be dictating everything, from what you are wearing, to how you spend your free time. His obvious concern and attention is surely flattering, so you start to believe it’s all about you, but one day you wake up and ask, Where did I go? Who am I? The best way to avoid being in his grasp is to be aware of his behavior early on. If he seems too involved in ALL your activities and tells you what to do, who to see and where to go and with whom, a bell should go off in your brain. He always expects you to agree with him and if you dare not to, he will berate you until you see it his way. Don’t allow it to continue because that Boa Constrictor is trying to remove all your ability to object and to defer to him, totally micromanaging you, by then it’s too late. In summary, as soon as you realize he is a control freak…. Run-don’t walk-away.

Have you been a victim in the past? Do any of these 10 types of the wrong men remind you of a current relationship? Get out before you potentially waste the best years of your life (including your childbearing ones), with a guy who will only break your heart.

Please comment below.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Reach my Website at    www.stophatingdating.com

or reach me at http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or  www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

or  http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

Ever Wonder WHY We Fall Out Of Love?

You met, you looked deep into each others eyes, all your glands and organs kicked in, and you knew you just met the guy you always dreamed about. I have an urge to write “and they lived happily every after,” because between you and me, I need to take care of those little nagging things that always seem to pile up. I have to get my pills refilled, need to restock “survival food” in the fridge, return lots of phone calls, tweets, e-mails, texts, blog follower comments and lots of other little things. BUT….I wrote the headline, I know what I want to say about WHY we fall out of love, and I haven’t written a blog in a few days, hopefully keeping my blog readers still following me. So thanks a lot for the session on the couch Doc, and here we go.

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We all have experienced that amazing feeling of finding a new “love.” But reality, in the form of a little, grinning, red-horned Devil that has LOTS of experience, knows that it probably won’t last. He is grinning because that little bastard knows he will enjoy watching us feel upset, confused, and eventually, depressed. Even if you decide to make it work and hang in there, there is no guarantee of ever-lasting love. It fades. So I wondered, do people really fall OUT of love? If so, what can we do to make love stay? Here are three pretty strong reasons for causing love to end.

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1) Clamming Up About Feelings. We know that men are generally responsible for this problem. Ladies public rest rooms usually have a sofa, so when the women leave together you know  “freshening up” is not the real reason for the conference that is about to occur. Your friend is visibly upset about HIM clamming up. She needs a good friend, (or often an understanding stranger will do), to discuss her problem with him. Many men have little or no ability to discuss communication problems within the relationship. Most women want to discuss the situation as well, to see what can be done to develop an open and honest connection with each other. Most men, being the strong silent types, have no interest in discussing feelings, emotions or anything that could save her sanity. He’ll just use the blame game, “You’re acting like a broad or little girl” and “It is what it is.” Dumb comment because EVERYTHING is what it is. So if they can’t arrange to get together to talk it out, they gradually will fall out of love. Remember, open minds make for lasting love, closed minds, silence and the blame game causes the relationship to end.

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2) Sometimes For No Discernible Reason We Tend To Push A New Love Away. Why? That’s a good question. It happens when a somewhat negative person feels the glass is half empty and panics. She may be pushing a caring and available guy away by diminishing his worth. A self-imposed panic sets in when she realizes that because this guy has the ability to get inside her head and heart, if he breaks up with her, it will be emotionally devastating. It’s kind of a projected self-defense mechanism that converts into apprehension, then to fear. I know you recognize that real love is all consuming and involves trust and a leap of faith, which can be scary. My suggestion to you is, if you feel the hesitation; clam down, go slowly, and give love a chance to grow, eventually your fears will diminish.

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3) Love Fades. No matter how incredibly passionate the love affair is, and no matter how much love you feel including all the erotic, romantic, loving things you tell each other, sooner or later it will fade, it has to. You can’t possibly keep up the newness, excitement or intensity. People evolve, relationships become routine and perhaps the level of excitement is greatly diminished. Then what?  Is it over? Are you out of love? The secret is not to neglect the person you care about. Holding hands, a surprise kiss on the lips or the neck can bring sparks, surely not enough to start a fire, but enough to remind them you care, and are in it for the long haul. Both of you are responsible for making the love last. You just have to decide to give that partner what he or she needs most.

Practically speaking, love doesn’t have to last decades or even a lifetime to actually matter. Romantic relationships can gradually evolve into friendships, it doesn’t have to end; it’s just redefined.

I am looking forward to reading your comments about your (or a friends, wink, wink) relationship and how it impacted your life.

I love to write and I LOVE to write for you.

Thanks ,

Marty

HDCoverframed

http://www.stophatingdating.com  is my website, or you can also reach me:

http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick        http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

I Want a Guy With a BIG……………..heart

O.K. ladies hold on to your socks, this is going to be an interesting read. You may be drained and all pooped out, but it will be a hell of a rough ride. To be perfectly frank, I have been too nice, too polite, too obsequious, (compliant or subservient), now it’s time to toughen up and be as rude and crude as some of my female blogger friends. Women have always wanted equality. Well, in terms of SEX and raunchy SEX talk, you’ve got it now, (not yet in equal pay for equal work, but we’re working on it).

As far back as I can remember, teeny bopper girls have always shrieked at male musicians, movie, or TV stars. I never could figure out what they were carrying on about; “He’s so cute, I’d love to kiss him, love to date him.” from Sinatra to Justin Beiber, girls have been non-committal about what they wanted to do with them. The boys are different, we looked at Playboy and loved the tits, ass, sexy red lipstick, or exposed tongues licking or sucking any phallic shaped object. The boys knew what they wanted. Today the girls are very descriptive, just like the boys. “I wonder how large his dick is? And how it would feel deep inside of me.” Female gossip in newspapers, magazines and websites, talk about the latest new guy in Hollywood who just joined the list of those that are hung like stallions.

Statistics show that today’s women watch porn as much as men, but prefer the ones with; better acting, more romantic plots, quality appropriate music, all looking and sounding like an authentic love story, and of course ending with the obligatory sucking and fucking scenes, but in a more sensitive, romantic way. For much of the younger set from 18 to 30, “Friends with Benefits” is close to the norm. Women want sex and they are out there looking for it. Many times, they are the aggressors, even in public places. Starting with finding what they want, then playing innocent kissy-face that turns into heavy necking, dry-humping while dancing to see if they can get the guy aroused. At that stage it’s easy to grab his dick and lead him to a private place; hers, his, or a friends pad for sport fucking. It could even be really romantic and not rushed especially if roommates aren’t home yet.

Today, both genders are avoiding marriage for a much longer time than ever before. Men are waiting to 29, women to 28. Lack of good jobs, too little income or just wanting to “sew more wild oats,” or a combination of these and many other factors has created a whole new younger generation.

Let’s move on to the couples in their 30’s and above that are into a committed relationship. Women are not necessarily in it forever, like their mothers, aunts, and grandmothers dreamed about. If the guy “changes” and turns out to be not what she expected in the bedroom, she is just as likely as he to initiate breaking up.

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Here are interesting statements that five different women recently told me what they are looking for to keep the relationship flame alive. These are not in any particular order. They just represent the primary emotional and /or physical needs these different women crave.

1) “My favorite four lettered word is NICE. I also need Brave and Smart.”

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She started by recalling that she clearly remembered watching the Wizard of Oz movie when she was 10, especially the scene when Dorothy met the 3 characters on the yellow brick road. She also recalled the major qualities she admired from The Straw man, the Tin man, and the Cowardly lion. As she was growing up, she always dreamed about having a man who was a combination of all three; A good brain, a guy who will protect her from all danger, plus having a big heart.  When I reminded her how difficult it could be to find a guy with all three traits, I asked her if she would be able to prioritize and narrow it down to just one quality. She thought for a while and finally said, ” If I was limited to have only one of those three special characteristic in a mate, I’d have to go with a genuinely nice guy with a Big Heart.

2) “I personally can’t stand cheap or frugal, so I need a generous guy.”

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It’s not about giving gifts of jewelry or other showy things that are important, it’s about being a giving, caring person that never forgets a birthday or anniversary. It’s about consideration of the other person, “What can I do for you, I’m going out, what can I get for you?” Generosity begets generosity. When one partner is giving, it encourages the other partner to want to give back. Loving reciprocity is the backbone of a solid relationship.

3) “I thrive on the Romance, I need to be Wooed.”

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“I’ve had several romantic relationships in my life and the best part, by far, is in the beginning, when you can’t say enough loving things to each other, and can’t wait to jump into bed. And just like clockwork the cockwork dwindles after about three months. A guy just loses his romantic impulses, settles in, and takes you for granted. Where did the passion go? Where did the kissing, touching, feeling, love talk, and those erotic naked showers we loved so much, disappear to? It was so incredibly MUTUAL back then, now I hesitate because I don’t like to go where I’m not invited, no matter what the history has been. Sorry Charlie, or whatever your name is, I need to be wooed. I need the love talk, your fingers on my body parts, the occasional card or flowers for no reason, except that you loved me”. So guys, the takeaway for you is ..don’t settle into a boring routine. She needs the attention and the love talk and the lovemaking even after you get engaged, but especially after you are married. Keep it, and her alive. You wooed her once and you won her, you better keep up the wooing, or you’ll lose her.

4) “I need Someone who cares about ME, even as I get Older.”

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A 42 year old woman told me she has been in long relationships with three different types of men; a high powered hard working glib Lawyer, an ultra-confident business executive who worked long hours, an-ex pro athlete who retired to a life suddenly without the fame, but managed to manage his money and charitable involvements very well. Each had his good points, but to be truly caring for your so-called Soul Mate is a rare commodity. They all had strong ego’s but did they all put themselves first? Who is she married to now? It really doesn’t matter and I can’t tell you because she didn’t tell me. But one of these guys loved her very much and cared to make her feel loved. She said they are still very happy because they both want to wake up next to the person they love, knowing that each wants the best for the other without expecting something in return.

5) “The Chemistry between US makes the Sparks Fly.”

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It’s really hard to define. What does the chemistry between us feel like, and what is the best way to define it. It’s the unexplainable, elusive SOMETHING. A chemical reaction that happens to both of you, and you just can’t get enough of each other. Every single kiss, every oral suck, or clitoral nibble, or deep penetrating stroke, feels so much better than the one that just preceded it. People say it feels like an electric current is attached to every extremity. You can’t wait for the next little shock and won’t think about stopping until you achieve an astounding, mutual, nuclear, body rattling, series of screaming orgasms. Now you must concentrate on catching your breath, and hopefully get back into a normal breathing pattern, before your lover starts thinking about calling 911 for the oxygen to save your life.The initial physical attraction can start as soon as your eyes make contact, or some grow into it as inhibitions are gradually reduced. It is important to know that there are non-visual cues that may be driving you. So when you feel the chemistry together don’t overthink it, just go with it, and keep a small oxygen canister nearby.

I have been reading and studying other Bloggers and many just let the profanity fly. This is my first attempt at stream of consciousness, off the cuff, winging it. Please tell me how you feel and what you are thinking. Should this style be encouraged or be altered?

I love to write and I LOVE to write for you.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

http://www.stophatingdating.com

You can also find me at:

http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick    and    http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating