He Said “I Love You” Daily, Then He Left. Know Why?

 

I wasn’t there to observe both of you during your relationship, so I can’t positively say I know for sure why he left. But I have a pretty good Idea why.  Men suffer from a variety of maladies when it comes to making and keeping a commitment; some get cold feet, some met and test drove the latest “model,” others couldn’t stand the constant nagging, (I heard you just say not me, good for you, happy to hear you’re not a nagger), and some are guys that are just not cut out for permanency, because way down deep they are Emotionally Unavailable.

McKays_main

Before we get into the why? and other questions, let’s take a look at the “good ones.” Scot  McKay of X & Y Communications, is a successful professional Dating Coach who has invited me to be interviewed on his Radio show this coming Tuesday June 3rd. I think he is super. Check him out on You Tube, where he discusses the following Four things a woman wants from a man;

1) Masculinity- A man who is not afraid to make decisions. Someone who is happy to get involved and discuss options with you. Not afraid to compromise. Someone who exudes confidence without super ego or bragging.

2) Ambition- A man who has a plan, strives and works hard towards a realistic goal.

3) Security- All women want a man that makes her feel safe. If there is a noise downstairs in the middle of the night you are sure he will take care of it.

4) She KNOWS he loves her and would never leave or cheat. TOTAL TRUST.

INTERROGATIVE

Use the big 6 to figure it out;  Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Now getting back to why he left, there are six questions for you to answer:

WHO? may have influenced him to change his mind? A friend? a relative?

WHAT? specific event made him upset enough to change his attitude towards you, at least for a while, while he “cooled off.” Which means reviewing your relationship.

WHEN did it happen? Try to recall what event(s) led up to it and what specific communication (or lack thereof), happened right after.

WHERE did he go,? either with or without you, that a Significant Emotional Experience( S.E.E.) might have happened that could have turned him against you.

WHY did it happen? Could it have been the frequency and intensity of the intimacy between you. Did you have insightful thoughts at the time (you know, the ones without excuses or rationalization), that there is something missing in the bedroom? Did you discuss it with him? Did you pay attention to what he said? Did you try to be sexier or try new things to awaken his lagging libido? Be honest!

IM_LYING_by_mish_maniac

HOW did it happen? Did he follow the script of those lying asses who tell you they “Love you” on Monday, “Crazy about you” on Tuesday, “Adore being with you” on Wednesday, “Can’t live with out you” on Thursday and Friday he says “I’m leaving, I can’t take it any longer, it’s over, I’m outta here, and poof, he’s gone.

It’s Time to be Honest and Figure it out.

After you review the situation you think up several reasons; I didn’t do anything wrong and I’m totally fault free (It’s the normal knee jerk first reaction to the blame game), or he was really schizophrenic all along and I guess I didn’t see it, or I did see it and rationalized it away, or I guess I do have some fault because I didn’t notice all his gradual changes, and finally, I should have known it was an impossible challenge from the beginning because no other women has made him stay in a committed relationship, he obviously is “Emotionally Unavailable.”

A Bachelors Life

pp_square_clooney

The well known so called “life long” bachelors like Derek Jeter of the N.Y. Yankees, Warren Beatty who didn’t wed until he was 55, Jack Nicholson, still dating now into his late 70’s and George Clooney, now 52 and recently engaged, have/had been single for so long that anything short of saying “I Do” showed a lack of commitment.  I think there comes a time when even the ones that claim that they will never marry (like Clooney), eventually find the Soul Mate they have been having tryouts for over decades, or are just getting older and tired of the dating rat race.

Bachelorettes Turn

110509oprah1-thumb-500x422-13013

Famous women who have never walked down the aisle include; Oprah Winfrey, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn (although she has been in a committed relationship for over 30 years), legendary actress Katherine Hepburn, Winona Ryder, Condoleezza Rice and Cameron Diaz, just to name a few, have never been accused of being Emotionally Unavailable, nor do others say these woman have a fear of commitment, they gossip that they are either; bad closers, lesbians, bi-sexual or just don’t want or need an immature man-boy to help bring up to manhood with it’s time consuming inherent responsibilities. Today woman are focused on their careers, the joy of travelling alone or with friends, actively choosing to stay single. They are not like their Grandmothers and  Mothers who worked and worried full time at the business of landing a man. These young independent women feel life is too short too just settle. Many young women now feel as their standards are elevating, and after viewing the plague of immaturity and irresponsibility of men (boys) their age, today they are better off staying single. They know they will want a relationship eventually, but not right now. The average of age of newlywed women has moved up to 28 (the highest ever).

So, in summary, I’ve given you clues to look for, behavior to examine and especially to pay ever-so-close attention to intimate passion and intensity, sincerity and true, honest caring, communications to help you learn how to KEEP your Soul Mate.

lindsey-duke-kelly-hall-friends

Thank you so much for reading my blog. I wonder if you will do me and your friends a favor. If you would be kind enough to share this Blog with your e-Mail friends, your Face book friends, Twitter followers and on other Social Media Networks you belong to. Your single friends, or ones who know singles, will certainly appreciate you for enabling them to learn how to KEEP their Soul Mates.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also contact me at:   http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick    or

http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

or my website     www.stophatingdating.com

I Want a Guy With a BIG……………..heart

O.K. ladies hold on to your socks, this is going to be an interesting read. You may be drained and all pooped out, but it will be a hell of a rough ride. To be perfectly frank, I have been too nice, too polite, too obsequious, (compliant or subservient), now it’s time to toughen up and be as rude and crude as some of my female blogger friends. Women have always wanted equality. Well, in terms of SEX and raunchy SEX talk, you’ve got it now, (not yet in equal pay for equal work, but we’re working on it).

As far back as I can remember, teeny bopper girls have always shrieked at male musicians, movie, or TV stars. I never could figure out what they were carrying on about; “He’s so cute, I’d love to kiss him, love to date him.” from Sinatra to Justin Beiber, girls have been non-committal about what they wanted to do with them. The boys are different, we looked at Playboy and loved the tits, ass, sexy red lipstick, or exposed tongues licking or sucking any phallic shaped object. The boys knew what they wanted. Today the girls are very descriptive, just like the boys. “I wonder how large his dick is? And how it would feel deep inside of me.” Female gossip in newspapers, magazines and websites, talk about the latest new guy in Hollywood who just joined the list of those that are hung like stallions.

Statistics show that today’s women watch porn as much as men, but prefer the ones with; better acting, more romantic plots, quality appropriate music, all looking and sounding like an authentic love story, and of course ending with the obligatory sucking and fucking scenes, but in a more sensitive, romantic way. For much of the younger set from 18 to 30, “Friends with Benefits” is close to the norm. Women want sex and they are out there looking for it. Many times, they are the aggressors, even in public places. Starting with finding what they want, then playing innocent kissy-face that turns into heavy necking, dry-humping while dancing to see if they can get the guy aroused. At that stage it’s easy to grab his dick and lead him to a private place; hers, his, or a friends pad for sport fucking. It could even be really romantic and not rushed especially if roommates aren’t home yet.

Today, both genders are avoiding marriage for a much longer time than ever before. Men are waiting to 29, women to 28. Lack of good jobs, too little income or just wanting to “sew more wild oats,” or a combination of these and many other factors has created a whole new younger generation.

Let’s move on to the couples in their 30’s and above that are into a committed relationship. Women are not necessarily in it forever, like their mothers, aunts, and grandmothers dreamed about. If the guy “changes” and turns out to be not what she expected in the bedroom, she is just as likely as he to initiate breaking up.

100377_v1

Here are interesting statements that five different women recently told me what they are looking for to keep the relationship flame alive. These are not in any particular order. They just represent the primary emotional and /or physical needs these different women crave.

1) “My favorite four lettered word is NICE. I also need Brave and Smart.”

Yellow_Brick_Road

She started by recalling that she clearly remembered watching the Wizard of Oz movie when she was 10, especially the scene when Dorothy met the 3 characters on the yellow brick road. She also recalled the major qualities she admired from The Straw man, the Tin man, and the Cowardly lion. As she was growing up, she always dreamed about having a man who was a combination of all three; A good brain, a guy who will protect her from all danger, plus having a big heart.  When I reminded her how difficult it could be to find a guy with all three traits, I asked her if she would be able to prioritize and narrow it down to just one quality. She thought for a while and finally said, ” If I was limited to have only one of those three special characteristic in a mate, I’d have to go with a genuinely nice guy with a Big Heart.

2) “I personally can’t stand cheap or frugal, so I need a generous guy.”

giftman

It’s not about giving gifts of jewelry or other showy things that are important, it’s about being a giving, caring person that never forgets a birthday or anniversary. It’s about consideration of the other person, “What can I do for you, I’m going out, what can I get for you?” Generosity begets generosity. When one partner is giving, it encourages the other partner to want to give back. Loving reciprocity is the backbone of a solid relationship.

3) “I thrive on the Romance, I need to be Wooed.”

bored-woman-bed

“I’ve had several romantic relationships in my life and the best part, by far, is in the beginning, when you can’t say enough loving things to each other, and can’t wait to jump into bed. And just like clockwork the cockwork dwindles after about three months. A guy just loses his romantic impulses, settles in, and takes you for granted. Where did the passion go? Where did the kissing, touching, feeling, love talk, and those erotic naked showers we loved so much, disappear to? It was so incredibly MUTUAL back then, now I hesitate because I don’t like to go where I’m not invited, no matter what the history has been. Sorry Charlie, or whatever your name is, I need to be wooed. I need the love talk, your fingers on my body parts, the occasional card or flowers for no reason, except that you loved me”. So guys, the takeaway for you is ..don’t settle into a boring routine. She needs the attention and the love talk and the lovemaking even after you get engaged, but especially after you are married. Keep it, and her alive. You wooed her once and you won her, you better keep up the wooing, or you’ll lose her.

4) “I need Someone who cares about ME, even as I get Older.”

539AC9E24D8E95F7A8244167E88C

A 42 year old woman told me she has been in long relationships with three different types of men; a high powered hard working glib Lawyer, an ultra-confident business executive who worked long hours, an-ex pro athlete who retired to a life suddenly without the fame, but managed to manage his money and charitable involvements very well. Each had his good points, but to be truly caring for your so-called Soul Mate is a rare commodity. They all had strong ego’s but did they all put themselves first? Who is she married to now? It really doesn’t matter and I can’t tell you because she didn’t tell me. But one of these guys loved her very much and cared to make her feel loved. She said they are still very happy because they both want to wake up next to the person they love, knowing that each wants the best for the other without expecting something in return.

5) “The Chemistry between US makes the Sparks Fly.”

surprising-health-benefits-of-sex-s6-photo-of-passionate-couple

It’s really hard to define. What does the chemistry between us feel like, and what is the best way to define it. It’s the unexplainable, elusive SOMETHING. A chemical reaction that happens to both of you, and you just can’t get enough of each other. Every single kiss, every oral suck, or clitoral nibble, or deep penetrating stroke, feels so much better than the one that just preceded it. People say it feels like an electric current is attached to every extremity. You can’t wait for the next little shock and won’t think about stopping until you achieve an astounding, mutual, nuclear, body rattling, series of screaming orgasms. Now you must concentrate on catching your breath, and hopefully get back into a normal breathing pattern, before your lover starts thinking about calling 911 for the oxygen to save your life.The initial physical attraction can start as soon as your eyes make contact, or some grow into it as inhibitions are gradually reduced. It is important to know that there are non-visual cues that may be driving you. So when you feel the chemistry together don’t overthink it, just go with it, and keep a small oxygen canister nearby.

I have been reading and studying other Bloggers and many just let the profanity fly. This is my first attempt at stream of consciousness, off the cuff, winging it. Please tell me how you feel and what you are thinking. Should this style be encouraged or be altered?

I love to write and I LOVE to write for you.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

http://www.stophatingdating.com

You can also find me at:

http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick    and    http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating