It seems that the more you read and learn, the more you are astonished at the behavior of individuals and countries. I recently read something about India, a nation continuously striving to finally extricate itself from old British colonial rules and join the leading modern nations of the world. They just reverted back to an antiquated statute which convinced me that they had taken a huge step backwards. Read this and let me you what you think.


I borrowed liberally from the lead article written in the December 11, 2013 issue of the Guardian. The whole headline read “Reinstating India’s gay sex ban is a huge step back for the country.” The author of the article, Priyamvada Gopal went on to say in the subtitle that “The Delhi supreme court’s decision to uphold a law criminalizing homosexuality is a servile adherence to colonial bigotry.”

In 1950, with the making of a new and relatively progressive constitution, the Indian state had the opportunity to revise the British Colonial statute books entirely. Unfortunately, this did not happen. Many colonial laws stayed on the books including ones against “sedition” and “offending religious sensibilities.” This ruling has meant, that as the high court pointed out, it has violated the egalitarian ethos of independent India’s constitution, which other wise explicitly upholds equality before the law and prohibits discrimination on grounds of religion, race, caste, sex or place of birth.

This law that targets and criminalizes homosexuality makes for an untenable contradiction; there can be no contest as to whether the Indian state should uphold its own constitution or keep jerking around over the nonexistent merit of vicious 19th century disciplinary frameworks. As long as India continues to adhere to this sexual hierarchy it cannot be said to be fully culturally independent of Victorian Britain. No boasting about being an economic “powerhouse” can cover up the scandal of a submissive adherence to colonial bigotry.

While it is true that the legislation has rarely been used to prosecute homosexuality, its existence allows for intolerance and harassment. It also leaves the gate open for a future Hindu religious chauvinist government (80.5% of Indians are Hindus), not at all an impossibility in India’s near future, to exercise state violence against those it deems to be outliers.

One of the significant factors left out of the article is the matter of scientific determination whether being homosexual is a choice. Recent studies acknowledge that 1 out of every 20 males born is “physically and genetically different” than the other 19.

To take it even a step further, one would concur that all major religions in the world agree that God creates each of us. Why would God make 5% of us “different and have to suffer for it”? Why in his wisdom did he make the gay 5% sexually lust for men and not women and now possibly be jailed for 10 years in India? Modern scientific discoveries have not been spread around the world quickly enough and unfortunately we still revert back to the “good old days” when we knew so little; old wives tales, miss-information and religious dogma controlled our mores and morals. Ignorance reigns supreme around most of the world and Gods 5% suffer the consequences.

In America, two extremely well funded organizations that have been working on “praying away the gay,” have recently shuttered their doors finally realizing and admitting their stated goals were unworkable.

“Gay people are born that way. They have NO CHOICE but to be gay, but to be punished for it is morally unthinkable.”

“I truly believe that people have the right to engage in any behavior they choose behind closed doors, so long as they do no harm to others. Consensual sex and living a gay lifestyle between Adults causes no harm to others.”

“Sexual preference is biologically determined by genes; as is height, hair color, skin color, athletic ability, certain unique skills, or a myriad of other tendencies they inherited. Government’s job should be to protect all its gay citizens under anti-discrimination laws, because homosexuality is an unalterable aspect of their identity.”

India is the largest Democracy in the World. Now what’s wrong with a free nation whose people refuse to accept almost unanimous, top-level scientific knowledge that Homosexuality is not a choice?

Thank you for reading about this difficult but important civil rights issue. I’d love to know your comments .Please indicate how you feel below.

I just love to right. And I love to write for YOU.


Marty  &


Ultimatums Don’t Work ….Unless…

Roget’s Thesaurus tells us the word ultimatum is also known as; last offer, final proposal, demand, last chance, and warning. How would you generally respond if you were given an ultimatum? Do you say “Nobody threatens me? Screw ’em.” Or would you say, “Oh woe is me, time has expired and I’d better act or I’ll lose out.” Of course there is a middle ground where I like to believe the majority of us reside. We would take some reasonable time, consider all our options, and then make THE big decision that possibly could have a dramatic effect on the rest of our lives.


There are many situations where an ultimatum may be issued. Are you going to buy/sell whatever your were dickering around about? Which car/house/horse/dog/whatever will you choose? What College will you accept the offer from? Which job will you be accepting? Which movie/restaurant/vacation spot will you choose? Obviously, there are so many choices we are often forced to make under the gun, that space doesn’t permit me to list them all, so lets confine ultimatums to our favorite subject, relationships.

5 Reasons Ultimatums may not Work for Women

1) He might not have made peace (resolution) with the decision you forced him into, i.e.” marry me, or else.”

2) He feels uncomfortable doing things you want him to do or not do, i.e.. “Stop talking with your ex.”

3) You shouldn’t force him into major decisions if he’s not really totally ready, i.e.. “O.K. we’re engaged.”

4) You can’t change someone or have them change their actions unless they want to willingly buy in, i.e. “O.K. I’ll do what you want, just stop bugging me.” All you achieved is a short term temporary win. He obviously gave in to gain some modicum of peace and quiet.

5) What if he calls your bluff and says NO! Are you ready for him to leave. Always consider the worst case scenario and was it really worth taking the risk.

As usually is the case, there are better ways to achieve the same goals without antagonizing him and without risking a deal breaking refusal. By acting like a grown-up, speaking calmly, and by using a grown up vocabulary, you usually can achieve similar results, without all the drama.

making up

Much Better Alternative Approach Than Issuing Ultimatums

Calmly explain  your needs and expectations. Use nice but straight-forward intelligent language. So instead of saying, “There better be a ring on my finger by years end or I’m outta here.” Say,”I love what we have and I enjoy every moment we spend together, but I’m not sure what your plans are for us in the future. I want you to know that I’m no longer interested in an open ended relationship, just dating for fun. I’m looking for  someone I can share my life with, to get married and have children. I want to start a dialogue with you so I know where I stand. So, let me be clear, if we’re not on the same page, I’m going to consider dating other people who are open to the idea of settling down.” It’s not an ultimatum, but a clear assertion of your true feelings that are direct and to the point.

You are saying what he has to know and consider, without a threat or timeline, it is merely a simple, sober assessment of how you feel and what you want for yourself in the future. If he is the right guy and is ready to make the commitment to you, he will have more respect for you and make the wise decision without additional unnecessary pressure.

Please tell me how you feel about this subject. Leave it below in the comments area.

I love to write and love to write for you.


Marty      and

Is He a Keeper or a Creeper ?

Are you a good judge of character? Are you decisive about wanting to go out with him? How about on a second date? Are there things that are just not right, and you feel uncomfortable trusting him? Well, before you start the kissing, then under the cover intimacies, and the happily ever-after fantasies, you have to make sure you really feel he is worthy of your time and effort. How do you do that? Physical attraction is one thing, but finding out about his character is something else.


Here are 8 important Questions and Observations for you to consider.

1) What about his level of Maturity? Does he have goals and dreams for the future and are you convinced he is committed to them?

2) Does he have good health and good grooming habits? Ear and nose hair are a turnoff for me, but maybe you like them. (This could be a long list but space is at a premium).

3) Is he stable? Is he balanced emotionally? Any Rage on display?

4) Does he treat you well? Does he show RESPECT?

5) Does he treat others well? Waiters? Animals?

6) How is his relationship track record? Any long term?

7) Level of Maturity? Does he watch an inordinate amount of video games? hmmm

8) How is his Family relationships? Do they like/love each other?

Very often, by paying close attention to his words and demeanor, you can get a sense of what life would be with him. Since I’m a list maker, here are 5 Forbidden Phrases and 3 Magic Phrases.

5 Goodies and 3 Baddies

1) “Take it easy Honey, just relax”. You don’t want to be shut up or told to relax, you want to talk it out NOW!

2) Says “I Love You” …during a fight with a smirk on his face. Most women I know think fighting is serious business.

3) “Honey, It’s up to you.” You want a man with a backbone who can make a decision, but also is willing to negotiate and compromise

4) “You knew I was like this from the beginning” ..It’s true, but you thought you had a chance to change him just a little bit for the better.

5) Nothing …Yes, probably nothing is worse than the silent treatment. You want resolution, he wants peace and quiet, often for a long time.

Now some goodies.

1)” Please tell me everything.”

2) “You are so beautiful !!”, (especially when it is spontaneous, and he doesn’t want something from you).

3) “Sorry. It was all my fault”…and you believe he means it.


6 Ways to Ruin A Relationship,  This Works Both Ways

1) Checking into their messages and e-mails. I’ve even heard of steaming open their mail. You’ve watched to many detective shows. Let’s not forget social media stalking, you know who you are.

2) Lying. The rock solid foundation of any relationship is telling the truth. Once you’re caught in a lie, you lose credibility forever, and the relationship crumbles.

3) Snooping. Checking into their drawers, Day-Timer, their checkbook, receipts and wallet, it will drive you nuts and you’ll probably get caught.

4) Becoming a Private Investigator; following them to the gym, place of work, their home (if you live apart), trying to catch them “in the act” of betraying you. Odds are you will get caught “in the act” of snooping. There goes trust, bye -bye. Was it worth the risk?

5) Sending others, (a trusted friend) that may have “a trusted friend he or she tells, who also has a trusted friend, etc.. …you get the idea”. Then those “friends” have something on you. The only safe secret is one only you know. People have big mouths and often change sides, that’s called blackmail.

6) Constantly “checking up ” on them with frequent phone calls or other paranoid and obsessive behavior. When you cross the line of checking-in too often, you risk the chance of scaring them away. It’s controlling and totally lacking in trust. So no matter how much love exists in your relationship, it cannot survive without trust.

Now instead of just guessing and leaving it up to your intuition, you have a practical, confidence building formula to find “the keeper.” No more frogs. Good luck. Keep in touch and let me know how it works for you.

I’d appreciate any comments/feedback. I just love to write and love to write for you.



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Cocky Guys and a Pity Party

For all you fans of the “Tell me quick and tell me true, or else my friend to hell with you,” story-telling method, here is one (or three) for you. This stream of consciousness of three diverse topics; Why Nice Guys lose out to Cocky ones, Have a Pity Party to forget about Him, and Humorous Words of Wisdom are quick but funny, helpful reads.


Why Nice Guys lose out to Cocky Guys

A cocky guy is perceived as being a stronger, confident male with more VALUE. How? He, in a word, is C O O L. He doesn’t appear to invest his emotions.  His entire persona, his ego, self-worth and blasé attitude when dealing with a woman, is casual at best. He’s not all over her, constantly praising her looks and isn’t readily available to her. He doesn’t give too much, and comes across knowing, that if the woman says no to him, he’s not going to fall apart. He seems to take pleasure in his “what-ever” attitude. If he asks her out and she says no…that’s O.K. with him. He conveys the attitude, “I’m a busy, important guy with lots of exciting things going on, and have lot’s of other options.” Now, that she has rejected him,  he acts so coolly she has a change of mind…”Wow, this is a confident guy. There is something very exciting about a guy like this. I’m going to flirt and ask HIM out.” Just the way men like the chase, women like the challenge of why he is so aloof and not making a fuss over her like most men do. She is curious and her second thoughts drive her to go after what she can’t figure out.

So men and women alike…don’t be too easy, too available, too needy …be COOL.

Have a Pity Party to get over the Break-Up


pity party

Breaking up is hard to do… most of us have been shown the door and told it was over. Now we have two choices; to get over it quickly, or wallow in self-pity for an extended time. Woe is me, what did I do wrong? What should I do differently the next time? STOP! Enough already. Don’t beat yourself up any longer.

I suggest having a Pity Party with all your closest friends and confidants in order to have closure. Drink, laugh, reminisce, drink some more and leave it all behind you. Now it’s time to get on with the rest of your life. You are going to do much better in the future. You will meet someone special and live happily ever after. Well, at least it‘s the proper attitude to start with. Since I wasn’t a fly on the wall during your last relationship, here’s a broad generalization to make the next one work; communicate your needs better and encourage your partner to do the same. It will allow you to understand each other and lessen that feeling of disappointment as well as smoothing the path to better intimacy. Good luck!!

Humorous Words of Wisdom

Business people-showing teamwork

1)        When I die, I want to die like my grandfather—peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

2)         My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out on the lake and threw her off the boat. I said “Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.”…..Paula Poundstone

3)         I think I know how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said “Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.”…..Richard Jeni

4)        Always consider the source for dates, news, and movie reviews.

5)        You know that look that women have on their face when they want to have sex? Me neither…..Steve Martin

6)        Having sex at 90 is like shooting pool with a rope…..George Burns

7)        My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and it’s the law…..Jerry Seinfeld

8)        Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships…..Sharon Stone

9)        99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

10)     Q. Why do men have a hard time making eye contact?   A. Because breasts do not have eyes.

Any Comments or one-liners will be appreciated in the Comment section.

I love to write and I love to write for you. Please tell your friends to check out my Blogs.



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Women are Getting Screwed

They (whomever they are), have told me that you NEED a sexy title to attract attention. My alternative title was “The Underwear Shows it All.” Although both titles appear to be pandering to prurient interests, they actually have lots of substance concerning fairness, equality, and the well deserved feeling of OUTRAGE. Unfortunately, it’s Outrage light.

Men and women are wired differently. A recent pioneering study has concluded that some of the stereotypical dissimilarities in female and male behavior can be explained after all. By wiring brains of about 1000 individuals, approximately the same amount of each gender, certain differences became apparent after adolescence. They found out that the way the brain is hardwired could play an important role in understanding why men are generally better at spatial tasks involving muscle control while women are better at verbal tasks involving memory and intuition. Intuition is really thinking without actually thinking. It’s what many call “gut” feelings. Men tend to out perform women in certain motor skills, like reading maps, while women tend to do better in memory tests, such as remembering faces and words, plus social cognition tests which measure empathy, emotion, reason and intelligence. It’s not totally black and white, because the researchers claim every individual could have part of both men and women skills in them and to varying degrees.

young woman is mad

The title of this Blog, “Women are Getting Screwed.” is primarily financially. For no apparent reason, other that manufacturers and retailers have been getting away with it for a longtime, women pay more than men for similar products and services. She is looking forward to the long intimate weekend with her guy, so she goes to her favorite lingerie store and buys a sexy bra with matching panties for about $100. On the other side, he also could use new undies, so he goes to Wal-Mart and gets a 3 pack of tidy whities for $19.95 that will last him a decade. This is not to imply that these are the same products, but you get the idea about costs.

Q. Why does it cost more ( $6.50 vs. $2.00) to launder a woman’s shirt rather than a mans? She claims it is her husband’s cotton shirt, but to no avail.

A. Because it’s a woman’s. The dry cleaners went to Dry Cleaners University where they are taught to say, “Sorry Ma’am, your shirt is too small to fit on our pressing machines, and they need hand-care and that “extra labor ” will make us  have to dry-clean your BLOUSE.

Here’s what you can do to overcome this blatant discrimination.  Not a damn thing, because it’s perfectly legal!! Although civil rights laws prohibit housing and job discrimination on the basis of race, gender, or sexual orientation, there is no federal law banning discrimination in the sale of goods and services. Some states have tried to correct it but they are mostly vague  and full of loopholes, just like allowing dry-cleaners to charge what they do because they decide “extra labor ” is required for blouses.

Being a woman in America has become an increasingly expensive proposition. It’s not only dry cleaning, deodorants, disposable razors and haircuts where women get taken: They pay more for home mortgages, health insurance, cars and car repairs.


What’s even more astounding to me is how little outrage the issue seems to summon in women. There is no movement here to change the law, no marches in Washington, or sits-in at Congress. No social media campaigns (Facebook, You Tube, Twitter, etc., where are you?) Without any MAJOR movement no change will ever come from lawmakers. Any change might come from one small lawsuit at a time, or should I say one dry-cleaning bill at a time.

The list of import tariffs and the incredible array of differing amounts for men and women at best can be called a mish-mosh.  Our Constitution forbids Uncle Sam from sticking his hands down your jeans to find out whether you’re a man or a woman. Most tariffs have been in place for many decades without rhyme or reason other than they have a long history which was influenced by political (financial) pressure decades ago.

I’ve discussed this issue with several very competent women who could be leaders of an anti-discrimination movement. Surprisingly, they have looked at their own lives, the several glass ceilings they personally have broken and all said the same disturbing thing to me, “We have come so far. ”

True, but much more progress is needed. You have the majority voting numbers behind you, and only YOU can make things happen, but you have to care enough to overcome the OUTRAGE. Total change and full justice is in your hands.

Thanks for reading my passionate pleas and my obvious frustration with the lack of effort to overcome a major injustice. I love to write and I love to write for you.

Please let me know your comments.

Thank you,


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Men’s Dating Blunders

When it comes to dating, women have a huge advantage over men. For clarification purposes, I never mean ALL men or women.  I’ve done a decade of research and have done hundreds of interviews, so my information reflects the MAJORITY of first time daters, both male and female.

Women have many dating advantages because of their “circle of friends” network. These friends rally around their needy pal, making sure she has overcome her mourning time and is stable and ready to look to have fun on a date. They advise her on current social trends, fashion-style, and dating do’s and dont’s. Men aren’t so lucky. Most of the newly single guys are like lone wolves out there, thinking that perhaps dating is being like John Travolta in “Saturday Night Fever.”  Wrong clothes, wrong choice of conversation topics, wrong dining places, just wrong, wrong, wrong.

john trvolta

Top 10 Dating Mistakes Single Men Make.

1) Many men show off and try to impress too much.

2) They don’t listen while she is talking

3) They should be chivalrous. He should pay for everything and make sure she gets home safely.

4) Too wishy-washy. They should take the initiative after first finding out if she has any dislikes.

5) Tells her he will call her and doesn’t.

6) Don’t try to force intimacy or sex, always let her take the lead.

7) Don’t automatically agree with everything she says. Women don’t like wimps.


8) Listen carefully to what she says and develop a dialogue, not a monologue. Nobody likes a braggart.

9) Never look at other women on your first date. Guaranteed you will be caught.

10) Be positive, funny, and fun to be with. Don’t complain or bash ex’s.

Top 5 Things to do to get a Second Date

1) Compliment her mind and her sense of humor.

2) Compliment her on the the way she looks. Just don’t overdo it, and stay away from body parts.

3) Talk about activities you have in common; Beach, Tennis, Picnic, Park, Museum.

4) At the end of the first date say; ” I had a great time, I’d love to see you again.”

5) Call, text or e-mail the next day to confirm .

The examples of the stupid, sloppy, lazy, forgetful, all around dumb things men do on first dates can fill a book, in fact my second book about dating is in the works. It’s called “Dates from Hell” and I can’t wait to share the many truly unbelievable story’s with you. The great part about writing that book is the willingness of most single people to share their favorite “dates from hell” stories.

People will be credited with their stories so they can point it out in the book. For example, if you are Linda T. from Los Angeles, Ca., you’ll know it’s your story, but others won’t necessarily know who suffered thru that horrible/funny date, unless you tell them.

Send me your comments at the end of the blog and if you have any dates from hell, send me an

As always, I love to write AND I love to write for YOU.

Thanks for following,


10 Ways to Keep a Lady Happy

Let’s get the “obvious” question out of the way before we begin. Obviously, there are many, MANY more ways than 10 to make a lady, woman, female, wife, girlfriend, happy but this is a blog , not “Gone with the Wind” or “Atlas Shrugged.” And also obviously, the ten I mention are a random list and not in any specific order. You may feel that #10 is more important to you than #1. O.K.? Now here we go!

1) Have a good greeting style. Smile, and focus on her eyes. Always hug her.

2) Ask her for her input and advice. Readily accept her thoughts and ideas and be willing to discuss them without emotion.

3) Try to get close. She needs the proximity to make her feel intimate and wanted.

4) Help around the house. I’ve heard many women say, “I think it’s sexy when he does the dishes.”

5) Don’t try to “fix” her. She’ll begin to feel imperfect. Leave her be and watch change gradually happen, or not. It’s impossible to agree on everything, and she certainly is entitled to her own opinion.


6) Try to keep her laughing. Laughter is the best medicine to fix what ails you/her. Show appreciation with your laughter when she tries to be funny.

7) Fight fairly. It’s impossible never to disagree, so don’t raise your voice and try to WIN. Never say never, and never say always. “You always pick on me and want to fight and you never listen.” Them are fightin words, and fighting is not fun. It causes lack of respect and lack of intimacy. Both are necessary for a successful long term relationship.

8) Get angry when defending her and the family in contentious situations.

9) Don’t be a wimp. Confront problem situations with her and “play to win” to gain her respect. Let me clarify. Couples must talk out problems to ensure better communication, compromise, and compassion. NEVER go to bed angry. Whoops, I used the NEVER word, but it works in this situation.


10) And finally, become even more touchy, feely. Non-sexual touching, even in public places is part of the long term early “dance” to later “romance.” Caress her arms, give a mini-neck and shoulder massage, hold her shoulders from behind to guide her thru narrow spaces and crowds of people. Don’t  be lusty or aggressive in public, but loving and affectionate. It shows you care and literally can’t keep your hands off her. Not only does it feel good for both of you but it builds the bonds of intimacy.

I hope you enjoyed this relatively brief  BUT very important Blog. I love to write and love to write for you. Please let me know if this list works for you and what you would like to add.