We’ve all seen this story in movies; from the teenager boy climbing trees with his tom-boy female buddy, to the senior couple who are good friends, then one day they look at each other in that funny way and suddenly both couples are in a passionate embrace. Followed by a perfect Hollywood ending.
No matter how romantic is appears to be or simple to accomplish, trust me, it takes a lot of; thinking, planning, taking chances, strategizing a fall back position, dealing with rejection if your advance is rebuffed, and finally, if it works, discussing who of your friends and relatives will you tell, and when.
The type of friendship you two have has a bearing on the degree of difficulty it will take to become “an item.” For example if your friendship is like a brother and sister, it will be much more complicated than if you are “friends with benefits” like in that famous Seinfeld episode. Just to review, Jerry and Elaine, who are good friends, used to date and were intimate. One day, as a throwaway line, Jerry wondered out loud if it was possible to do this and that. (This, meaning the living room where they were, and that, pointing to the bedroom.) They worked out the rules right then and there and began doing both this and that. The couple who behave like brother and sister wouldn’t have it so easy. Someone will have to take the initiative and ask the “what if” question, or by-pass the words with a passionate kiss, risking rejection.
Let’s test our memories and think back to recall if we had a similar situation. Your friend was bright, funny, caring, sensitive, confident and all the other personality traits you admired. It’s hard to say you never thought of the two of you being romantically involved. What would it be like to kiss, caress, and more, much more? But for some strange reason, they have been on your mind much more recently, and you start to wonder if and when you can be more than just friends. You take the pressure off yourself by hoping, and maybe even praying, that they will read your mind and take the initiative to proceed without losing dignity or messing up the friendship by doing it the wrong way.
If they are not taking the initiative and you know you must do it, my advice is to think long and hard about how to get it done. Think back why you two haven’t dated each other before. You can rationalize it away that when you first met, one or both of you were distracted by something time consuming or emotionally draining that only enabled you to be casual friends, and not romantically involved. The reason you remained only casual friends is because very often we tend to pigeonhole people in boxes and they remain there. It’s unusual for people to re-think a situation or a relationship by using lateral thinking, wondering why while using one on my favorite mini phrases…”What if?”
Before you jump into making a move, I suggest you “put your toe in the water.” Test a few verbal scenarios. “You know I date, but it seems none of the people I date really compare to you.” “That old college friend of mine we met the other night called today and told me how much he liked you, and asked how long have we been dating?” If he or she smiles and has a cute response like, “Yeah, I was thinking that too, it does seem that when we are out together, it does seem like a date, a really great, fun, comfortable date.”
So now it seems like there are sparks flying on both sides. You tend to hold hands perhaps a little longer now, although occasionally. You find that you are touching each other more often. Think carefully about your options. Dancing together is a great way to feel warmth, closeness, with lots of parts touching. During a slow dance, try dancing closer than you would normally, attempt to gauge their reaction, if they don’t pull away and respond favorably by trying to close the gap between you even further, you have your mutual desire for intimacy question answered. From a mans point of view, I think holding her face in your hands when you’re saying goodnight, as if you were going to kiss, looking into her eyes, then lips, then eyes again and closing the gap between you only three-quarters of the space, then stop, again stare into her eyes, (the window of the soul), and wait for a move from her. If she freezes, backs off, or simply says something cute or funny, then you finish the kiss, but on the cheek, and say “I really had a great time tonight, we really dance well together.” But if she moves in for the kiss, make it a good one. Make it last as long and passionately as you can. It stokes the flames until you both can’t wait for the next necking or petting session. Now that you know the chemistry is raging, you both want to take it further.
Intimacy for the first time could be nerve-wracking for both. Will he like me naked? Will I be able to satisfy her as long as she wants me to? Will the choreography of our love- making be awkward the first time? Will I have my elbow on her hair, and when she tries to get up her wig comes off? What if I accidently kick him in the balls? It takes frequency to get the horizontal choreography down pat. What’s the problem? We’re not strangers, we’re grown-ups, and we can laugh at ourselves and can’t wait to come back for more.
So the sex is good and getting better. We are comfortable with ourselves and our relationship and want to shout it from the rooftops. My advice is …not so fast! Try to keep it private just between the two of you, until you are positive it’s what you both want. Maybe it was the “idea” of being lovers that seemed exciting, but after a few weeks, the curiosity wore off and you realized that you two are only cut out to be just good friends and nothing more. Familiarity occasionally breeds contempt and also enables total honesty. Maybe after finding out more about each other, something was revealed that turned out to be a deal breaker.
The reason I used the words keeping your relationship “private” before, it is the only way to guarantee no one else knows. If you kept it “secret” and only told a few trusted friends or relatives, I can almost guarantee that someone you trusted who knows about it, will call a trusted friend of theirs, and the great gossiping game called telephone tag begins. Somehow, someway, the secret is out. Now you won’t have to deal with who do you tell, and who hears first. If things do go well, it’s a good idea to minimize the news. “You know we were friends for a long time, and we kinda liked each other, so we decided to try dating.” No need to spill the beans and the gory details, they would probably be mixed up by them gossiping to others.
The net result is that you both should be happy that you found a soul mate, and it was well worth the effort.
If you, or any story you know about, is similar to this Blog, let me know about it. Very often best friends decide to take the relationship to the next level. It really makes a great love story. I’m living it now, and hopefully you have or will also.
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