Your Boyfriend’s Back…..Now What?

Labeling is terrible. In my humble opinion, to call a trend, an event, a happening, a misnomer, ( like the Dow IS the Stock Market, NO!, it’s just 30 stocks out of hundreds), a usual occurrence, or any other unnamed situation by a “cast in stone” name is laziness on the part of Journalists or unaware people.

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For example, when men have never married well into middle age, the common labels referring to them is “unemotionally unavailable, or having a “fear of commitment.” Here’s one of the rare areas where women get a break usually reserved for men. If a woman has never married or stayed single well into middle age, they are said to have a good list of excellent reasons not to get married. Here are just a few examples:

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1) They are still recovering from the awful effects of a long term break-up.

2)  Their busy lifestyle requires lots of travelling.

3)  They are simply focusing on their careers. It’s totally time consuming.

4)  Going through a well deserved “selfish phase.”

5)  Her standards have changed and she can’t find a “perfect man.”

6)  “I just don’t NEED a man.”

Now let’s be fair and give the guys a break. Do you think George Clooney finally “overcame” his “fear of commitment” and no longer feels “Emotionally Unavailable? Nope. I think the REAL answer is because of his lifestyle and high standards he FINALLY has met  “the one.”

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Recently sex and relationship expert and author Emily Dubberly said  to women “Life is too short to settle. Although you know you eventually want a relationship, there are times in your life when being single is a much better option.” So why wasn’t this also directed to men? In my personal opinion, I think the basic reason men hesitate about proposing is that he knows way down deep that he not ready, either financially or emotionally. And the other reason is the underrated truism, that he knows that he has not yet met “the one.”

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Now that I brought you up to date on the “modern” way to look at couples and marriage, lets go back to the title of this Blog. Heeee’s back and now what? You have to work with me here since we didn’t establish the history of your relationship with him and why it broke up. Did he leave? Did you boot him out? Now that he’s back, what does that mean to you? He’s been calling begging for a second chance or at least an opportunity to re-plead his case. Do you want to try again? If you know for sure that you still feel sorry about hurting him, think long and hard about how you may be hurting yourself if you take back a guy you were convinced, at that time, was totally wrong for you, (if not totally, then wrong enough.)  Maybe he left you and realized HE was wrong when he initiated the break up in a fit of overheated rage. Later when he cooled off, he realized that he really loves you. Did you think you loved him enough to work on getting back together? Do you want to get back with a hot head who can’t control his behavior, or are you a passion freak like in the books and movies? The description of how it happened and the details are yours, and so is the decision. So as the old Ella Fitzgerald “Too Close For Comfort” song lyrics (kinda) goes;” Be wise, be smart, behave my heart, don’t upset the cart, when it’s so close.”

Good Luck and make a wise choice.

I think many of your friends have or will face similar circumstances after a break-up. If you would be kind enough to send this blog to them via your e-mail list, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest or any other Social media you’re into, both they and I will appreciate your effort, and while you’re at it ask if they would do the same to their list of contacts.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also find me on my webpage   stophatingdating.com  or

http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

 

Do You Turn Your Man Off And Don’t Know HOW?

Well, you do….the end. No just kidding, this is a serious and complex problem, much research and insight is required. It also needs to be looked at from both the male AND female perspectives. Ladies, I know sometimes when you say or do something that is uncomfortable for him, or do not do what is expected, it could cause him to feel that you are inconsiderate or even worse, you just don’t care about the consequences of hurting his feelings. Unclench the fists, unfold the arms, smile, hug and talk it out.

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Although men puff up their chests and egos to show the World how tough and independent they are, many guys, like me, are very aware of the little things and are overly sensitive when feeling underappreciated.

Here are a Few Examples of Some Mistakes in Manners that may Turn Him Off:

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1)  Not Showing your Gratitude when he Pays.  It seems easy to remember as a habit or knee-jerk reaction to always say “Thank You”, when he buys you Dinner when on a date. Writing an e-mail note, or making a phone call to thank him later that evening, or the next day, is also acceptable and appreciated. But when he does many things for you, and you don’t show you appreciate what he has done, he just may start feeling foolish for doing what he has done for you, and start looking elsewhere for someone who shows she cares.

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2)  Trash Talking.  No guy wants to be berated, or corrected for previous behavior from your last life, especially in a public place with prying eyes all around. If you have the need to bash him for, say example a previous woman in his life; first try to talk yourself out of doing it, and if that doesn’t work, smack yourself upside your head for being so dumb making him feel angry and defensive. Why would anybody have such a compulsive need to start a fight and ruin a perfectly good evening, (and eventually, a good relationship?) An ex-girlfriend is the example I’m using here, but I’m sure there are regrets from other fights you started about other subjects. First, say to yourself…What good can come from this? Then follow up with; Don’t tug on Superman’s Cape, he just may fly away.

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3)  Answering Non-Emergency Cell Phone Calls. Chatting with your girlfriends while with him is very rude. He should be your focus and you can always chat with friends or family later. In fact, it’s a good idea to leave your ringer off. If you know you may get an emergency call, tell him in advance and just check if it is in fact an emergency call, if you get a call from that number, it happens.

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4)  Don’t Talk Down to Him. Nobody enjoys being talked down to. You may not be aware that when you are defending; your career vs. his, your political party, or different religions, he may feel you are talking down to him, as if his choices don’t matter. These three subjects are highly contentious and personal, with little or no room for compromise. When you battle about these and other sensitive subject assume the end may be near.

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5)  Knowing When to Take a Hint. Men usually have code signals with their buddies, so they know when it’s time to do, or not to do “the thing we talked about.” Their code words don’t always work so well with women. As we know, women have very little problems carrying on a conversation. In fact sometimes they don’t pick up on what he says, and has no idea what he may be hinting at. This could be a source of frustration to many men, (how come my pals know and she has no clue?)  When a woman likes a man, and I mean REALLY likes him, she manages to start sleeping over his place, takes over the planning of their social life “let’s not see them, let’s go with my friends instead”. Soon she is picking out his clothes, and many other uncalled for and often upsetting changes he didn’t plan on. He doesn’t want to fight with her, but she is getting under his skin and on his nerves, so much so, that he eventually erupts into a relationship bursting rage. So ladies, pay attention, keep reading him carefully, don’t make him do what he doesn’t really want to do, most likely it will backfire. If he keeps on checking his watch, and appears to be jumpy, those are clear signals that he is ready for alone time, and soon!

Please let me know in the comment section, if you are familiar with a similar story. Friends watched their relationship gradually deteriorate, mainly because she didn’t appreciate him enough, HAD to get her way all the time and kept trying to change him in ways he quietly objected to. He didn’t like the little battles and skirmishes, but it led to overwhelming anger and eventually WAR and the break-up.

Will you please do me a favor? Would you mind sharing this Blog with your friends on your lists and ask them to share with the people on their  lists. I’m sure you have friends on your e-mail list in addition to; Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and other Social Media outlets. They will appreciate you sharing with them trying to help them in their relationship experiences. “A word to the wise is what friends do for each other.”

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You also can reach me at:    http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

my Website is:  stophatingdating.com

and Amazon is:   www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

He Said “I Love You” Daily, Then He Left. Know Why?

 

I wasn’t there to observe both of you during your relationship, so I can’t positively say I know for sure why he left. But I have a pretty good Idea why.  Men suffer from a variety of maladies when it comes to making and keeping a commitment; some get cold feet, some met and test drove the latest “model,” others couldn’t stand the constant nagging, (I heard you just say not me, good for you, happy to hear you’re not a nagger), and some are guys that are just not cut out for permanency, because way down deep they are Emotionally Unavailable.

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Before we get into the why? and other questions, let’s take a look at the “good ones.” Scot  McKay of X & Y Communications, is a successful professional Dating Coach who has invited me to be interviewed on his Radio show this coming Tuesday June 3rd. I think he is super. Check him out on You Tube, where he discusses the following Four things a woman wants from a man;

1) Masculinity- A man who is not afraid to make decisions. Someone who is happy to get involved and discuss options with you. Not afraid to compromise. Someone who exudes confidence without super ego or bragging.

2) Ambition- A man who has a plan, strives and works hard towards a realistic goal.

3) Security- All women want a man that makes her feel safe. If there is a noise downstairs in the middle of the night you are sure he will take care of it.

4) She KNOWS he loves her and would never leave or cheat. TOTAL TRUST.

INTERROGATIVE

Use the big 6 to figure it out;  Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Now getting back to why he left, there are six questions for you to answer:

WHO? may have influenced him to change his mind? A friend? a relative?

WHAT? specific event made him upset enough to change his attitude towards you, at least for a while, while he “cooled off.” Which means reviewing your relationship.

WHEN did it happen? Try to recall what event(s) led up to it and what specific communication (or lack thereof), happened right after.

WHERE did he go,? either with or without you, that a Significant Emotional Experience( S.E.E.) might have happened that could have turned him against you.

WHY did it happen? Could it have been the frequency and intensity of the intimacy between you. Did you have insightful thoughts at the time (you know, the ones without excuses or rationalization), that there is something missing in the bedroom? Did you discuss it with him? Did you pay attention to what he said? Did you try to be sexier or try new things to awaken his lagging libido? Be honest!

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HOW did it happen? Did he follow the script of those lying asses who tell you they “Love you” on Monday, “Crazy about you” on Tuesday, “Adore being with you” on Wednesday, “Can’t live with out you” on Thursday and Friday he says “I’m leaving, I can’t take it any longer, it’s over, I’m outta here, and poof, he’s gone.

It’s Time to be Honest and Figure it out.

After you review the situation you think up several reasons; I didn’t do anything wrong and I’m totally fault free (It’s the normal knee jerk first reaction to the blame game), or he was really schizophrenic all along and I guess I didn’t see it, or I did see it and rationalized it away, or I guess I do have some fault because I didn’t notice all his gradual changes, and finally, I should have known it was an impossible challenge from the beginning because no other women has made him stay in a committed relationship, he obviously is “Emotionally Unavailable.”

A Bachelors Life

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The well known so called “life long” bachelors like Derek Jeter of the N.Y. Yankees, Warren Beatty who didn’t wed until he was 55, Jack Nicholson, still dating now into his late 70’s and George Clooney, now 52 and recently engaged, have/had been single for so long that anything short of saying “I Do” showed a lack of commitment.  I think there comes a time when even the ones that claim that they will never marry (like Clooney), eventually find the Soul Mate they have been having tryouts for over decades, or are just getting older and tired of the dating rat race.

Bachelorettes Turn

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Famous women who have never walked down the aisle include; Oprah Winfrey, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn (although she has been in a committed relationship for over 30 years), legendary actress Katherine Hepburn, Winona Ryder, Condoleezza Rice and Cameron Diaz, just to name a few, have never been accused of being Emotionally Unavailable, nor do others say these woman have a fear of commitment, they gossip that they are either; bad closers, lesbians, bi-sexual or just don’t want or need an immature man-boy to help bring up to manhood with it’s time consuming inherent responsibilities. Today woman are focused on their careers, the joy of travelling alone or with friends, actively choosing to stay single. They are not like their Grandmothers and  Mothers who worked and worried full time at the business of landing a man. These young independent women feel life is too short too just settle. Many young women now feel as their standards are elevating, and after viewing the plague of immaturity and irresponsibility of men (boys) their age, today they are better off staying single. They know they will want a relationship eventually, but not right now. The average of age of newlywed women has moved up to 28 (the highest ever).

So, in summary, I’ve given you clues to look for, behavior to examine and especially to pay ever-so-close attention to intimate passion and intensity, sincerity and true, honest caring, communications to help you learn how to KEEP your Soul Mate.

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Thank you so much for reading my blog. I wonder if you will do me and your friends a favor. If you would be kind enough to share this Blog with your e-Mail friends, your Face book friends, Twitter followers and on other Social Media Networks you belong to. Your single friends, or ones who know singles, will certainly appreciate you for enabling them to learn how to KEEP their Soul Mates.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also contact me at:   http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick    or

http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

or my website     www.stophatingdating.com

Ongoing OUTRAGE

Please bear with me as I get these four relatively short stories off my chest. I’d love to hear your comments at the end of the blog.

Proper Parenting Skills—Providing Motivation

The first dozen years of my life, my family, parents and two younger brothers lived over the store. Actually it was a small film processing facility with a tiny camera store out front. Usually after school, I went downstairs to see my Father and Uncle then I hand developed black and white enlargements. Even back then, my parents felt it would give me a comforting sense of security to know that after graduating college I will be working in the family business. Sure, I guess compared to my friends that didn’t have a business to go into, I felt a inner sense of relief. But the other side of the coin was that safety net took away some of my desire to strive to do what I really wanted to do, and believe me there were many things on my list ahead of running a film processing plant. As far back as I could remember people always told me how “funny you are.” I also loved music and was a film buff. I’d often awake from dreams about entertaining people, but most of the time I was behind the scenes making music or movies. My fantasy life wasn’t strong enough for me to graduate college, reject the family business, then hit the streets trying to learn the music or movie business from the ground floor.

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I just read an article written about Warren Buffett by his son Peter telling a story about how Warren refused to help his children with money. When Peters sister asked for a loan of $15,000 to remodel her kitchen, Warren told her to go to the bank. When Peter was a young man, he asked his father for a loan to buy musical equipment, he got the same answer. Today he is an Emmy Award-winning musician and composer, and grateful for his fathers stance. “It sounds harsh but it is really very loving,” he says.
It’s a show of respect, saying, “You can do it. I believe in you, and if I give you a crutch, you are never going to learn how to walk.” Peter did go to the bank, got the loans and built his own successful business and worked his tail off to pay off the loans. “I would not have done that if somebody was writing me a check.”

Murder Incorporated, or Saving Lives

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The majority of Americans strongly believe “something” must be done to reduce the gun violence in our country. In addition, the majority of politicians also believe the same. But when it comes to taking on the NRA, the majority of politicians refuse to vote for any legislation that is not favored by the NRA. The National Rifle Association, which has approximately 5 million members, has approximately $250,000,000 in annual operating income. Most of that income is used to make a difference whether politicians get re-elected. Follow the money!!! It’s more important for most politicians to keep their seat than to care enough about run away gun violence in America. Even reasonable laws are over-ruled for one simple reason. The NRA’s chief Wayne La Perriere strongly believes in the old truism “if you give  them a finger, they will take a hand,” so he refuses to allow any progress in gun control whatsoever.

Here’s a new example of their narrow mindedness. Armatrix, a company is making a “smart gun” that has many safety and security add-on’s; they have fingerprint scans (so any user other than the owner can’t fire it), special security codes (PINS) and other technology also insure safety. These smart guns can save thousands of lives. The number of stolen guns, and guns found and used by children or their friends, would lower the murder rate dramatically The gun nuts see smart guns as “the first steps into disarming private citizens.” Last week a gun dealer in Maryland who was selling smart guns, stopped selling them because of several death threats. Isn’t it amazing how 5 million NRA members and a few greedy politicians can influence the safety and security of over 320 Million other Americans.

A One State Solution

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Decades have gone by, and many good intentioned intermediaries have tried to negotiate a mid-east peace between Israel and the Palestinians, but we are back again at the beginning. The way I see it, even though I think a workable two state solution would be beneficial for all parties, it was and still is impossible to achieve for one specific reason. Hamas will not accept Israel’s right to exist, and their stated goal is to drive all the Israelis into the sea. If they will not even accept their right to exist, how can anybody in their right mind insist Israel negotiates with them. So no matter how much pressure Israel gets from nations around the world, including the U.S., claiming Israel will become an “apartheid state” without a negotiated two state solution, it must hold firm. Although Israel is fed up with the Arab intransigence, it cannot annex the West Bank and absorb the Palestinians without a right to vote and other lost freedoms they have now. It would cause major terrorism activity in the region. So unless and until Hamas accepts Israel’s right to exist, they will be living with a “permanent occupation.” Israel will never again be forced to “trust your neighbor,”…been there, done that.

Iraq, It’s Three Years Later. Let’s look at the Video Tape.

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First let’s take a look at the costs in lives, missing limbs, brain trauma and Dollars. So far we have spend over $2.2 Trillion on the Iraq war. We also owe $490 Billion to war veteran’s and adding to the ongoing costs including future interest, comes up to about 6 Trillion Dollars total over the years. Now in terms of lost lives; 4,487 Americans died in Iraq, 32,226 wounded plus another approximately 600,000 plus suffering from; PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder),Traumatic Brain Injuries, Depression, severe hearing loss, diseases, and other long term health problems. We also killed approximately 550,000 innocent Iraqis, who were merely defending their country.

Now why did we invade Iraq? Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and the neo-cons came up with a phony story (that eventually was proven wrong), claiming Saddam Hussein worked with Al-Qaida to bomb us on 9/11, and Iraq had a stockpile of “Weapons of Mass Destruction” that will be used against us and our allies. Plus, we also later discovered that Wolfowitz and Cheney pushed Bush for a faster start to the war claiming that we would use Iraq’s oil to pay for it. They all claimed, (including John McCain), that the war will be over in a matter of days and we’ll have control of a stock pile of oil comparable to Saudi Arabia’s. Senator Obama voted against the war, Hillary voted for it.

Let’s do a review of the record of George “W” Bush ( just say his name before each of the following actions)….I George W Bush

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1)   presided over the biggest energy crisis in history, refusing intervention when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

2)   presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

3)  changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

4)   appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any other President in U.S. history.

5)   created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the U.S. Government.

6)   broke more international treaties than any other President.

7)  was the first president in U.S. history to have the united nations remove the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

8)   had the U.N. remove us from the Human Rights Commission.

9)   refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. “prisoner of war” detainees and thereby refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

10)  was the first President in history to refuse U.N. election inspectors during the 2002 U.S. election.

11)   set the record for the fewest number of press conferences of any President since the advent of TV.

12)   set a record for most vacation days in any one-year period.

13)   after taking off the full month of August, presided over the worst security failure in our nations history.

14)   garnered unprecedented sympathy for the U.S. after the World trade center attacks, less than one year later made the U.S. the most disliked country in the world, possibly the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

15)   set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

16)  was the first President in history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.

17)   did so against the will of the U.N., the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.

18)   cut health care benefits for war veterans and their families-in-wartime.

19)   was the only President in History to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my Presidency as the biggest threat to word peace and security.

20)   failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice and was quoted on TV saying, “Oh, I don’t think about him much”

Fox never said one negative word about “W” for 8 years

Oh, I left out he also stopped progress for 8 years not allowing stem-cell research to continue. He also read and ignored ignored intelligence warnings that Iraqi nationals were learning how to fly big jet planes and not learning how to land them. That alone should at least provoke some curiosity in anyone of intelligence or caring.

I believe it is always important to review history. We MUST remember so we can try to never made a mistake like “W” again.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can find me at http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick

or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating or my website at   stophatingdating.com

 

Can Great SEX Overcome Annoying Habits?

Good friends are hard to find…and keep, (kinda like Soul Mates). So if this story seems quite familiar, and you remember their “real names,”  let’s just keep it between us. The second two names I just thought about using was Jack and Jill. I tried to scroll the list of all the names of couples I learned about growing up, and decided not to use Adam and Eve, my obvious first choice.

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Jack waited until he was in his mid-forties until he decided that since he loved Jill so much, he was ready to tie the knot. He was so proud to be with her, loved her looks, couldn’t keep his hands off her, the sex was great and she was very intelligent. What more could a guy wish for?

Soon after moving in together, cracks started to appear in their “perfect” relationship. He was a saver and she increased her spending dramatically claiming, “Now that there are two incomes, there is so much more to buy.” He was a neat freak and she was content to wait until “later” to clean up the mess she had made. They each talked about what bothered them, but in a cute loving way. “I love her/him so much it’s impossible to be 100% totally compatible, we’ll work out the little glitches,” they were fond of saying to their closest friends.

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Jill remembered very clearly that the “little” problems between them exploded the memorable night she got up and felt her way into the master bathroom attempting to tinkle in the dark. She had no idea he had forgotten to lower the toilet seat…..again. He, was blissfully dreaming when he was suddenly awoken mid-dream by the shrieking sound of Jill in distress. He jumped out of bed and ran toward the sound in the pitch dark bathroom and flicked on the light. Unfortunately for him, (but later on fortunately for his divorce attorney), Jack couldn’t stop laughing hysterically at the sight of Jill only with her head, arms and lower legs sticking out of the toilet bowl, involuntarily splashing her shivering private parts in the cold water.

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That was the event that they both referred to as “the unceremoniously opening of Pandoras Box.” All those previous cute little difference’s were now being blown out of proportion being described in x-rated profanity The name calling had started and they were at each others throats trying to remember why “I even fell in love with this asshole in the first place.”

I had dinner with him a couple of months after the finalization of their divorce, and Jack was hesitant even thinking about starting to date ever again. “It seemed so perfect in the beginning now it’s over. How do I protect myself from it ever happening again?” We both agreed to do some research and try to find the solution.

I told Jack that I had read an article about Dr. John Gottman, director of Seattle University’s “Love Lab” and founder of the Gottman Institute, that have studied thousands of couples for decades. He claims that there are “Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse.” He claims these four traits are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism includes attacking your partners personality, “why are you always so late?” Contempt is constantly putting your partner down, “you’re stupid for believing that.” Defensiveness is rebuffing your partners complaint with one of your own, (kind of like tit for tat). Stonewalling means clamming up and refusing to discuss anything at all.

If the intent is to mutually resolve the difficulty between you, then you can look for a highly recommended relationship counselor nearby your home and take classes together for resolving your particular issues. You’ll learn that stopping the hurtful accusatory words will go a long way in resolving your problems.

So Who Will Make it as a Couple?

It really boils down to good communication.Two-thirds of couples claim that their spouse often made them feel good about themselves, whereas only about one quarter of unhappy couples could claim the same thing. The rule to remember: Even if you assume your partner already knows how you feel, that he/she is smart/funny/sexy, or that you’re very grateful for the “things” they do, it’s still vey important to reiterate your appreciation for each other often.

What’s the Main Cause for Divorce?

Most people think it’s the highly dramatic ones like adultery or domestic violence but they are wrong. The main reason is a “soft” one, “We just grew apart.”

Advice on How to Make it Work

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Don’t assume that since you don’t fight constantly or get into jealous spats that all is O.K. You both need to think about improving the soft side of your relationship, In particular, doing things together. Learning to play a sport and taking bridge lessons together, taking that cooking class, or even taking Ukulele lessons together, will add additional sparks. The reason is that your togetherness creates dopamine, a chemical in our bodies that is released into your blood stream. It also was released when you first fell in love. Staying in love is not that hard; keep up the mutual respect and do fun stuff together.

It takes a concerted effort to avoid ennui (boredom). Think about all the things you always wanted to do, or try, or see, or listen to, or visit, and plan on sharing them together.

I love to hear from you. Take a few minutes and write a couple of sentences in the comments section about your love story.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Visit my Website at:  www.stophatingdating.com

or visit me at  www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

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10 Types of Men to Avoid

What inspires me to write a blog? First, I welcome those wonderful middle of the night epiphanies. I’ve learned to keep a pad and pen on my night table and to switch on the light, so hopefully what I attempt to write down will be legible in the a.m. Notice I said, “switch on the light,” because I’ve learned through trial and error that scribbling some ideas half groggily at 3 a.m. in the dark turns into Farci, Yiddish or Mandarin in the early light of day. I also read a lot, and if I find something that I think would appeal to you, I use that concept and run with it. Sometimes it is so well written that I shamelessly “borrow” more than I should (In a state of total envy) and give them the credit they deserve for their writing skills. This Blog was “influenced” by Norine Dworkin-McDaniel who is a Special Contributor to Lifescript, an excellent newsletter for women. Her article was titled “7 Types of Men to Avoid.” I added; three more types, changed most of her wording, and added some of my special brand of humor. I think it will be very informative and quite helpful for you to realize these types of guys are out there, all of them eventually ending up breaking your heart.

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1) Mr. Jealous.  It may take you a while to discover, but he probably has learned by now to cover it up well. He has little or no self-confidence. His insecurities will eventually drive you crazy; he needs you to comfort and praise him constantly, including trying to be positive and complement him for the “good parts” of his messing up. He just can’t handle the truth because it’s too painful. Living a long life with this type will cause YOU real pain.

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2) Mr. No-Moneybags.  These guys not only exude lots of charm but they also seems to be so financially comfortable. They, unfortunately have Rolls Royce tastes and Kia budgets. Their special skills lay in their ability to find women with money. He does special research using his pre-war windup computer to locate grieving widows (by reading the Obituaries daily), locating women with trust funds who were never married, and women older than he, who initially are only looking for a classy man to escort them to charity balls and the like. He eventually manages to get into their hearts and wallets.

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3)  Mr. Marry-Go-Round.  This type has little or no respect for the institution of marriage. For him it is only a piece of paper tied into a fault free, and payment free pre-nuptial agreement. Before marrying, he tells his bride-to-be that in order to protect his assets, his lawyers insist on him having a pre-nup that says he doesn’t have to pay out one cent until you reach, (pick a number) 2?, 3?, or even 5? years of marriage. You can bet your bottom dollar that he has already filed to break up the marriage well before the deadline date.  He probably has been out looking to trade you in for a newer model.

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4) Mr. Peter Pan Syndrome.  Although his birth certificate claims he is in his 30’s or 40’s his behavior is 100% Frat boy. His favorite activity is sitting on the sofa surrounded by beer, appetizers, chips and his best buddies playing video games,  jumping and screaming as if they have just won the lottery. They are on a first name basis with the “best” bartenders in town, and always ready to go on a fishing trip (usually to Las Vegas, the only fish in Vegas are at the tables.) You learn to love his spontaneity and sense of adventure by para-sailing over the beach in Cancun or Acapulco, but when you really need him, it’s like asking a 10 year old for help and emotional support. Yes, your Peter Pan will eventually grow up into a perennial bachelor, who still cares more for the latest video game rather than having a serious relationship with you.

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5)  Mr. Heavy Baggage.  Hardly anybody comes into a potential relationship totally unencumbered. There usually are; children, grandchildren, ex-spouses, alimony payments, ex’s children and their families. Add in the debts, lawsuits, business problems, crazies lurking around the corner or online, brothers, sisters, weird friends, health problems, pets and prior in-force contracts, just to name a few. Do you really need any more? Here’s how to root them out into the open. Ask to meet “the family” as soon as you two talk about commitment or have had the “together forever” pledge. When you do meet them, try to find an unhappy member of the group and talk to them privately. Ask a few probing questions. Are you unhappy? Why? What’s going on in the family? Be prepared to jump back to avoid the angry words spewing from their mouth. Time to hit the road and leave the guy with the baggage behind.

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6) Mr. Mama’s Boy.  He is so nice. It’s rare nowadays that you can call a person nice. It’s the nicest four letter word we can use in describing another. He is also kind and affectionate, well trained in the kitchen and laundry. Unfortunately he is hung up on another woman-his mother. I’m sure it’s not the fantasy threesome you had envisioned. Mom is super competent. She manages his checkbook, his investment portfolio, real estate (where he is to live), politics (who he will vote for), and other means of controlling his every decision. If you push him to choose sides, guess who loses….and don’t let the door slam you in the tush as you are leaving, mostly for your sanity.

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7) Mr. Permanent Bachelor  You find it impossible to believe that the guy you just dated for the first time is still available. Why hasn’t someone grabbed him up until now? He is so handsome, so smart, so funny, so financially stable in his own successful business, such a perfect gentleman, and his kisses melt you like ice cream outdoors in summer. After a few more dates while you are daydreaming about your white picket fence future, he then apparently reads your mind and disappears, out of your life forever. He left so quickly that when you look down, you can see his skid marks on the tile floor. If he was ever asked if he has found Mrs. Right yet, he would reply, “No, not yet, but I’m still looking.” With a perennial bachelor, there is no Mrs.right and probably never will be. But women’s nature rears up and says, “I’ll be the one.” but if no one has been Mrs.Right, you probably won’t be either.

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8) Mr. Egomaniac. I guess because I hate braggarts so much, I think I have a Bill O’Reilly/Donald Trump personality detector and all egomaniacs set of an internal alarm. Not everybody has one. Too bad, these guys will Superego you to distraction. Usually they are brilliant, accomplished and have an unflagging braggadocios belief in their own superhuman infallibility. He usually doesn’t like competition. Although he claims to seek out an equal, if you outshine him he will retaliate to knock you down while rebuilding himself up again. Some ego driven men think nothing of embarrassing loved ones in public to re-assert themselves, especially in their own minds. Many women are smitten with the strong, silent, tough guy type; Clint Eastwood in his prime and Big John Wayne could certainly make your day. Nowadays, I even heard some women talk lovingly about Chris Christie because, “He’s tough and he would fight for me.”  Most people with his demeanor are just loudmouth bullies, plain and simple. Hit the road before this macho bully ruins your life.

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9) Mr. Not Good In Bed.  Woman talks her intimate partner into going to a sex doctor. The Doctor addresses them and says, “I understand you have a sex problem.” the guy says, “I don’t have a problem, she has the problem, she comes too late.” Sexually experienced women know the difference if the guy is not a good lover. He doesn’t kiss well (and you don’t want me to go into what bad kissers do or don’t do) You’re welcome. But there is more to being good in bed or being a good lover. Touching, tenderness, erotic contact with words and physical contact well before the actual act, is a necessary build up for a woman. She wants to feel desired, her body is a beautiful compilation of skin and nerve endings that should be played as if you were playing a Stradivarius violin. It takes time. Her lover must use his lips, tongue, fingers and all over gentle tactile massage to get a woman ready for what should last hours, not one minute. He wants to ejaculate so he can go to the refrigerator then turn on the TV and watch the game, or what’s even worse, watch porn. Having sex and making love are two different things that many men no nothing about. Good luck trying to train them. Give it a shot before you drop him, your efforts just may be rewarded.

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10) Mr. Control Freak. I’m a sucker for nature shows especially where they depict animals in deadly combat for survival. Last week I saw a battle between a large alligator and a huge Boa constrictor The Boa eventually squeezed the life out of the gator, eventually unhinged it’s jaws and swallowed it whole. I know it’s a stretch, but dating a Control Freak is like gradually having the breath being squeezed out of YOUR body. It starts innocently enough, but by the sheer strength of his will, you will be eating at the restaurants he wants, watching the movies he picks, and hanging out with only his friends. If he is the typical Control Freak, he will be dictating everything, from what you are wearing, to how you spend your free time. His obvious concern and attention is surely flattering, so you start to believe it’s all about you, but one day you wake up and ask, Where did I go? Who am I? The best way to avoid being in his grasp is to be aware of his behavior early on. If he seems too involved in ALL your activities and tells you what to do, who to see and where to go and with whom, a bell should go off in your brain. He always expects you to agree with him and if you dare not to, he will berate you until you see it his way. Don’t allow it to continue because that Boa Constrictor is trying to remove all your ability to object and to defer to him, totally micromanaging you, by then it’s too late. In summary, as soon as you realize he is a control freak…. Run-don’t walk-away.

Have you been a victim in the past? Do any of these 10 types of the wrong men remind you of a current relationship? Get out before you potentially waste the best years of your life (including your childbearing ones), with a guy who will only break your heart.

Please comment below.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Reach my Website at    www.stophatingdating.com

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How to Discover Your Future Soul Mate

Generally speaking, there are two types of men in terms of maturity; those that are wearing their baseball caps on backwards, sitting on the sofa with their buddies playing video games well into their 20’s and 30’s, the other type are the “good guys,” the ones that realize that life is not one long extended Fraternity party, and it’s time to grow up.

Three friends playing video games while drinking beer.

The immature types think that life is a giant blur of beer, betting, hangin’ with the boys and sex with as many girls as possible. The good news is, that the vast majority of American men are not like those immature “bums.” The facts prove that 90 % of men have been married by the age of 40.

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Men vary in levels of maturity and although some are ready for fidelity in their 20’s, many are still looking for the Sophia Vergara look-a-like well into their 40’s or 50’s. Coinciding with his orgasm, a simultaneous giant hook comes down from above and removes him from her bed, his romantic feelings for her, and her life, all in one fell swoop. She is devastated, and he is now looking for the latest Kate Upton facsimile.

For the grown-ups ready to become a family man, if you asked why he married and what he admires most about his wife he would probable reply; her values, her intelligence, her sense of humor, her potential as a great mother and simply that she makes him feel good about himself and is loved very much.

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There are some anxious women who feel they have found the right guy but they “scare” them away by being too fast too soon with uncomfortable questions; “Where do you see us in 5 years, and how many kids do you want to have together?” As Rita Rudner, the great comedienne once observed, if you were in the room and heard the girlfriend ask him these “what if?” questions, when you looked down you could still see his skid marks.

Biologically speaking, men usually tend to want more sexual partners than woman, who prefer thinking about marriage and family as a goal. So men have a natural hesitancy about monogamy, at least at the onset of a potential relationship. Ladies, use your better judgment not to ask him those types of questions until well into a serious relationship.

There is a very thin line between “having a man run after her until she catches him,” versus acting too aloof whereby he loses confidence and starts to look elsewhere to be more appreciated.

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Some women have always been man magnets and always hung out with the guys. Guys were drawn to them and the reason is that guys felt little or no stress with them around, just as if the girls were a couple of other male friends. So when a women asks me what the guy magnet secret is and how can she get to be surrounded by men, the answer is quite obvious. Just go where the boys are; Go to sporting events, watch the games on large screen TV’s in a sports bar full of male fans, learn to shoot pool, checkout the basketball courts in your local park, try rollerblading for great exercise, join a gym and ask cute guys for some pointers, create a girls night out where you and your girl friends go to a good steak joint to mix it up with the boys night out crowd. I can’t guarantee you’ll find your Soul Mate quickly, but you’ll have a lot of fun trying to find “him.”

Get out there, mix with the right people in the right groups and you’ll add to your odd of finding and keeping your Soul Mate. Tell me your story and send some additional comments about this and other blogs of mine.

I love to write and LOVE to write for you.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Come visit my Webpage at:  stophatingdating.com

You can also find me at:  http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick and

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