Are You Right For Each Other?

We all know what Love is. It’s that warm, fuzzy, erotic, feeling that you can’t be apart. You can’t get enough of each other. You think of being with your love all the time, every place or position conceivable.

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Now hold on there, you hotsy-totsy. It’s time to bring your brain into the mix. You must start that smart motor going, and bring experience, wisdom and intelligence into the future planning between you two. Lust can carry you for a while, but if you’re looking long term, you must;

Consider Critical Compatibility Components, (The Four C’s)

Before we even think about those areas where compatibility must be considered and discussed in depth, let’s first think about what situations can cause relationships to end.

Here are 5 of the top deal breakers for many couples;

 

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1)  Drinking- I’m not talking about having a drink with dinner or an occasional brew with a buddy, I’m talking about Alcoholism. Unless the alcoholic agrees to immediately get sober and bring in the professionals to permanently be cured, this party is over.

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2)  Smoking-Though not as dangerous from a social standpoint, it is a smelly, dangerous, and unhealthy bad habit. It calls for another cold turkey fix or else you, your car and your home will smell like nicotine practically overnight. If you want a relationship with a non-smoker, make them wean off and then stop the smoking, no excuses.

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3)  Religious Differences-From my standpoint, I don’t know how a person of faith can live with an atheist, and of course, vice-versa (religious sheep vs. heathen). It is self-explanatory. Even though it may not come up by mutual agreement, it will eventually rear it’s ugly head and very well could bring on a break-up.

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4)  Political Beliefs-If a full time Fox watcher is involved with a full time MSNBC viewer, it becomes a battlefield for opposing opinions. I don’t know if you have ever tried to reason with someone about their political views, in the hope of  “straightening them out” with what you believe to be the truth? Believe me, it doesn’t work and it never will between a couple on polar opposite sides of the political spectrum.

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5)  Baggage- Unless you have totally leveled with each other about what you are bringing into the relationship with you, future problems are sure to occur. Many people neglect to bring up; painful history, family members, ex-spouses, ex-partners, ex-legal problems (some still yet to be resolved), and other surprises, you are usually doomed for failure, because you “didn’t tell the WHOLE truth.”

Now lets Consider the OTHER Compatibility Components that need to thoroughly be discussed before you commit to be together “until death do us part.” or some other long term arrangement:

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1)  Age-Hefner has been doing it for half a century and many other older men love bumping into a hard body in exchange for access to their life-style and what great wealth can provide. I guess that leaves younger men for older women who can afford a boy-toy. The youngins both “understand” that they are trading off sexual favors for living large. Some guys look at an older woman as a “mommy” figure, and some young girls who grew up without a male in their young lives want to sit on their new daddy’s lap and cuddle. But often when it is a May-December romance, the couples have to learn to accept each others habits, likes/dislikes and be aware of any factors that could ruin their togetherness. The subjects of music, movies and night-life comes immediately to mind. Spend lots of time together first to identify non-compatible preferences and attempt to work them out.

2)  Education-Possibly could cause conflicts of interests especially if they require brain power and intellectual pursuits.

3)  Individual finances- I realize that nowadays, because of women’s equality, the finances work out using this following formula. “His money is theirs, and her money is hers.” If she has the big bucks and the better higher paying career, their financial situation must be resolved before making any type of permanent commitment.

4)  Respect-Aretha Franklin brought that great word into our common lexicon and it is very important how couples honestly respect each other when they are going ahead making plans for their future.

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5)  Psychology-They have to make an in-depth analysis of their future long term partners personality traits and what drives their demons, if any. When in doubt, discuss it at length and bring in professionals, if necessary.

6) Bad Habits-If they bother you, talk about them and try to work on changing them. I know this is a common sense solution, but sometimes common sense is not very common.

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7)  Intimacy-Thank goodness we don’t have to deal with arranged marriages or virgins like the olden days. Today, younger modern women are not waiting to be “fixed-up,” or waiting by the phone to be asked out on a date. Many of their single mothers and grandmothers are still doing it the old fashioned so called “respectful way.” Ladies you’re free and equal, so take the initiative and call a guy that appeals to you to have a drink, or meet for coffee, on you. In terms of intimacy, once  protected and safe from disease or pregnancy, let yourself go. Be involved, proactive and get creative in bed. No time to be shy and demure. Make believe you are making a porno movie, or better yet teach him the wonderful advantages of Tantric intimacy.  Most men don’t know how to make love and how to properly satisfy a woman. All they think about is slam, bam, thank you ma’am.” I got my big O and I’m outta here.” Devi Ward, a top Tantric Sex instructor who interviewed me a few weeks ago about my e-book, told me that a woman’s body is like a large pot being heated by a small flame and a mans body is a small pot heated by a large flame. Pretty soon the mans pot boils over and liquid spews everywhere, but the woman’s body is still warming up. It takes a woman much longer to be ready for sex than a man. Tantric sex teaches us that sex should last for hours. There is no beginning (sexual excitement), middle (penetration), or end (climax). It’s not all about the Orgasm, but about enriching the whole sexual experience, and exploring a new path to sexual fulfillment. Key features of Tantric Sex is the importance of breathing properly, and slowing down sexual behavior. Look up Devi Ward on the Internet or do research into the 1500 year old Indian practice of total fulfillment techniques from other instructors.

Now you have seen there’s much more than just lust involved in creating and enjoying a compatible relationship. Good luck in finding and KEEPING Your Soul-Mate. I would greatly appreciate your input. Just write a comment in the comment box or write me a private e-mail.  savconsulting@yahoo.com

Thanks ,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also reach me at:   www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or

http://www.facebook.com/101waystotophatingdating    or

http://www.Amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

Is it Worth Rescuing Your Relationship?

It could be as wide spread as turning around a first date that has lost it’s chance for a good first impression, all the way to a boring 50+ year long marriage, if you both care to rescue it, it can be done. O.K. now you can take a deep breath. Don’t you just hate those looong sentences? Sometimes I wish that I could write like one of my literary hero’s, Ernest Hemingway. I enjoyed his economical and unadorned style of writing. He wrote some of the greatest novels of all time; “The Sun Also Rises”, “For Whom the Bell Tolls”, “A Farewell to Arms” and a “special” favorite of mine which I read at 13, “The Old Man And The Sea”, (notice that even in his 6 word title, no word is longer than three letters.)

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“Fish, he said, I have love and respect you very much. But I will kill you dead before this day ends.” So pure, so simple, so direct, so different than others authors that bored me with their lengthy descriptions. James Michener once took three pages to describe a tree. Perhaps I’m exaggerating a tad, but you get the embellishment idea.

My apology Ernie, but today I have to be a little more detailed, verbose and effusive describing todays complicated subject matter. Try to visualize these 8 relationship problem areas while also thinking about how you would be going about fixing your own (if any apply).

The Top 8 In No Special Order

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1)  Who made up these Rules? I call them readily accepted truisms, but where is it written that these are the OFFICIAL RULES. a) When dating, women should expect to go to bed on the third date. Really? What if she’s not ready? I’m going to take a guess here…this RULE was made up by men. b) What about the 7 year itch? It seems to be common knowledge that one partner, (usually the man), will stray after six years of fidelity, (especially if it was with Marilyn Monroe). c) Here’s one I recently heard about called the “15 year immunity clause,” that means if you can make the marriage last 15 years, it will last until “death do us part.” It didn’t work for me, twice. I wonder what the facts really are.

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2)  Problems communicating. Guys usually don’t like small talk. They also don’t pour out their heart to a close buddy. Women are different. Most women I know can’t get their guy to talk about their problems, so they have a close trusted friend to pour her heart out to. I think it’s critical for the salvation of the relationship that she has to convince him to at least “start to talk about us.” That’s usually when you hear those oft said words from him, “I didn’t know you felt that way, how come you never told me,” DUH?

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3)  Intimacy awareness. He’s ready, she’s not. He’s angry at her unwillingness to do her “womanly duties” to make him happy. She can’t understand why he is such an “animal,” and can’t comprehend that she’s tired, not feeling well and not in the mood for another wham! bam! thank you mam! ZZZZzzzz.  It’s really so simple to work out. Just be honest and accept your partners excuses. If they are not interested in sex at that moment, maybe they will tomorrow, discuss it then. No emotion needed, just open, honest communication. Sounds easy right?

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4)  Compromise. That’s a key word in a relationship. When you’re single you do what you want to do, unless a friend talks you out of it. However when you are together and you determine that she wants her choice at a seemingly 90% level and you want yours at about 30% degree of desire, just read her correctly and be wise to give in. Maybe you’ll “win” the next time. You can try to keep score if you like, and if you feel she is getting her way a disproportionate percentage of the time, then discuss it civilly. I had that situation once. She was very frequently demonstrative and emotional about seeing her choice of movie NOW. I really didn’t care that much, so I always deferred, until I was anxious to see my movie, so we discussed it, and I won. She didn’t like the headlock I put her in then pinning her down with my knees on her arms and counting her out, it surprisingly made her a tad cranky. But sometimes you have to assert yourself. As my Pappy used to say “Don’t let them crap on your head, Open your mouth.” YUCK. Please don’t take that literally.

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5)  The truth will set you free. When I stopped lying my life totally changed. Since I was getting older and more forgetful, I was also forgetting my lies. I called them all little white lies so her feelings wouldn’t be hurt, but some lies were beyond little and white. If you pay attention to politics and the media, people who get caught lying are usually in much more trouble than those who admit it and get it over with.  Hiding the truth about ones inability to stop shopping continuously building up credit card debt will be a huge problem when it is revealed. Also concealing baggage (secrets) about; former family members, friends, older children, exes, business relationships, and legal problems could cause huge often unresolvable predicaments.

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6)  Shy or sly in bed can make you cry. Even if you’re not really in the mood, I suggest cuddling. The simple act of togetherness or just touching body parts can create a surprising sense of sexual intimacy. If you are a women, you know it takes a while to get interested (turned on), so initiate the closeness yourself, it just may turn into something delicious. As you realize, you must go very slowly at first. If he senses you’re horny and ready, he’ll pop a woodie and jump you well before you are ready. Try to slip him a Valium instead of his normal Viagra.

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7)  Nothing is perfect. Especially us as incredibly diverse human beings. If you make up a list of what you want/need in a mate, you may be disappointed that the list of physical attributes can’t overcome some disturbing emotional malfunctioning. So you really have to re-think your physical perfection list, and add important personality requirements that  should zoom up to the top of your list. Here are a few four letter words to add; Good, nice, kind, wise, talk, care, and the most important one…someone who can truly LOVE.

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8)  Keeping the romance alive. In the beginning it was amazing. Charisma at first sight, followed by Fireworks! Sparks! and Explosions!  They couldn’t keep their hand off each other, even in public. He wanted sex hourly. She had a big smile on her face but was tired, worn out, but she only felt complete and fulfilled when he was inside of her. Gradually old man time with his cohorts; boredom and routine took over. Now, even though she’ll never initiate anything sexual because of the fear of being rejected, she still misses the lovemaking. He seems bored, distracted and into beer, sports, porn and those challenging video games with his buddies. He has to start over to rekindle the romance. Start saying complimentary things, hug her whenever you see her, tell her how happy you are with her and start doing the physical things to rekindle the flame. The initial lust may be gone, but that doesn’t mean you must drop off to zero. He will find out that by improving his lovingly affectionate actions, the romance, love and sex will come back. When you love each other, keep working, (it’s really more pleasure than work) to keep the romance alive. It will pay off in incredible emotional and physical rewards. Just make dates to do fun or romantic things the way you did when you were active lovers.

I hope my words will stimulate you to stimulate your mate. Be kind, be thoughtful, be talkative and I know the love you once had, will have a greatly renewed chance to be revived.

I love to write and I LOVE to write for YOU.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also find me at http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick

or http://www.facebook.com/101WaystoStopHatingDating

or http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

 

Can Great SEX Overcome Annoying Habits?

Good friends are hard to find…and keep, (kinda like Soul Mates). So if this story seems quite familiar, and you remember their “real names,”  let’s just keep it between us. The second two names I just thought about using was Jack and Jill. I tried to scroll the list of all the names of couples I learned about growing up, and decided not to use Adam and Eve, my obvious first choice.

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Jack waited until he was in his mid-forties until he decided that since he loved Jill so much, he was ready to tie the knot. He was so proud to be with her, loved her looks, couldn’t keep his hands off her, the sex was great and she was very intelligent. What more could a guy wish for?

Soon after moving in together, cracks started to appear in their “perfect” relationship. He was a saver and she increased her spending dramatically claiming, “Now that there are two incomes, there is so much more to buy.” He was a neat freak and she was content to wait until “later” to clean up the mess she had made. They each talked about what bothered them, but in a cute loving way. “I love her/him so much it’s impossible to be 100% totally compatible, we’ll work out the little glitches,” they were fond of saying to their closest friends.

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Jill remembered very clearly that the “little” problems between them exploded the memorable night she got up and felt her way into the master bathroom attempting to tinkle in the dark. She had no idea he had forgotten to lower the toilet seat…..again. He, was blissfully dreaming when he was suddenly awoken mid-dream by the shrieking sound of Jill in distress. He jumped out of bed and ran toward the sound in the pitch dark bathroom and flicked on the light. Unfortunately for him, (but later on fortunately for his divorce attorney), Jack couldn’t stop laughing hysterically at the sight of Jill only with her head, arms and lower legs sticking out of the toilet bowl, involuntarily splashing her shivering private parts in the cold water.

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That was the event that they both referred to as “the unceremoniously opening of Pandoras Box.” All those previous cute little difference’s were now being blown out of proportion being described in x-rated profanity The name calling had started and they were at each others throats trying to remember why “I even fell in love with this asshole in the first place.”

I had dinner with him a couple of months after the finalization of their divorce, and Jack was hesitant even thinking about starting to date ever again. “It seemed so perfect in the beginning now it’s over. How do I protect myself from it ever happening again?” We both agreed to do some research and try to find the solution.

I told Jack that I had read an article about Dr. John Gottman, director of Seattle University’s “Love Lab” and founder of the Gottman Institute, that have studied thousands of couples for decades. He claims that there are “Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse.” He claims these four traits are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism includes attacking your partners personality, “why are you always so late?” Contempt is constantly putting your partner down, “you’re stupid for believing that.” Defensiveness is rebuffing your partners complaint with one of your own, (kind of like tit for tat). Stonewalling means clamming up and refusing to discuss anything at all.

If the intent is to mutually resolve the difficulty between you, then you can look for a highly recommended relationship counselor nearby your home and take classes together for resolving your particular issues. You’ll learn that stopping the hurtful accusatory words will go a long way in resolving your problems.

So Who Will Make it as a Couple?

It really boils down to good communication.Two-thirds of couples claim that their spouse often made them feel good about themselves, whereas only about one quarter of unhappy couples could claim the same thing. The rule to remember: Even if you assume your partner already knows how you feel, that he/she is smart/funny/sexy, or that you’re very grateful for the “things” they do, it’s still vey important to reiterate your appreciation for each other often.

What’s the Main Cause for Divorce?

Most people think it’s the highly dramatic ones like adultery or domestic violence but they are wrong. The main reason is a “soft” one, “We just grew apart.”

Advice on How to Make it Work

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Don’t assume that since you don’t fight constantly or get into jealous spats that all is O.K. You both need to think about improving the soft side of your relationship, In particular, doing things together. Learning to play a sport and taking bridge lessons together, taking that cooking class, or even taking Ukulele lessons together, will add additional sparks. The reason is that your togetherness creates dopamine, a chemical in our bodies that is released into your blood stream. It also was released when you first fell in love. Staying in love is not that hard; keep up the mutual respect and do fun stuff together.

It takes a concerted effort to avoid ennui (boredom). Think about all the things you always wanted to do, or try, or see, or listen to, or visit, and plan on sharing them together.

I love to hear from you. Take a few minutes and write a couple of sentences in the comments section about your love story.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Visit my Website at:  www.stophatingdating.com

or visit me at  www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

buy the e-book from  http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

 

 

 

The Big Lie and the Gullible Who? Might that be You?

What a wonderful, interesting weekend we just had. Most of the days of our lives, we’re just passing thru. Our days are replicas of most other boring, routine days, kinda reminding me of the classic Bill Murray film “Groundhog Day.” But this past extended weekend, starting with Friday evening and up to right now as I’m writing this latest Blog, we enjoyed a group of exciting experiences.

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It began innocently enough with a dinner date with another couple who we’ve known as neighbors for a long while, but no one ever took the initiative to ask the other couple to get together socially. I knew from a few conversations that he was a nice guy and people said she was funny.  Well, funny is not the word, I’d prefer calling her hysterical. Use your imagination and create a comedy mix of Ellen DeGeneres, John Rivers, and Chelsea Handler. She told stories that had us trying to catch our breath from laughing so hard. We had such a good time that I wrote to her later that evening and addressed her as my “Twin sister from another mother in another decade.”

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Another wonderful experience was watching Billy Crystals “700 Sundays” on HBO. I cannot ever remember so many moments of laughter mixed in with tears as Billy related his family life, then sadly losing his beloved father when Billy was only 15.

The Cinema Society & The New Yorker Host The After Party For "In The Loop"

Saturday evening we had a lovely romantic dinner at home and watched the film “A Civil Action,” a legal drama starring John Travolta with an amazing supporting role played by the late, great James Gandolfini.

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Sunday morning we visited a new Asian massage place for the first time that specializes in foot massage. The whole experience takes 45 minutes. They start you with a neck and upper back massage and follow by a half hour of the most incredible foot massage (Reflexology). We booked again for next weekend and another Wow experience.

Last night I looked up some interesting people on Twitter, and recall a very intriguing comment. One woman posted; “It’s kinda messed up isn’t it? How all of a sudden, someone just wakes up and decides never to talk to you again. No reason. No explanation. No words said. They just leave you hanging like you never meant shit to them, and what hurts the most is how they make it look so easy.” Now this morning, while reading my local paper I noticed a nationwide advice column called Ask Amy, that featured this headline, ” Woman confused by a change of heart.” The guy simply left her for no apparent reason.

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Hmmmm. Something very strange, yet quite familiar, is going on here. It appears that there are many heartbroken women in the same boat. Some of these bums drag women along for an interminable time with their latest version of the big lie.”I love you and I swear we will be together.” The ones in a relationship that choose to leave are not such good liars or actors, so they leave in the middle of the night, so to speak. The ones that wait for the light of day are the slightly  “braver” ones, but that doesn’t mean they will ever tell WHY, they left. Sadly there are many stories of women under the spell of those actor-liars who string their girlfriends along, delusionally wasting the best years of their lives.

Why does it also happen to the ones who have been in a long term illicit relationship? They have been leaving their wives forever, but not quite yet. Why do so many women take so long to notice his “tells” or conflicting indicators, often unbelievable stories and negative body language. Here are a group of comments that may be all or part of the answer, and why she is in the position she’s in;

a) “I love him, I have unbreakable faith that he will be mine someday.”

b)  “I know he loves me and he has this/these big problem(s) to overcome.”

c) “I know he tells me some little white lies, but that’s to protect me from some bad news.”

d) “My close friends and family know about us and don’t like him, but they are all wrong.”

e)  “I’ve waited so long, a few more (days, weeks, months, etc.), will be worth the wait.”

f) “I believe in the power of prayer.”

g)  “So what if he looks at and flirts with other women, boys will be boys.”

h) No matter how long I’ve waited for him, it only feels like a very short time since his last excuse.

I)  “I just know he is the man for me and I refuse to cheat on him and our love because I know that if I do, I will live to regret it.”

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Without knowing all your details, it is impossible for me to tell you exactly what to do. It’s easy to pull a Dr. Phil and solve your problem in 22 minutes, less commercials, but this is a serious matter, not a TV show. Just for me to call names, “He is a LIAR and you my dear, are a FOOL,” will not solve your situation.

I have combined two types of heartbreakers together, so let’s solve one at a time. As far as the guy who tells you he loves you on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and says I’m leaving on Friday, unfortunately you may never find out why he left. I’m sure you would love to know why for several reasons; curiosity, if there was someone else, or perhaps a habit or behavior or yours that he couldn’t deal with any longer. The most positive reason to know why, is because there may be something there that you can choose to change about yourself. I’m sure you would like to know what about you this guy hates, in order to see if it’s worthwhile trying to change because the next guy(s) might be bothered by the same thing. Here are some of the kinder reasons why he might say he had to leave;

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a) “It’s not you, it’s me.” George Costanza in Seinfeld thought it up, or so he thought.

b) “I just need more space.”

c) “I just need to be on my own right now to better deal with my problems.”

d) “I’m just not ready now for a committed relationship.”

e) “You must have known that I haven’t been happy for a while.”

f) “I don’t deserve you.”

Those that say nothing and leave, if pressed, might say something nasty just to inflict pain or to get revenge for some unspoken incident. Be careful what you wish for;

a) “I’ve met someone else.”

b) “I’m not in love with you.”

c) “I never was in love with you, I tried, but it never happened.”

d) “You have too many annoying habits for me to deal with.”

The other guy is the one who can’t pull the trigger by getting his divorce finalized, (so to speak.) He wants to be with you, so he says, but he either can’t make the move to freedom, or he is just using you as a sex toy with no plan for permanence. You are enabling this guy by listening to, and accepting his bull. Don’t continue to be a victim. The choice is yours. Here is what I suggest you do and how you should feel about it;

a) Give him one last deadline. Tell him if he is not free and totally available to you by the deadline, it’s definitely over. Even if you’ve had “deadlines” before, swear that this time it’s for real.

b) After he disappoints you this final time, then break it off, (What a dirty mind. I know what you’re thinking. I mean break the relationship off). No communication between you. (not even to find out about a sick relative.) Zero contact. No “accidental” running into each other, (I know you know his schedule), no calls of any kind, no computer contacts of any kind, no intervening friends to finally bring him to his senses. Nada, zip, nothing. It’s over! You’ve been used and now YOU are in charge.

c) Get on with your life. You’re terrific. Go on dates, lots of dates. Join the top dating sites, get friends to fix you up with “nice” compatible guys. Even if there’s no immediate chemistry, at least you can accumulate a new group of male friends, who also have friends, they too also have other friends, etc.

d) You will survive. Living well is the best revenge.

The death of a close, intimate, loving relationship is painful, and will take some time to totally overcome.You must pull yourself back from the quicksand of the loving memories from the good times and objectively review all of your history together. His ongoing unkept promises, lies, occasional mysterious loss of contact, the volume of times you’ve forgiven him, and now be thankful you’ve made the decision to rescue yourself. No more a victim. Just love yourself and someone truly worthy will deeply love you sooner than you ever thought possible.

Please comment in the space below. I’d love to know what’s on your mind. Have you or any close friends suffered the heartbreak of an unsuspected break-up?

I love to write and LOVE to write for you.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Please visit my website at:  www.stophatingdating.com

or visit at: http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick  or  http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

or buy the e-book at

http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

Top 5 Things Guys Want in a Girlfriend

Mensa, the international organization that caters to the top 1% of intelligent people, claims it’s a high I.Q. that guys crave, Forbes says it’s a nice, round, firm curvy nest egg, Playboy, well we have the pictures for proof, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, the two Jimmy’s; Kimmel and Fallon, and of course Dave Lettermen all claim THEY need a partner with a good sense of humor and to be able to say up late, Dr. Phil says it goes deeper, much deeper, Lance Armstrong probably would want someone who will go for a bike ride, a looooog, fast, drug aided, bike ride, and finally sex maniacs are probably in need of a partner with similar energy and drive. Just the way there are different groups with their specific preferences, there are also many different types of men who have dissimilar parameters. To further complicate the issue, if you asked men to make a list of the top things a woman MUST possess, plus the things a woman SHOULD have, and finally the things that would be NICE to have, you might need lots of paper. Now we arrive at the list of deal-breakers. I don’t want to overly complicate this issue by suggesting you put a numerical amount next to each of the listed plusses and minuses, it would be overkill. So how you decide if she is for you? How about narrowing your search down to the top 5 things that mean the most to you. Here’s what my research has revealed about the most common top traits:

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1) To most men, way down deep it’s looks, looks, and stunning  looks. In spite of many men telling women that looks are nice, but it’s really not necessary, it’s a fib. When a man looks at a very attractive woman and the voice way down deep inside says in a Barry White baritone voice, “OMG,” the chase has officially begun. After he gets to know her better and some negative personality traits appear, he may either lose interest, or continue to pursue her if the other things are easy to accept. But if the looks are not there initially, she may never have the chance for him find out what the whole person is really like. Women are less superficial and more grounded. When it comes to  physical attractiveness it’s rarely #1, a guys ability to offer support and stability moves him to the top of most woman’s lists.

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2) A “Cold Fish” is usually a deal breaker. Many men are touchy feely, a hug, a kiss, an ass grab are all needed to keep the lust alive. Yes many men are crude, they just want to jump into bed, and Wham, Bam, thank you Ma’am. He just comes and goes. If she has the guts to tell him to slow down because she needs more sensuality and patience and says,” WE have a sex problem, he replies, “Waddya mean We? People change, if she loses the tactile sensual feelings he loved at the start of their “romance,” he just may opt to look elsewhere.

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3) She has to be calm, honest, and patient. Some men love drama queens. I guess they feel that it makes the passion greater than in a conventional relationship. But count me out! I could never be involved with an out of control person who yells, screams and throws things at the drop of a hat.  Say for example, she walks in on you and your young, beautiful mistress. She starts bellowing like a banshee throwing everything at you that’s not nailed down. Is that anyway to behave? Surely not. She should sit down in bed next to you and introduce herself to your young lady friend. Then calmly ask a couple of friendly questions like, “How old are you bitch?”, “Where do you go to high school?” and “Try to guess whether I am going to kill him or both of you.” See what I mean? Calm, in control,  no raising of her voice, and doesn’t fret over the small things. I need a woman who is a good communicator, who doesn’t make me guess as if I were a mind reader.

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4) I want to be loved for me not what I can provide financially. This could be a tough one. If you are blessed with having assets that enable you to enjoy a very comfortable life, you may always have that nagging feeling that she is looking at you as a Sugar Daddy, not the love of her life that she frequently calls you. Very often, the rich older guys with the much younger arm candy, are so happy with the relationship, that they don’t have to delude themselves into believing that she really does love him. But the comfortable one who wants her to love Him, want Him, need Him, may never truly know the depth of her love. She just may be a hell of an actress.  Many rich men are looking for an authentic relationship, yet can’t rest because they’re always on the search for proof that she doesn’t care as much as she claims.

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5) She has to get “it” in order to get me. A true sense of humor is critical for me to have closure for my relationship to thrive and survive. During my dozen single years, while searching dating sites, it seemed like everyone claimed to have a “great” sense of humor. There were some obvious clues in the way it was stated on their profile that made me realize it’s was not accurate. “I’m humorous, I like jokes, I enjoy laughing,” are pretty much dead giveaways. No comedian ever called themselves humorous. I also feel that you can’t truly be funny unless you are also intelligent. Those two factors are at the top of my list. Saturday evening, Sheila and I celebrated our second year together. I can honestly say that I have laughed more these last two years than ever in my lifetime. Lucky me, she has all five factors that make me so incredibly happy.

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Tell me about your list and process for determining what is necessary for you to be happy. Love to hear from you.

I love to write, and I LOVE to write for YOU!

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Please visit my website at www.stophatingdating

You can also contact me at:

www.twitter.com/martysavarick   and   www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

The Computerized Bedroom Drove Me Wild

This story can be viewed as Part 2 or the follow-up to my last blog, “Kinky and Beautiful in the Big Apple.” No, wait. That’s not totally accurate. The previous blog has the beginning and the end of the weekend, and this one talks about the middle. Here is an inside tip about writing a blog. When I re-read what I’ve written up to now, I was ready to hit erase and start over. Now why bother you with such doubletalk? I have to tell you a little “secret” about me. Although I’m faaaar away from being religious, I truly believe I have an invisible Devil on one shoulder and an Angel on the other, both talking into a nearby ear. Angel spoke first, “Marty, it’s confusing, you should start over,” Devil jumped in, “That’s bull, if they don’t understand that you were trying to explain where this middle story fits, then screw ’em, they’re not worth writing for.” Angel then replies, “Don’t be lazy, you can make it better just by starting over.” Mr. Devil is yelling now, c’mon what the hell are you writing here, Gone With the Wind? It’s just a cock-a-mamie blog, get to the damn story.” Angel grudgingly gives in, but he surprisingly uses a zinger in his reply. “O.K., Marty do what you want, but the bad guy on your other shoulder got his way because he is yelling, name calling and threatening you. What does he think, that this is New Jersey?

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Knowing that we would have a busy weekend and going to two Broadway shows, I had researched and found a new (to me) hotel on 44th street right in the heart of the theatre district. I had read some good reviews about it, so I made the reservations. The Chatwal Hotel was as beautiful as advertised. The service was superb. The Junior Suite was roomy and appointed even nicer than we expected, except for one minor problem. It was all computerized, from the electronic drapes to the high tech potty. Now potty is definitely the wrong word to use, but some of the other synonyms are even worse. I won’t call it a; john, restroom, can, latrine, loo, throne room, urinal, toilette’s not so bad, so let’s agree on commode. The commode was more like an electronic robot than a simple toilet. It had a control panel mounted on the wall next to one’s knee that offered the user several interesting options; rear rinse, front rinse, warm air blowing up the rear (put in your own funny line here), and had a normal flushometer way in the back, beyond normal reach. Sounds like fun, or certainly great hygiene? Except there was one little problem, if you were a local guy big enough to play for the Jets, Giants, Knicks or Nets you could not enjoy the electronic modern marvel. This car wash equipment took up at least half of what would be the back half of a normal toilet seat. So unless you scrunched forward turning the front part of the seat into a nutcracker, you either had to use public facilities or hold it in for another 24hrs.

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The lights, TV’s and Drapes all were controlled by a I-Pad type panel that was thankfully on her side of the bed. Thinking back, when we first were shown the room by the hotel bellman, before he left, he asked if there was anything in the room that I needed help with, gesturing and nodding at the I-Padish control device. Little did I realize that is was as complicated as the dashboard of the Star Ship Enterprise. Of course my little Angel and Devil had some input after hearing the Bellman’s offer. Angel-“Marty Wait!, you’re not letting him go before showing us how it works?” Followed by the Darling Devil who said “Marty are you a pussy or what.? It tells you what it’s for, any moron can work it.” I’ve often wondered after a lifetime of listening to the Devil, why I still keep doing it?

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After calling the front desk and have someone come to close our drapes, then calling the front desk again and having someone get my reading lamp to work, we settled in for a comfortable night of logging off.

Saturday evening at dinner, I excused myself to go to the restaurants men’s’ room (nice guess, but you’re wrong, it was a normal bathroom), I had a conversation with another guest who was also waiting on line. He told me he owned a comedy club and travels to see up-and- coming acts. So after my angel told me this was a great chance for an audition, I told him the story about my hotel bathroom experience. He was laughing hysterically, then I walked across the bathroom for a paper toweI holding my groin moaning and faking a severe limp. He asked “what happened?” I said “Oh, I forgot to tell you that when I used the bathroom during the night, and was then looking forward to a warm “below the deck” spritz, I accidently hit the “tampon remover” button.” I’ve already made an appointment with my regular Urologist back home, Doctor Pecker.” (I kinda embellished the story for more laughs). He hired me to start next Saturday night in his comedy club in Voldosta, Georgia. The devil told me not to do it, but what the hell does the devil know about show biz?

Let me know if you had any funny or interesting HIGH-TECH experiences.

You know by now that I love to write, and I love to write for YOU.

Hope I brought a smile to your face,

Marty

Also follow me @.

www.twitter.com/martysavarick  and   www.facebook.com/martin.savarick

Worlds Best Pick-Up Line

I know it’s a very provocative title. Now don’t you get cranky when the writer or movie director plays with you and s t r e t c h e s  it out? How about a great advertisement that promises that all you have to do is watch this short video and you will be as rich as the Waltons. Even though I have found out that it is the best pickup line ever invented, and it always worked for me and my friends, it takes a while to set up the entire scenario.

If I told you what it was right now you might be happy you heard it, but trust me, you wouldn’t know the proper way to use it. It’s like the punch line coming before the joke. I know all about that. As a frustrated comedian, I know all about messing up jokes and punch lines, in fact if I wasn’t so embarrassed when I messed up a joke, then wrote the details in my day timer, we would have the makings of a whole new book, maybe even more than one.

O.K, here we go. The first thing to remember when you see someone you want to meet is to be relaxed. Some women think nervous is cute, but trust me, being cool is much better. Make eye contact and give her a big smile.  Be sure there’s nothing hanging off your teeth, your hair is combed, your clothes are clean and looking good, and your shoes, if you wear shoes, do have a nice shine. Obviously I’m kidding about your appearance, you can’t always count on looking perfect when the big chance comes to meet the girl of your dreams, but since the chances are pretty slim that you may ever see her again, just go for it with the eye contact and smile.

Coffee queues at Starbucks

So there you are, say in a Starbucks in the morning, you spot her, your heart skips a beat and you hear her ordering a large double espresso.  You take stock of yourself, and in spite of not looking perfect, you still want to meet her. Do NOT think of a pick up line. Do NOT come across corny, or as the experts say schmucky. Relax, smile and say the best pick-up line ever……..Hi………That’s it? Just a simple Hi?  Yup, and before you ask me for your money back, trust me, it’s the the universal ice breaker. Even if you don’t have a prepared follow up line, she will say Hi or Hello back to you, and I trust that you can come up with something in response. Like in that situation after hearing her order the double espresso,  I might have said “Rough night last night or tough day ahead? Great, you’re in!! You asked an open ended question which can’t be answered yes or no, and her response will lead to a conversation, or a sit down, or a request for a number to call later while she is “flying high”.

To review, in a similar situation, remember the basics, OBSERVE her actions and the surrounding area, ACT ON your observations saying something general and inoffensive, and finally pay close attention TO HER BODY LANGUAGE AND RESPONSE. The rest is up to you . Be natural, and just be yourself.

And now, the PERFECT First Date. You call her…….

You either asked her at the time of the first meeting, or got her number and ask for a “date.” Dinner in a lovely quiet restaurant is what I recommend, so you can get to have a long conversation and get to know each other. But before you do, there are some rules to remember.

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Call her the day before to confirm the time and place. Exchange emergency numbers for a last minute unexpected change of plans. Clue her in on where you are going and what to wear if the place is a surprise. At dinner, listen and wait patiently to respond, don’t interrupt, it’s vey rude. Tell her how good she looks. Don’t check out other women. Have white teeth, fresh breath, great shoes, and turn your cell off. Don’t ask about favorite music, it can be boring. Don’t talk about Religion or Politics, ESPECIALLY on a first date. Tip well and be very pleasant to the wait staff, she’s watching! Read her body language before attempting a little contact at the end of the date. A peck on the cheek is nice unless she takes the initiative. Wait until she is safely in her house before leaving. If you feel you both had a great first date, as soon as you get home it wouldn’t hurt to send her a quick text letting her know. Be sure to call the next day to set up a follow up date.

Most of us have had Dates from Hell, come to think of it, many Dates from Hell, but this one sounded great. Send me some on your dates from hell to my e-mail, its just between us. I’d love to here your comments about this Perfect Pick-up line blog. I love to write for you, and I also love to hear from you. Tell me what interests you.

Thanks,

Marty