Your Boyfriend’s Back…..Now What?

Labeling is terrible. In my humble opinion, to call a trend, an event, a happening, a misnomer, ( like the Dow IS the Stock Market, NO!, it’s just 30 stocks out of hundreds), a usual occurrence, or any other unnamed situation by a “cast in stone” name is laziness on the part of Journalists or unaware people.

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For example, when men have never married well into middle age, the common labels referring to them is “unemotionally unavailable, or having a “fear of commitment.” Here’s one of the rare areas where women get a break usually reserved for men. If a woman has never married or stayed single well into middle age, they are said to have a good list of excellent reasons not to get married. Here are just a few examples:

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1) They are still recovering from the awful effects of a long term break-up.

2)  Their busy lifestyle requires lots of travelling.

3)  They are simply focusing on their careers. It’s totally time consuming.

4)  Going through a well deserved “selfish phase.”

5)  Her standards have changed and she can’t find a “perfect man.”

6)  “I just don’t NEED a man.”

Now let’s be fair and give the guys a break. Do you think George Clooney finally “overcame” his “fear of commitment” and no longer feels “Emotionally Unavailable? Nope. I think the REAL answer is because of his lifestyle and high standards he FINALLY has met  “the one.”

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Recently sex and relationship expert and author Emily Dubberly said  to women “Life is too short to settle. Although you know you eventually want a relationship, there are times in your life when being single is a much better option.” So why wasn’t this also directed to men? In my personal opinion, I think the basic reason men hesitate about proposing is that he knows way down deep that he not ready, either financially or emotionally. And the other reason is the underrated truism, that he knows that he has not yet met “the one.”

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Now that I brought you up to date on the “modern” way to look at couples and marriage, lets go back to the title of this Blog. Heeee’s back and now what? You have to work with me here since we didn’t establish the history of your relationship with him and why it broke up. Did he leave? Did you boot him out? Now that he’s back, what does that mean to you? He’s been calling begging for a second chance or at least an opportunity to re-plead his case. Do you want to try again? If you know for sure that you still feel sorry about hurting him, think long and hard about how you may be hurting yourself if you take back a guy you were convinced, at that time, was totally wrong for you, (if not totally, then wrong enough.)  Maybe he left you and realized HE was wrong when he initiated the break up in a fit of overheated rage. Later when he cooled off, he realized that he really loves you. Did you think you loved him enough to work on getting back together? Do you want to get back with a hot head who can’t control his behavior, or are you a passion freak like in the books and movies? The description of how it happened and the details are yours, and so is the decision. So as the old Ella Fitzgerald “Too Close For Comfort” song lyrics (kinda) goes;” Be wise, be smart, behave my heart, don’t upset the cart, when it’s so close.”

Good Luck and make a wise choice.

I think many of your friends have or will face similar circumstances after a break-up. If you would be kind enough to send this blog to them via your e-mail list, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest or any other Social media you’re into, both they and I will appreciate your effort, and while you’re at it ask if they would do the same to their list of contacts.

Thanks,

Marty

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You can also find me on my webpage   stophatingdating.com  or

http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

 

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Do You Turn Your Man Off And Don’t Know HOW?

Well, you do….the end. No just kidding, this is a serious and complex problem, much research and insight is required. It also needs to be looked at from both the male AND female perspectives. Ladies, I know sometimes when you say or do something that is uncomfortable for him, or do not do what is expected, it could cause him to feel that you are inconsiderate or even worse, you just don’t care about the consequences of hurting his feelings. Unclench the fists, unfold the arms, smile, hug and talk it out.

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Although men puff up their chests and egos to show the World how tough and independent they are, many guys, like me, are very aware of the little things and are overly sensitive when feeling underappreciated.

Here are a Few Examples of Some Mistakes in Manners that may Turn Him Off:

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1)  Not Showing your Gratitude when he Pays.  It seems easy to remember as a habit or knee-jerk reaction to always say “Thank You”, when he buys you Dinner when on a date. Writing an e-mail note, or making a phone call to thank him later that evening, or the next day, is also acceptable and appreciated. But when he does many things for you, and you don’t show you appreciate what he has done, he just may start feeling foolish for doing what he has done for you, and start looking elsewhere for someone who shows she cares.

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2)  Trash Talking.  No guy wants to be berated, or corrected for previous behavior from your last life, especially in a public place with prying eyes all around. If you have the need to bash him for, say example a previous woman in his life; first try to talk yourself out of doing it, and if that doesn’t work, smack yourself upside your head for being so dumb making him feel angry and defensive. Why would anybody have such a compulsive need to start a fight and ruin a perfectly good evening, (and eventually, a good relationship?) An ex-girlfriend is the example I’m using here, but I’m sure there are regrets from other fights you started about other subjects. First, say to yourself…What good can come from this? Then follow up with; Don’t tug on Superman’s Cape, he just may fly away.

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3)  Answering Non-Emergency Cell Phone Calls. Chatting with your girlfriends while with him is very rude. He should be your focus and you can always chat with friends or family later. In fact, it’s a good idea to leave your ringer off. If you know you may get an emergency call, tell him in advance and just check if it is in fact an emergency call, if you get a call from that number, it happens.

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4)  Don’t Talk Down to Him. Nobody enjoys being talked down to. You may not be aware that when you are defending; your career vs. his, your political party, or different religions, he may feel you are talking down to him, as if his choices don’t matter. These three subjects are highly contentious and personal, with little or no room for compromise. When you battle about these and other sensitive subject assume the end may be near.

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5)  Knowing When to Take a Hint. Men usually have code signals with their buddies, so they know when it’s time to do, or not to do “the thing we talked about.” Their code words don’t always work so well with women. As we know, women have very little problems carrying on a conversation. In fact sometimes they don’t pick up on what he says, and has no idea what he may be hinting at. This could be a source of frustration to many men, (how come my pals know and she has no clue?)  When a woman likes a man, and I mean REALLY likes him, she manages to start sleeping over his place, takes over the planning of their social life “let’s not see them, let’s go with my friends instead”. Soon she is picking out his clothes, and many other uncalled for and often upsetting changes he didn’t plan on. He doesn’t want to fight with her, but she is getting under his skin and on his nerves, so much so, that he eventually erupts into a relationship bursting rage. So ladies, pay attention, keep reading him carefully, don’t make him do what he doesn’t really want to do, most likely it will backfire. If he keeps on checking his watch, and appears to be jumpy, those are clear signals that he is ready for alone time, and soon!

Please let me know in the comment section, if you are familiar with a similar story. Friends watched their relationship gradually deteriorate, mainly because she didn’t appreciate him enough, HAD to get her way all the time and kept trying to change him in ways he quietly objected to. He didn’t like the little battles and skirmishes, but it led to overwhelming anger and eventually WAR and the break-up.

Will you please do me a favor? Would you mind sharing this Blog with your friends on your lists and ask them to share with the people on their  lists. I’m sure you have friends on your e-mail list in addition to; Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and other Social Media outlets. They will appreciate you sharing with them trying to help them in their relationship experiences. “A word to the wise is what friends do for each other.”

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You also can reach me at:    http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

my Website is:  stophatingdating.com

and Amazon is:   www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick