Do You Turn Your Man Off And Don’t Know HOW?

Well, you do….the end. No just kidding, this is a serious and complex problem, much research and insight is required. It also needs to be looked at from both the male AND female perspectives. Ladies, I know sometimes when you say or do something that is uncomfortable for him, or do not do what is expected, it could cause him to feel that you are inconsiderate or even worse, you just don’t care about the consequences of hurting his feelings. Unclench the fists, unfold the arms, smile, hug and talk it out.

Although men puff up their chests and egos to show the World how tough and independent they are, many guys, like me, are very aware of the little things and are overly sensitive when feeling underappreciated.

Here are a Few Examples of Some Mistakes in Manners that may Turn Him Off:

1)  Not Showing your Gratitude when he Pays.  It seems easy to remember as a habit or knee-jerk reaction to always say “Thank You”, when he buys you Dinner when on a date. Writing an e-mail note, or making a phone call to thank him later that evening, or the next day, is also acceptable and appreciated. But when he does many things for you, and you don’t show you appreciate what he has done, he just may start feeling foolish for doing what he has done for you, and start looking elsewhere for someone who shows she cares.

2)  Trash Talking.  No guy wants to be berated, or corrected for previous behavior from your last life, especially in a public place with prying eyes all around. If you have the need to bash him for, say example a previous woman in his life; first try to talk yourself out of doing it, and if that doesn’t work, smack yourself upside your head for being so dumb making him feel angry and defensive. Why would anybody have such a compulsive need to start a fight and ruin a perfectly good evening, (and eventually, a good relationship?) An ex-girlfriend is the example I’m using here, but I’m sure there are regrets from other fights you started about other subjects. First, say to yourself…What good can come from this? Then follow up with; Don’t tug on Superman’s Cape, he just may fly away.

3)  Answering Non-Emergency Cell Phone Calls. Chatting with your girlfriends while with him is very rude. He should be your focus and you can always chat with friends or family later. In fact, it’s a good idea to leave your ringer off. If you know you may get an emergency call, tell him in advance and just check if it is in fact an emergency call, if you get a call from that number, it happens.

4)  Don’t Talk Down to Him. Nobody enjoys being talked down to. You may not be aware that when you are defending; your career vs. his, your political party, or different religions, he may feel you are talking down to him, as if his choices don’t matter. These three subjects are highly contentious and personal, with little or no room for compromise. When you battle about these and other sensitive subject assume the end may be near.

5)  Knowing When to Take a Hint. Men usually have code signals with their buddies, so they know when it’s time to do, or not to do “the thing we talked about.” Their code words don’t always work so well with women. As we know, women have very little problems carrying on a conversation. In fact sometimes they don’t pick up on what he says, and has no idea what he may be hinting at. This could be a source of frustration to many men, (how come my pals know and she has no clue?)  When a woman likes a man, and I mean REALLY likes him, she manages to start sleeping over his place, takes over the planning of their social life “let’s not see them, let’s go with my friends instead”. Soon she is picking out his clothes, and many other uncalled for and often upsetting changes he didn’t plan on. He doesn’t want to fight with her, but she is getting under his skin and on his nerves, so much so, that he eventually erupts into a relationship bursting rage. So ladies, pay attention, keep reading him carefully, don’t make him do what he doesn’t really want to do, most likely it will backfire. If he keeps on checking his watch, and appears to be jumpy, those are clear signals that he is ready for alone time, and soon!

Please let me know in the comment section, if you are familiar with a similar story. Friends watched their relationship gradually deteriorate, mainly because she didn’t appreciate him enough, HAD to get her way all the time and kept trying to change him in ways he quietly objected to. He didn’t like the little battles and skirmishes, but it led to overwhelming anger and eventually WAR and the break-up.

Will you please do me a favor? Would you mind sharing this Blog with your friends on your lists and ask them to share with the people on their  lists. I’m sure you have friends on your e-mail list in addition to; Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and other Social Media outlets. They will appreciate you sharing with them trying to help them in their relationship experiences. “A word to the wise is what friends do for each other.”

Thanks,

Marty

You also can reach me at:    http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

my Website is:  stophatingdating.com

and Amazon is:   www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

Are You Right For Each Other?

We all know what Love is. It’s that warm, fuzzy, erotic, feeling that you can’t be apart. You can’t get enough of each other. You think of being with your love all the time, every place or position conceivable.

Now hold on there, you hotsy-totsy. It’s time to bring your brain into the mix. You must start that smart motor going, and bring experience, wisdom and intelligence into the future planning between you two. Lust can carry you for a while, but if you’re looking long term, you must;

Consider Critical Compatibility Components, (The Four C’s)

Before we even think about those areas where compatibility must be considered and discussed in depth, let’s first think about what situations can cause relationships to end.

Here are 5 of the top deal breakers for many couples;

 

1)  Drinking- I’m not talking about having a drink with dinner or an occasional brew with a buddy, I’m talking about Alcoholism. Unless the alcoholic agrees to immediately get sober and bring in the professionals to permanently be cured, this party is over.

2)  Smoking-Though not as dangerous from a social standpoint, it is a smelly, dangerous, and unhealthy bad habit. It calls for another cold turkey fix or else you, your car and your home will smell like nicotine practically overnight. If you want a relationship with a non-smoker, make them wean off and then stop the smoking, no excuses.

3)  Religious Differences-From my standpoint, I don’t know how a person of faith can live with an atheist, and of course, vice-versa (religious sheep vs. heathen). It is self-explanatory. Even though it may not come up by mutual agreement, it will eventually rear it’s ugly head and very well could bring on a break-up.

4)  Political Beliefs-If a full time Fox watcher is involved with a full time MSNBC viewer, it becomes a battlefield for opposing opinions. I don’t know if you have ever tried to reason with someone about their political views, in the hope of  “straightening them out” with what you believe to be the truth? Believe me, it doesn’t work and it never will between a couple on polar opposite sides of the political spectrum.

5)  Baggage- Unless you have totally leveled with each other about what you are bringing into the relationship with you, future problems are sure to occur. Many people neglect to bring up; painful history, family members, ex-spouses, ex-partners, ex-legal problems (some still yet to be resolved), and other surprises, you are usually doomed for failure, because you “didn’t tell the WHOLE truth.”

Now lets Consider the OTHER Compatibility Components that need to thoroughly be discussed before you commit to be together “until death do us part.” or some other long term arrangement:

1)  Age-Hefner has been doing it for half a century and many other older men love bumping into a hard body in exchange for access to their life-style and what great wealth can provide. I guess that leaves younger men for older women who can afford a boy-toy. The youngins both “understand” that they are trading off sexual favors for living large. Some guys look at an older woman as a “mommy” figure, and some young girls who grew up without a male in their young lives want to sit on their new daddy’s lap and cuddle. But often when it is a May-December romance, the couples have to learn to accept each others habits, likes/dislikes and be aware of any factors that could ruin their togetherness. The subjects of music, movies and night-life comes immediately to mind. Spend lots of time together first to identify non-compatible preferences and attempt to work them out.

2)  Education-Possibly could cause conflicts of interests especially if they require brain power and intellectual pursuits.

3)  Individual finances- I realize that nowadays, because of women’s equality, the finances work out using this following formula. “His money is theirs, and her money is hers.” If she has the big bucks and the better higher paying career, their financial situation must be resolved before making any type of permanent commitment.

4)  Respect-Aretha Franklin brought that great word into our common lexicon and it is very important how couples honestly respect each other when they are going ahead making plans for their future.

5)  Psychology-They have to make an in-depth analysis of their future long term partners personality traits and what drives their demons, if any. When in doubt, discuss it at length and bring in professionals, if necessary.

6) Bad Habits-If they bother you, talk about them and try to work on changing them. I know this is a common sense solution, but sometimes common sense is not very common.

7)  Intimacy-Thank goodness we don’t have to deal with arranged marriages or virgins like the olden days. Today, younger modern women are not waiting to be “fixed-up,” or waiting by the phone to be asked out on a date. Many of their single mothers and grandmothers are still doing it the old fashioned so called “respectful way.” Ladies you’re free and equal, so take the initiative and call a guy that appeals to you to have a drink, or meet for coffee, on you. In terms of intimacy, once  protected and safe from disease or pregnancy, let yourself go. Be involved, proactive and get creative in bed. No time to be shy and demure. Make believe you are making a porno movie, or better yet teach him the wonderful advantages of Tantric intimacy.  Most men don’t know how to make love and how to properly satisfy a woman. All they think about is slam, bam, thank you ma’am.” I got my big O and I’m outta here.” Devi Ward, a top Tantric Sex instructor who interviewed me a few weeks ago about my e-book, told me that a woman’s body is like a large pot being heated by a small flame and a mans body is a small pot heated by a large flame. Pretty soon the mans pot boils over and liquid spews everywhere, but the woman’s body is still warming up. It takes a woman much longer to be ready for sex than a man. Tantric sex teaches us that sex should last for hours. There is no beginning (sexual excitement), middle (penetration), or end (climax). It’s not all about the Orgasm, but about enriching the whole sexual experience, and exploring a new path to sexual fulfillment. Key features of Tantric Sex is the importance of breathing properly, and slowing down sexual behavior. Look up Devi Ward on the Internet or do research into the 1500 year old Indian practice of total fulfillment techniques from other instructors.

Now you have seen there’s much more than just lust involved in creating and enjoying a compatible relationship. Good luck in finding and KEEPING Your Soul-Mate. I would greatly appreciate your input. Just write a comment in the comment box or write me a private e-mail.  savconsulting@yahoo.com

Thanks ,

Marty

You can also reach me at:   www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or

http://www.facebook.com/101waystotophatingdating    or

http://www.Amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

Is it Worth Rescuing Your Relationship?

It could be as wide spread as turning around a first date that has lost it’s chance for a good first impression, all the way to a boring 50+ year long marriage, if you both care to rescue it, it can be done. O.K. now you can take a deep breath. Don’t you just hate those looong sentences? Sometimes I wish that I could write like one of my literary hero’s, Ernest Hemingway. I enjoyed his economical and unadorned style of writing. He wrote some of the greatest novels of all time; “The Sun Also Rises”, “For Whom the Bell Tolls”, “A Farewell to Arms” and a “special” favorite of mine which I read at 13, “The Old Man And The Sea”, (notice that even in his 6 word title, no word is longer than three letters.)

“Fish, he said, I have love and respect you very much. But I will kill you dead before this day ends.” So pure, so simple, so direct, so different than others authors that bored me with their lengthy descriptions. James Michener once took three pages to describe a tree. Perhaps I’m exaggerating a tad, but you get the embellishment idea.

My apology Ernie, but today I have to be a little more detailed, verbose and effusive describing todays complicated subject matter. Try to visualize these 8 relationship problem areas while also thinking about how you would be going about fixing your own (if any apply).

The Top 8 In No Special Order

1)  Who made up these Rules? I call them readily accepted truisms, but where is it written that these are the OFFICIAL RULES. a) When dating, women should expect to go to bed on the third date. Really? What if she’s not ready? I’m going to take a guess here…this RULE was made up by men. b) What about the 7 year itch? It seems to be common knowledge that one partner, (usually the man), will stray after six years of fidelity, (especially if it was with Marilyn Monroe). c) Here’s one I recently heard about called the “15 year immunity clause,” that means if you can make the marriage last 15 years, it will last until “death do us part.” It didn’t work for me, twice. I wonder what the facts really are.

2)  Problems communicating. Guys usually don’t like small talk. They also don’t pour out their heart to a close buddy. Women are different. Most women I know can’t get their guy to talk about their problems, so they have a close trusted friend to pour her heart out to. I think it’s critical for the salvation of the relationship that she has to convince him to at least “start to talk about us.” That’s usually when you hear those oft said words from him, “I didn’t know you felt that way, how come you never told me,” DUH?

3)  Intimacy awareness. He’s ready, she’s not. He’s angry at her unwillingness to do her “womanly duties” to make him happy. She can’t understand why he is such an “animal,” and can’t comprehend that she’s tired, not feeling well and not in the mood for another wham! bam! thank you mam! ZZZZzzzz.  It’s really so simple to work out. Just be honest and accept your partners excuses. If they are not interested in sex at that moment, maybe they will tomorrow, discuss it then. No emotion needed, just open, honest communication. Sounds easy right?

4)  Compromise. That’s a key word in a relationship. When you’re single you do what you want to do, unless a friend talks you out of it. However when you are together and you determine that she wants her choice at a seemingly 90% level and you want yours at about 30% degree of desire, just read her correctly and be wise to give in. Maybe you’ll “win” the next time. You can try to keep score if you like, and if you feel she is getting her way a disproportionate percentage of the time, then discuss it civilly. I had that situation once. She was very frequently demonstrative and emotional about seeing her choice of movie NOW. I really didn’t care that much, so I always deferred, until I was anxious to see my movie, so we discussed it, and I won. She didn’t like the headlock I put her in then pinning her down with my knees on her arms and counting her out, it surprisingly made her a tad cranky. But sometimes you have to assert yourself. As my Pappy used to say “Don’t let them crap on your head, Open your mouth.” YUCK. Please don’t take that literally.

5)  The truth will set you free. When I stopped lying my life totally changed. Since I was getting older and more forgetful, I was also forgetting my lies. I called them all little white lies so her feelings wouldn’t be hurt, but some lies were beyond little and white. If you pay attention to politics and the media, people who get caught lying are usually in much more trouble than those who admit it and get it over with.  Hiding the truth about ones inability to stop shopping continuously building up credit card debt will be a huge problem when it is revealed. Also concealing baggage (secrets) about; former family members, friends, older children, exes, business relationships, and legal problems could cause huge often unresolvable predicaments.

6)  Shy or sly in bed can make you cry. Even if you’re not really in the mood, I suggest cuddling. The simple act of togetherness or just touching body parts can create a surprising sense of sexual intimacy. If you are a women, you know it takes a while to get interested (turned on), so initiate the closeness yourself, it just may turn into something delicious. As you realize, you must go very slowly at first. If he senses you’re horny and ready, he’ll pop a woodie and jump you well before you are ready. Try to slip him a Valium instead of his normal Viagra.

7)  Nothing is perfect. Especially us as incredibly diverse human beings. If you make up a list of what you want/need in a mate, you may be disappointed that the list of physical attributes can’t overcome some disturbing emotional malfunctioning. So you really have to re-think your physical perfection list, and add important personality requirements that  should zoom up to the top of your list. Here are a few four letter words to add; Good, nice, kind, wise, talk, care, and the most important one…someone who can truly LOVE.

8)  Keeping the romance alive. In the beginning it was amazing. Charisma at first sight, followed by Fireworks! Sparks! and Explosions!  They couldn’t keep their hand off each other, even in public. He wanted sex hourly. She had a big smile on her face but was tired, worn out, but she only felt complete and fulfilled when he was inside of her. Gradually old man time with his cohorts; boredom and routine took over. Now, even though she’ll never initiate anything sexual because of the fear of being rejected, she still misses the lovemaking. He seems bored, distracted and into beer, sports, porn and those challenging video games with his buddies. He has to start over to rekindle the romance. Start saying complimentary things, hug her whenever you see her, tell her how happy you are with her and start doing the physical things to rekindle the flame. The initial lust may be gone, but that doesn’t mean you must drop off to zero. He will find out that by improving his lovingly affectionate actions, the romance, love and sex will come back. When you love each other, keep working, (it’s really more pleasure than work) to keep the romance alive. It will pay off in incredible emotional and physical rewards. Just make dates to do fun or romantic things the way you did when you were active lovers.

I hope my words will stimulate you to stimulate your mate. Be kind, be thoughtful, be talkative and I know the love you once had, will have a greatly renewed chance to be revived.

I love to write and I LOVE to write for YOU.

Thanks,

Marty

You can also find me at http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick

or http://www.facebook.com/101WaystoStopHatingDating

or http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

 

Can Great SEX Overcome Annoying Habits?

Good friends are hard to find…and keep, (kinda like Soul Mates). So if this story seems quite familiar, and you remember their “real names,”  let’s just keep it between us. The second two names I just thought about using was Jack and Jill. I tried to scroll the list of all the names of couples I learned about growing up, and decided not to use Adam and Eve, my obvious first choice.

Jack waited until he was in his mid-forties until he decided that since he loved Jill so much, he was ready to tie the knot. He was so proud to be with her, loved her looks, couldn’t keep his hands off her, the sex was great and she was very intelligent. What more could a guy wish for?

Soon after moving in together, cracks started to appear in their “perfect” relationship. He was a saver and she increased her spending dramatically claiming, “Now that there are two incomes, there is so much more to buy.” He was a neat freak and she was content to wait until “later” to clean up the mess she had made. They each talked about what bothered them, but in a cute loving way. “I love her/him so much it’s impossible to be 100% totally compatible, we’ll work out the little glitches,” they were fond of saying to their closest friends.

Jill remembered very clearly that the “little” problems between them exploded the memorable night she got up and felt her way into the master bathroom attempting to tinkle in the dark. She had no idea he had forgotten to lower the toilet seat…..again. He, was blissfully dreaming when he was suddenly awoken mid-dream by the shrieking sound of Jill in distress. He jumped out of bed and ran toward the sound in the pitch dark bathroom and flicked on the light. Unfortunately for him, (but later on fortunately for his divorce attorney), Jack couldn’t stop laughing hysterically at the sight of Jill only with her head, arms and lower legs sticking out of the toilet bowl, involuntarily splashing her shivering private parts in the cold water.

That was the event that they both referred to as “the unceremoniously opening of Pandoras Box.” All those previous cute little difference’s were now being blown out of proportion being described in x-rated profanity The name calling had started and they were at each others throats trying to remember why “I even fell in love with this asshole in the first place.”

I had dinner with him a couple of months after the finalization of their divorce, and Jack was hesitant even thinking about starting to date ever again. “It seemed so perfect in the beginning now it’s over. How do I protect myself from it ever happening again?” We both agreed to do some research and try to find the solution.

I told Jack that I had read an article about Dr. John Gottman, director of Seattle University’s “Love Lab” and founder of the Gottman Institute, that have studied thousands of couples for decades. He claims that there are “Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse.” He claims these four traits are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism includes attacking your partners personality, “why are you always so late?” Contempt is constantly putting your partner down, “you’re stupid for believing that.” Defensiveness is rebuffing your partners complaint with one of your own, (kind of like tit for tat). Stonewalling means clamming up and refusing to discuss anything at all.

If the intent is to mutually resolve the difficulty between you, then you can look for a highly recommended relationship counselor nearby your home and take classes together for resolving your particular issues. You’ll learn that stopping the hurtful accusatory words will go a long way in resolving your problems.

So Who Will Make it as a Couple?

It really boils down to good communication.Two-thirds of couples claim that their spouse often made them feel good about themselves, whereas only about one quarter of unhappy couples could claim the same thing. The rule to remember: Even if you assume your partner already knows how you feel, that he/she is smart/funny/sexy, or that you’re very grateful for the “things” they do, it’s still vey important to reiterate your appreciation for each other often.

What’s the Main Cause for Divorce?

Most people think it’s the highly dramatic ones like adultery or domestic violence but they are wrong. The main reason is a “soft” one, “We just grew apart.”

Advice on How to Make it Work

Don’t assume that since you don’t fight constantly or get into jealous spats that all is O.K. You both need to think about improving the soft side of your relationship, In particular, doing things together. Learning to play a sport and taking bridge lessons together, taking that cooking class, or even taking Ukulele lessons together, will add additional sparks. The reason is that your togetherness creates dopamine, a chemical in our bodies that is released into your blood stream. It also was released when you first fell in love. Staying in love is not that hard; keep up the mutual respect and do fun stuff together.

It takes a concerted effort to avoid ennui (boredom). Think about all the things you always wanted to do, or try, or see, or listen to, or visit, and plan on sharing them together.

I love to hear from you. Take a few minutes and write a couple of sentences in the comments section about your love story.

Thanks,

Marty

Visit my Website at:  www.stophatingdating.com

or visit me at  www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

buy the e-book from  http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

 

 

 

10 Types of Men to Avoid

What inspires me to write a blog? First, I welcome those wonderful middle of the night epiphanies. I’ve learned to keep a pad and pen on my night table and to switch on the light, so hopefully what I attempt to write down will be legible in the a.m. Notice I said, “switch on the light,” because I’ve learned through trial and error that scribbling some ideas half groggily at 3 a.m. in the dark turns into Farci, Yiddish or Mandarin in the early light of day. I also read a lot, and if I find something that I think would appeal to you, I use that concept and run with it. Sometimes it is so well written that I shamelessly “borrow” more than I should (In a state of total envy) and give them the credit they deserve for their writing skills. This Blog was “influenced” by Norine Dworkin-McDaniel who is a Special Contributor to Lifescript, an excellent newsletter for women. Her article was titled “7 Types of Men to Avoid.” I added; three more types, changed most of her wording, and added some of my special brand of humor. I think it will be very informative and quite helpful for you to realize these types of guys are out there, all of them eventually ending up breaking your heart.

1) Mr. Jealous.  It may take you a while to discover, but he probably has learned by now to cover it up well. He has little or no self-confidence. His insecurities will eventually drive you crazy; he needs you to comfort and praise him constantly, including trying to be positive and complement him for the “good parts” of his messing up. He just can’t handle the truth because it’s too painful. Living a long life with this type will cause YOU real pain.

2) Mr. No-Moneybags.  These guys not only exude lots of charm but they also seems to be so financially comfortable. They, unfortunately have Rolls Royce tastes and Kia budgets. Their special skills lay in their ability to find women with money. He does special research using his pre-war windup computer to locate grieving widows (by reading the Obituaries daily), locating women with trust funds who were never married, and women older than he, who initially are only looking for a classy man to escort them to charity balls and the like. He eventually manages to get into their hearts and wallets.

3)  Mr. Marry-Go-Round.  This type has little or no respect for the institution of marriage. For him it is only a piece of paper tied into a fault free, and payment free pre-nuptial agreement. Before marrying, he tells his bride-to-be that in order to protect his assets, his lawyers insist on him having a pre-nup that says he doesn’t have to pay out one cent until you reach, (pick a number) 2?, 3?, or even 5? years of marriage. You can bet your bottom dollar that he has already filed to break up the marriage well before the deadline date.  He probably has been out looking to trade you in for a newer model.

4) Mr. Peter Pan Syndrome.  Although his birth certificate claims he is in his 30’s or 40’s his behavior is 100% Frat boy. His favorite activity is sitting on the sofa surrounded by beer, appetizers, chips and his best buddies playing video games,  jumping and screaming as if they have just won the lottery. They are on a first name basis with the “best” bartenders in town, and always ready to go on a fishing trip (usually to Las Vegas, the only fish in Vegas are at the tables.) You learn to love his spontaneity and sense of adventure by para-sailing over the beach in Cancun or Acapulco, but when you really need him, it’s like asking a 10 year old for help and emotional support. Yes, your Peter Pan will eventually grow up into a perennial bachelor, who still cares more for the latest video game rather than having a serious relationship with you.

5)  Mr. Heavy Baggage.  Hardly anybody comes into a potential relationship totally unencumbered. There usually are; children, grandchildren, ex-spouses, alimony payments, ex’s children and their families. Add in the debts, lawsuits, business problems, crazies lurking around the corner or online, brothers, sisters, weird friends, health problems, pets and prior in-force contracts, just to name a few. Do you really need any more? Here’s how to root them out into the open. Ask to meet “the family” as soon as you two talk about commitment or have had the “together forever” pledge. When you do meet them, try to find an unhappy member of the group and talk to them privately. Ask a few probing questions. Are you unhappy? Why? What’s going on in the family? Be prepared to jump back to avoid the angry words spewing from their mouth. Time to hit the road and leave the guy with the baggage behind.

6) Mr. Mama’s Boy.  He is so nice. It’s rare nowadays that you can call a person nice. It’s the nicest four letter word we can use in describing another. He is also kind and affectionate, well trained in the kitchen and laundry. Unfortunately he is hung up on another woman-his mother. I’m sure it’s not the fantasy threesome you had envisioned. Mom is super competent. She manages his checkbook, his investment portfolio, real estate (where he is to live), politics (who he will vote for), and other means of controlling his every decision. If you push him to choose sides, guess who loses….and don’t let the door slam you in the tush as you are leaving, mostly for your sanity.

7) Mr. Permanent Bachelor  You find it impossible to believe that the guy you just dated for the first time is still available. Why hasn’t someone grabbed him up until now? He is so handsome, so smart, so funny, so financially stable in his own successful business, such a perfect gentleman, and his kisses melt you like ice cream outdoors in summer. After a few more dates while you are daydreaming about your white picket fence future, he then apparently reads your mind and disappears, out of your life forever. He left so quickly that when you look down, you can see his skid marks on the tile floor. If he was ever asked if he has found Mrs. Right yet, he would reply, “No, not yet, but I’m still looking.” With a perennial bachelor, there is no Mrs.right and probably never will be. But women’s nature rears up and says, “I’ll be the one.” but if no one has been Mrs.Right, you probably won’t be either.

8) Mr. Egomaniac. I guess because I hate braggarts so much, I think I have a Bill O’Reilly/Donald Trump personality detector and all egomaniacs set of an internal alarm. Not everybody has one. Too bad, these guys will Superego you to distraction. Usually they are brilliant, accomplished and have an unflagging braggadocios belief in their own superhuman infallibility. He usually doesn’t like competition. Although he claims to seek out an equal, if you outshine him he will retaliate to knock you down while rebuilding himself up again. Some ego driven men think nothing of embarrassing loved ones in public to re-assert themselves, especially in their own minds. Many women are smitten with the strong, silent, tough guy type; Clint Eastwood in his prime and Big John Wayne could certainly make your day. Nowadays, I even heard some women talk lovingly about Chris Christie because, “He’s tough and he would fight for me.”  Most people with his demeanor are just loudmouth bullies, plain and simple. Hit the road before this macho bully ruins your life.

9) Mr. Not Good In Bed.  Woman talks her intimate partner into going to a sex doctor. The Doctor addresses them and says, “I understand you have a sex problem.” the guy says, “I don’t have a problem, she has the problem, she comes too late.” Sexually experienced women know the difference if the guy is not a good lover. He doesn’t kiss well (and you don’t want me to go into what bad kissers do or don’t do) You’re welcome. But there is more to being good in bed or being a good lover. Touching, tenderness, erotic contact with words and physical contact well before the actual act, is a necessary build up for a woman. She wants to feel desired, her body is a beautiful compilation of skin and nerve endings that should be played as if you were playing a Stradivarius violin. It takes time. Her lover must use his lips, tongue, fingers and all over gentle tactile massage to get a woman ready for what should last hours, not one minute. He wants to ejaculate so he can go to the refrigerator then turn on the TV and watch the game, or what’s even worse, watch porn. Having sex and making love are two different things that many men no nothing about. Good luck trying to train them. Give it a shot before you drop him, your efforts just may be rewarded.

10) Mr. Control Freak. I’m a sucker for nature shows especially where they depict animals in deadly combat for survival. Last week I saw a battle between a large alligator and a huge Boa constrictor The Boa eventually squeezed the life out of the gator, eventually unhinged it’s jaws and swallowed it whole. I know it’s a stretch, but dating a Control Freak is like gradually having the breath being squeezed out of YOUR body. It starts innocently enough, but by the sheer strength of his will, you will be eating at the restaurants he wants, watching the movies he picks, and hanging out with only his friends. If he is the typical Control Freak, he will be dictating everything, from what you are wearing, to how you spend your free time. His obvious concern and attention is surely flattering, so you start to believe it’s all about you, but one day you wake up and ask, Where did I go? Who am I? The best way to avoid being in his grasp is to be aware of his behavior early on. If he seems too involved in ALL your activities and tells you what to do, who to see and where to go and with whom, a bell should go off in your brain. He always expects you to agree with him and if you dare not to, he will berate you until you see it his way. Don’t allow it to continue because that Boa Constrictor is trying to remove all your ability to object and to defer to him, totally micromanaging you, by then it’s too late. In summary, as soon as you realize he is a control freak…. Run-don’t walk-away.

Have you been a victim in the past? Do any of these 10 types of the wrong men remind you of a current relationship? Get out before you potentially waste the best years of your life (including your childbearing ones), with a guy who will only break your heart.

Please comment below.

Thanks,

Marty

Reach my Website at    www.stophatingdating.com

or reach me at http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or  www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

or  http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

The Big Lie and the Gullible Who? Might that be You?

What a wonderful, interesting weekend we just had. Most of the days of our lives, we’re just passing thru. Our days are replicas of most other boring, routine days, kinda reminding me of the classic Bill Murray film “Groundhog Day.” But this past extended weekend, starting with Friday evening and up to right now as I’m writing this latest Blog, we enjoyed a group of exciting experiences.

It began innocently enough with a dinner date with another couple who we’ve known as neighbors for a long while, but no one ever took the initiative to ask the other couple to get together socially. I knew from a few conversations that he was a nice guy and people said she was funny.  Well, funny is not the word, I’d prefer calling her hysterical. Use your imagination and create a comedy mix of Ellen DeGeneres, John Rivers, and Chelsea Handler. She told stories that had us trying to catch our breath from laughing so hard. We had such a good time that I wrote to her later that evening and addressed her as my “Twin sister from another mother in another decade.”

Another wonderful experience was watching Billy Crystals “700 Sundays” on HBO. I cannot ever remember so many moments of laughter mixed in with tears as Billy related his family life, then sadly losing his beloved father when Billy was only 15.

Saturday evening we had a lovely romantic dinner at home and watched the film “A Civil Action,” a legal drama starring John Travolta with an amazing supporting role played by the late, great James Gandolfini.

Sunday morning we visited a new Asian massage place for the first time that specializes in foot massage. The whole experience takes 45 minutes. They start you with a neck and upper back massage and follow by a half hour of the most incredible foot massage (Reflexology). We booked again for next weekend and another Wow experience.

Last night I looked up some interesting people on Twitter, and recall a very intriguing comment. One woman posted; “It’s kinda messed up isn’t it? How all of a sudden, someone just wakes up and decides never to talk to you again. No reason. No explanation. No words said. They just leave you hanging like you never meant shit to them, and what hurts the most is how they make it look so easy.” Now this morning, while reading my local paper I noticed a nationwide advice column called Ask Amy, that featured this headline, ” Woman confused by a change of heart.” The guy simply left her for no apparent reason.

Hmmmm. Something very strange, yet quite familiar, is going on here. It appears that there are many heartbroken women in the same boat. Some of these bums drag women along for an interminable time with their latest version of the big lie.”I love you and I swear we will be together.” The ones in a relationship that choose to leave are not such good liars or actors, so they leave in the middle of the night, so to speak. The ones that wait for the light of day are the slightly  “braver” ones, but that doesn’t mean they will ever tell WHY, they left. Sadly there are many stories of women under the spell of those actor-liars who string their girlfriends along, delusionally wasting the best years of their lives.

Why does it also happen to the ones who have been in a long term illicit relationship? They have been leaving their wives forever, but not quite yet. Why do so many women take so long to notice his “tells” or conflicting indicators, often unbelievable stories and negative body language. Here are a group of comments that may be all or part of the answer, and why she is in the position she’s in;

a) “I love him, I have unbreakable faith that he will be mine someday.”

b)  “I know he loves me and he has this/these big problem(s) to overcome.”

c) “I know he tells me some little white lies, but that’s to protect me from some bad news.”

d) “My close friends and family know about us and don’t like him, but they are all wrong.”

e)  “I’ve waited so long, a few more (days, weeks, months, etc.), will be worth the wait.”

f) “I believe in the power of prayer.”

g)  “So what if he looks at and flirts with other women, boys will be boys.”

h) No matter how long I’ve waited for him, it only feels like a very short time since his last excuse.

I)  “I just know he is the man for me and I refuse to cheat on him and our love because I know that if I do, I will live to regret it.”

Without knowing all your details, it is impossible for me to tell you exactly what to do. It’s easy to pull a Dr. Phil and solve your problem in 22 minutes, less commercials, but this is a serious matter, not a TV show. Just for me to call names, “He is a LIAR and you my dear, are a FOOL,” will not solve your situation.

I have combined two types of heartbreakers together, so let’s solve one at a time. As far as the guy who tells you he loves you on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and says I’m leaving on Friday, unfortunately you may never find out why he left. I’m sure you would love to know why for several reasons; curiosity, if there was someone else, or perhaps a habit or behavior or yours that he couldn’t deal with any longer. The most positive reason to know why, is because there may be something there that you can choose to change about yourself. I’m sure you would like to know what about you this guy hates, in order to see if it’s worthwhile trying to change because the next guy(s) might be bothered by the same thing. Here are some of the kinder reasons why he might say he had to leave;

a) “It’s not you, it’s me.” George Costanza in Seinfeld thought it up, or so he thought.

b) “I just need more space.”

c) “I just need to be on my own right now to better deal with my problems.”

d) “I’m just not ready now for a committed relationship.”

e) “You must have known that I haven’t been happy for a while.”

f) “I don’t deserve you.”

Those that say nothing and leave, if pressed, might say something nasty just to inflict pain or to get revenge for some unspoken incident. Be careful what you wish for;

a) “I’ve met someone else.”

b) “I’m not in love with you.”

c) “I never was in love with you, I tried, but it never happened.”

d) “You have too many annoying habits for me to deal with.”

The other guy is the one who can’t pull the trigger by getting his divorce finalized, (so to speak.) He wants to be with you, so he says, but he either can’t make the move to freedom, or he is just using you as a sex toy with no plan for permanence. You are enabling this guy by listening to, and accepting his bull. Don’t continue to be a victim. The choice is yours. Here is what I suggest you do and how you should feel about it;

a) Give him one last deadline. Tell him if he is not free and totally available to you by the deadline, it’s definitely over. Even if you’ve had “deadlines” before, swear that this time it’s for real.

b) After he disappoints you this final time, then break it off, (What a dirty mind. I know what you’re thinking. I mean break the relationship off). No communication between you. (not even to find out about a sick relative.) Zero contact. No “accidental” running into each other, (I know you know his schedule), no calls of any kind, no computer contacts of any kind, no intervening friends to finally bring him to his senses. Nada, zip, nothing. It’s over! You’ve been used and now YOU are in charge.

c) Get on with your life. You’re terrific. Go on dates, lots of dates. Join the top dating sites, get friends to fix you up with “nice” compatible guys. Even if there’s no immediate chemistry, at least you can accumulate a new group of male friends, who also have friends, they too also have other friends, etc.

d) You will survive. Living well is the best revenge.

The death of a close, intimate, loving relationship is painful, and will take some time to totally overcome.You must pull yourself back from the quicksand of the loving memories from the good times and objectively review all of your history together. His ongoing unkept promises, lies, occasional mysterious loss of contact, the volume of times you’ve forgiven him, and now be thankful you’ve made the decision to rescue yourself. No more a victim. Just love yourself and someone truly worthy will deeply love you sooner than you ever thought possible.

Please comment in the space below. I’d love to know what’s on your mind. Have you or any close friends suffered the heartbreak of an unsuspected break-up?

I love to write and LOVE to write for you.

Thanks,

Marty

Please visit my website at:  www.stophatingdating.com

or visit at: http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick  or  http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

or buy the e-book at

http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick