Are You Right For Each Other?

We all know what Love is. It’s that warm, fuzzy, erotic, feeling that you can’t be apart. You can’t get enough of each other. You think of being with your love all the time, every place or position conceivable.

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Now hold on there, you hotsy-totsy. It’s time to bring your brain into the mix. You must start that smart motor going, and bring experience, wisdom and intelligence into the future planning between you two. Lust can carry you for a while, but if you’re looking long term, you must;

Consider Critical Compatibility Components, (The Four C’s)

Before we even think about those areas where compatibility must be considered and discussed in depth, let’s first think about what situations can cause relationships to end.

Here are 5 of the top deal breakers for many couples;

 

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1)  Drinking- I’m not talking about having a drink with dinner or an occasional brew with a buddy, I’m talking about Alcoholism. Unless the alcoholic agrees to immediately get sober and bring in the professionals to permanently be cured, this party is over.

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2)  Smoking-Though not as dangerous from a social standpoint, it is a smelly, dangerous, and unhealthy bad habit. It calls for another cold turkey fix or else you, your car and your home will smell like nicotine practically overnight. If you want a relationship with a non-smoker, make them wean off and then stop the smoking, no excuses.

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3)  Religious Differences-From my standpoint, I don’t know how a person of faith can live with an atheist, and of course, vice-versa (religious sheep vs. heathen). It is self-explanatory. Even though it may not come up by mutual agreement, it will eventually rear it’s ugly head and very well could bring on a break-up.

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4)  Political Beliefs-If a full time Fox watcher is involved with a full time MSNBC viewer, it becomes a battlefield for opposing opinions. I don’t know if you have ever tried to reason with someone about their political views, in the hope of  “straightening them out” with what you believe to be the truth? Believe me, it doesn’t work and it never will between a couple on polar opposite sides of the political spectrum.

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5)  Baggage- Unless you have totally leveled with each other about what you are bringing into the relationship with you, future problems are sure to occur. Many people neglect to bring up; painful history, family members, ex-spouses, ex-partners, ex-legal problems (some still yet to be resolved), and other surprises, you are usually doomed for failure, because you “didn’t tell the WHOLE truth.”

Now lets Consider the OTHER Compatibility Components that need to thoroughly be discussed before you commit to be together “until death do us part.” or some other long term arrangement:

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1)  Age-Hefner has been doing it for half a century and many other older men love bumping into a hard body in exchange for access to their life-style and what great wealth can provide. I guess that leaves younger men for older women who can afford a boy-toy. The youngins both “understand” that they are trading off sexual favors for living large. Some guys look at an older woman as a “mommy” figure, and some young girls who grew up without a male in their young lives want to sit on their new daddy’s lap and cuddle. But often when it is a May-December romance, the couples have to learn to accept each others habits, likes/dislikes and be aware of any factors that could ruin their togetherness. The subjects of music, movies and night-life comes immediately to mind. Spend lots of time together first to identify non-compatible preferences and attempt to work them out.

2)  Education-Possibly could cause conflicts of interests especially if they require brain power and intellectual pursuits.

3)  Individual finances- I realize that nowadays, because of women’s equality, the finances work out using this following formula. “His money is theirs, and her money is hers.” If she has the big bucks and the better higher paying career, their financial situation must be resolved before making any type of permanent commitment.

4)  Respect-Aretha Franklin brought that great word into our common lexicon and it is very important how couples honestly respect each other when they are going ahead making plans for their future.

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5)  Psychology-They have to make an in-depth analysis of their future long term partners personality traits and what drives their demons, if any. When in doubt, discuss it at length and bring in professionals, if necessary.

6) Bad Habits-If they bother you, talk about them and try to work on changing them. I know this is a common sense solution, but sometimes common sense is not very common.

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7)  Intimacy-Thank goodness we don’t have to deal with arranged marriages or virgins like the olden days. Today, younger modern women are not waiting to be “fixed-up,” or waiting by the phone to be asked out on a date. Many of their single mothers and grandmothers are still doing it the old fashioned so called “respectful way.” Ladies you’re free and equal, so take the initiative and call a guy that appeals to you to have a drink, or meet for coffee, on you. In terms of intimacy, once  protected and safe from disease or pregnancy, let yourself go. Be involved, proactive and get creative in bed. No time to be shy and demure. Make believe you are making a porno movie, or better yet teach him the wonderful advantages of Tantric intimacy.  Most men don’t know how to make love and how to properly satisfy a woman. All they think about is slam, bam, thank you ma’am.” I got my big O and I’m outta here.” Devi Ward, a top Tantric Sex instructor who interviewed me a few weeks ago about my e-book, told me that a woman’s body is like a large pot being heated by a small flame and a mans body is a small pot heated by a large flame. Pretty soon the mans pot boils over and liquid spews everywhere, but the woman’s body is still warming up. It takes a woman much longer to be ready for sex than a man. Tantric sex teaches us that sex should last for hours. There is no beginning (sexual excitement), middle (penetration), or end (climax). It’s not all about the Orgasm, but about enriching the whole sexual experience, and exploring a new path to sexual fulfillment. Key features of Tantric Sex is the importance of breathing properly, and slowing down sexual behavior. Look up Devi Ward on the Internet or do research into the 1500 year old Indian practice of total fulfillment techniques from other instructors.

Now you have seen there’s much more than just lust involved in creating and enjoying a compatible relationship. Good luck in finding and KEEPING Your Soul-Mate. I would greatly appreciate your input. Just write a comment in the comment box or write me a private e-mail.  savconsulting@yahoo.com

Thanks ,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also reach me at:   www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or

http://www.facebook.com/101waystotophatingdating    or

http://www.Amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

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Are You Good In Bed? Wanna Bet? Wanna Get Better?

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I have to share a wonderful experience with you that I had last Thursday. I was interviewed on Internet Radio by Devi Ward, one of the Worlds most renown Tantric Sex teachers. But before I get ahead of myself, and you start asking mental questions while your curiosity is running wild, let me begin at the beginning.

I have met many business contacts on a site called LinkedIn. They categorize different business’s by name and function so I was, (and am able) to be in contact with “experts” in the “Dating” field.  I remember being intrigued by Devi’s profile so I contacted her November 23rd and we joined each others contact list. We exchanged notes back and forth over the last six months, and she recently asked me if I would like to be interviewed by her on her show.

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I was a little nervous that she would be ask me about Tantric Sex. All I knew was that it was Originated in India over 1500 years ago and Sting, (the singer) and his wife Trudy are famous for their use of it and discussing it publicly. I also knew that it lasts a long time and one should be in good shape or you’ll throw your back out. The final thing that I knew about Tantric sex is that most men either don’t care or don’t know how to satisfy a woman.

Many men I have interviewed about sex and relationships over the years worried about two things; “will she like me enough to want to go to bed, and will I be able to perform longer than my usual 30.” I asked “you can go for 30 minutes?”  “No they replied, almost in unison….. 30 seconds”. Good thing they didn’t ask me. Premature ejaculation is a curse many men suffer from particularly if they are; young, with someone new and very hot, or  she does something very wonderful and totally unexpected that makes his little head scream out with both joy and semen.

The following paragraph is a direct quote from Devi’s latest blog.

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“In Tantra, the approach to pleasure and arousal comes from the standpoint of understanding that women are like a large pot on a small flame. It takes women 20-45 minutes to heat up, but once hot, women stay that way for hours. Men on the other hand are like a small pot on a large flame. They tend to heat up fast but then boil over and all the juices (literally and figuratively) are gone. Tantra provides accessible methods for finding the balance between male and female sexual arousal, and skills for embracing mutual PLEASURE. The current attitude by most men towards sex is “getting in that pussy, so I can bust a nut.” It is fueled by male ejaculatory orgasm which usually happens quickly, explosively, and selfishly, meaning it doesn’t matter if she is ready or not, and most men have no training in how to control their ejaculation to last beyond 2-10 minutes.”

Devi also has written, “We live in the ‘cum culture’ which is perpetuated by Porn. Sadly, Porn is where most men and women are getting their sex education. If only sex  became a team sport, (like we’re all on the same team) and MUTUAL pleasure, fun, enjoyment, and connection was the goal. If we could only take the subject of sex OUT OF THE CLOSET, and put it upon the table so we could see it and discuss it openly, without giggling like 7th graders and calling it dirty.”

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So I did my homework. I read up on Tantric Sex in preparation for answering questions by Devi the sexpert. Basically the teachings are specifically designed for us to feel more and to increase our awareness of our own energy and the energy around us. The goal is NOT Orgasm, but slowing things down enjoying and FEELING the whole sexual experience. This doesn’t mean that Orgasm doesn’t exist in Tantric Sex, the goal becomes awareness and greater understanding of our self and our partner. It is taught by many different teachers around the world with different features, but the one common characteristic of Tantric Sex is the importance of deep breathing and slowing down sexual behavior compared to the hectic orgasm-focused North American approach.

I was happy to read about the time it requires to learn about the going slow approach and the touch and feel of Tantric Sex, mainly because I had accidently discovered it for myself years ago when I decided to slow down my Orgasm and concentrate on her and hers, (yes, that’s plural).

My interview with Devi went very well. She was the perfect interviewer. She made me relax by only asking me interesting, thoughtful questions about “101 Ways to Stop Hating Dating” and if I ever gain enough courage to try stand-up comedy, I want Devi in the first row. She has the greatest laugh.

I have a link for you if you haven’t heard the interview yet;  http://www.contacttalkradio.net/CTR/deviward050814.mp3     You also can find much more about her on her website;     http://www.betterloveandsex.com

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also find me at;  http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   and http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

Buy my e-book for less than a Starbucks latte at;  amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

I Want a Guy With a BIG……………..heart

O.K. ladies hold on to your socks, this is going to be an interesting read. You may be drained and all pooped out, but it will be a hell of a rough ride. To be perfectly frank, I have been too nice, too polite, too obsequious, (compliant or subservient), now it’s time to toughen up and be as rude and crude as some of my female blogger friends. Women have always wanted equality. Well, in terms of SEX and raunchy SEX talk, you’ve got it now, (not yet in equal pay for equal work, but we’re working on it).

As far back as I can remember, teeny bopper girls have always shrieked at male musicians, movie, or TV stars. I never could figure out what they were carrying on about; “He’s so cute, I’d love to kiss him, love to date him.” from Sinatra to Justin Beiber, girls have been non-committal about what they wanted to do with them. The boys are different, we looked at Playboy and loved the tits, ass, sexy red lipstick, or exposed tongues licking or sucking any phallic shaped object. The boys knew what they wanted. Today the girls are very descriptive, just like the boys. “I wonder how large his dick is? And how it would feel deep inside of me.” Female gossip in newspapers, magazines and websites, talk about the latest new guy in Hollywood who just joined the list of those that are hung like stallions.

Statistics show that today’s women watch porn as much as men, but prefer the ones with; better acting, more romantic plots, quality appropriate music, all looking and sounding like an authentic love story, and of course ending with the obligatory sucking and fucking scenes, but in a more sensitive, romantic way. For much of the younger set from 18 to 30, “Friends with Benefits” is close to the norm. Women want sex and they are out there looking for it. Many times, they are the aggressors, even in public places. Starting with finding what they want, then playing innocent kissy-face that turns into heavy necking, dry-humping while dancing to see if they can get the guy aroused. At that stage it’s easy to grab his dick and lead him to a private place; hers, his, or a friends pad for sport fucking. It could even be really romantic and not rushed especially if roommates aren’t home yet.

Today, both genders are avoiding marriage for a much longer time than ever before. Men are waiting to 29, women to 28. Lack of good jobs, too little income or just wanting to “sew more wild oats,” or a combination of these and many other factors has created a whole new younger generation.

Let’s move on to the couples in their 30’s and above that are into a committed relationship. Women are not necessarily in it forever, like their mothers, aunts, and grandmothers dreamed about. If the guy “changes” and turns out to be not what she expected in the bedroom, she is just as likely as he to initiate breaking up.

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Here are interesting statements that five different women recently told me what they are looking for to keep the relationship flame alive. These are not in any particular order. They just represent the primary emotional and /or physical needs these different women crave.

1) “My favorite four lettered word is NICE. I also need Brave and Smart.”

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She started by recalling that she clearly remembered watching the Wizard of Oz movie when she was 10, especially the scene when Dorothy met the 3 characters on the yellow brick road. She also recalled the major qualities she admired from The Straw man, the Tin man, and the Cowardly lion. As she was growing up, she always dreamed about having a man who was a combination of all three; A good brain, a guy who will protect her from all danger, plus having a big heart.  When I reminded her how difficult it could be to find a guy with all three traits, I asked her if she would be able to prioritize and narrow it down to just one quality. She thought for a while and finally said, ” If I was limited to have only one of those three special characteristic in a mate, I’d have to go with a genuinely nice guy with a Big Heart.

2) “I personally can’t stand cheap or frugal, so I need a generous guy.”

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It’s not about giving gifts of jewelry or other showy things that are important, it’s about being a giving, caring person that never forgets a birthday or anniversary. It’s about consideration of the other person, “What can I do for you, I’m going out, what can I get for you?” Generosity begets generosity. When one partner is giving, it encourages the other partner to want to give back. Loving reciprocity is the backbone of a solid relationship.

3) “I thrive on the Romance, I need to be Wooed.”

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“I’ve had several romantic relationships in my life and the best part, by far, is in the beginning, when you can’t say enough loving things to each other, and can’t wait to jump into bed. And just like clockwork the cockwork dwindles after about three months. A guy just loses his romantic impulses, settles in, and takes you for granted. Where did the passion go? Where did the kissing, touching, feeling, love talk, and those erotic naked showers we loved so much, disappear to? It was so incredibly MUTUAL back then, now I hesitate because I don’t like to go where I’m not invited, no matter what the history has been. Sorry Charlie, or whatever your name is, I need to be wooed. I need the love talk, your fingers on my body parts, the occasional card or flowers for no reason, except that you loved me”. So guys, the takeaway for you is ..don’t settle into a boring routine. She needs the attention and the love talk and the lovemaking even after you get engaged, but especially after you are married. Keep it, and her alive. You wooed her once and you won her, you better keep up the wooing, or you’ll lose her.

4) “I need Someone who cares about ME, even as I get Older.”

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A 42 year old woman told me she has been in long relationships with three different types of men; a high powered hard working glib Lawyer, an ultra-confident business executive who worked long hours, an-ex pro athlete who retired to a life suddenly without the fame, but managed to manage his money and charitable involvements very well. Each had his good points, but to be truly caring for your so-called Soul Mate is a rare commodity. They all had strong ego’s but did they all put themselves first? Who is she married to now? It really doesn’t matter and I can’t tell you because she didn’t tell me. But one of these guys loved her very much and cared to make her feel loved. She said they are still very happy because they both want to wake up next to the person they love, knowing that each wants the best for the other without expecting something in return.

5) “The Chemistry between US makes the Sparks Fly.”

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It’s really hard to define. What does the chemistry between us feel like, and what is the best way to define it. It’s the unexplainable, elusive SOMETHING. A chemical reaction that happens to both of you, and you just can’t get enough of each other. Every single kiss, every oral suck, or clitoral nibble, or deep penetrating stroke, feels so much better than the one that just preceded it. People say it feels like an electric current is attached to every extremity. You can’t wait for the next little shock and won’t think about stopping until you achieve an astounding, mutual, nuclear, body rattling, series of screaming orgasms. Now you must concentrate on catching your breath, and hopefully get back into a normal breathing pattern, before your lover starts thinking about calling 911 for the oxygen to save your life.The initial physical attraction can start as soon as your eyes make contact, or some grow into it as inhibitions are gradually reduced. It is important to know that there are non-visual cues that may be driving you. So when you feel the chemistry together don’t overthink it, just go with it, and keep a small oxygen canister nearby.

I have been reading and studying other Bloggers and many just let the profanity fly. This is my first attempt at stream of consciousness, off the cuff, winging it. Please tell me how you feel and what you are thinking. Should this style be encouraged or be altered?

I love to write and I LOVE to write for you.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

http://www.stophatingdating.com

You can also find me at:

http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick    and    http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating