Your Boyfriend’s Back…..Now What?

Labeling is terrible. In my humble opinion, to call a trend, an event, a happening, a misnomer, ( like the Dow IS the Stock Market, NO!, it’s just 30 stocks out of hundreds), a usual occurrence, or any other unnamed situation by a “cast in stone” name is laziness on the part of Journalists or unaware people.

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For example, when men have never married well into middle age, the common labels referring to them is “unemotionally unavailable, or having a “fear of commitment.” Here’s one of the rare areas where women get a break usually reserved for men. If a woman has never married or stayed single well into middle age, they are said to have a good list of excellent reasons not to get married. Here are just a few examples:

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1) They are still recovering from the awful effects of a long term break-up.

2)  Their busy lifestyle requires lots of travelling.

3)  They are simply focusing on their careers. It’s totally time consuming.

4)  Going through a well deserved “selfish phase.”

5)  Her standards have changed and she can’t find a “perfect man.”

6)  “I just don’t NEED a man.”

Now let’s be fair and give the guys a break. Do you think George Clooney finally “overcame” his “fear of commitment” and no longer feels “Emotionally Unavailable? Nope. I think the REAL answer is because of his lifestyle and high standards he FINALLY has met  “the one.”

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Recently sex and relationship expert and author Emily Dubberly said  to women “Life is too short to settle. Although you know you eventually want a relationship, there are times in your life when being single is a much better option.” So why wasn’t this also directed to men? In my personal opinion, I think the basic reason men hesitate about proposing is that he knows way down deep that he not ready, either financially or emotionally. And the other reason is the underrated truism, that he knows that he has not yet met “the one.”

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Now that I brought you up to date on the “modern” way to look at couples and marriage, lets go back to the title of this Blog. Heeee’s back and now what? You have to work with me here since we didn’t establish the history of your relationship with him and why it broke up. Did he leave? Did you boot him out? Now that he’s back, what does that mean to you? He’s been calling begging for a second chance or at least an opportunity to re-plead his case. Do you want to try again? If you know for sure that you still feel sorry about hurting him, think long and hard about how you may be hurting yourself if you take back a guy you were convinced, at that time, was totally wrong for you, (if not totally, then wrong enough.)  Maybe he left you and realized HE was wrong when he initiated the break up in a fit of overheated rage. Later when he cooled off, he realized that he really loves you. Did you think you loved him enough to work on getting back together? Do you want to get back with a hot head who can’t control his behavior, or are you a passion freak like in the books and movies? The description of how it happened and the details are yours, and so is the decision. So as the old Ella Fitzgerald “Too Close For Comfort” song lyrics (kinda) goes;” Be wise, be smart, behave my heart, don’t upset the cart, when it’s so close.”

Good Luck and make a wise choice.

I think many of your friends have or will face similar circumstances after a break-up. If you would be kind enough to send this blog to them via your e-mail list, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest or any other Social media you’re into, both they and I will appreciate your effort, and while you’re at it ask if they would do the same to their list of contacts.

Thanks,

Marty

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You can also find me on my webpage   stophatingdating.com  or

http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

 

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Do You Turn Your Man Off And Don’t Know HOW?

Well, you do….the end. No just kidding, this is a serious and complex problem, much research and insight is required. It also needs to be looked at from both the male AND female perspectives. Ladies, I know sometimes when you say or do something that is uncomfortable for him, or do not do what is expected, it could cause him to feel that you are inconsiderate or even worse, you just don’t care about the consequences of hurting his feelings. Unclench the fists, unfold the arms, smile, hug and talk it out.

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Although men puff up their chests and egos to show the World how tough and independent they are, many guys, like me, are very aware of the little things and are overly sensitive when feeling underappreciated.

Here are a Few Examples of Some Mistakes in Manners that may Turn Him Off:

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1)  Not Showing your Gratitude when he Pays.  It seems easy to remember as a habit or knee-jerk reaction to always say “Thank You”, when he buys you Dinner when on a date. Writing an e-mail note, or making a phone call to thank him later that evening, or the next day, is also acceptable and appreciated. But when he does many things for you, and you don’t show you appreciate what he has done, he just may start feeling foolish for doing what he has done for you, and start looking elsewhere for someone who shows she cares.

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2)  Trash Talking.  No guy wants to be berated, or corrected for previous behavior from your last life, especially in a public place with prying eyes all around. If you have the need to bash him for, say example a previous woman in his life; first try to talk yourself out of doing it, and if that doesn’t work, smack yourself upside your head for being so dumb making him feel angry and defensive. Why would anybody have such a compulsive need to start a fight and ruin a perfectly good evening, (and eventually, a good relationship?) An ex-girlfriend is the example I’m using here, but I’m sure there are regrets from other fights you started about other subjects. First, say to yourself…What good can come from this? Then follow up with; Don’t tug on Superman’s Cape, he just may fly away.

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3)  Answering Non-Emergency Cell Phone Calls. Chatting with your girlfriends while with him is very rude. He should be your focus and you can always chat with friends or family later. In fact, it’s a good idea to leave your ringer off. If you know you may get an emergency call, tell him in advance and just check if it is in fact an emergency call, if you get a call from that number, it happens.

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4)  Don’t Talk Down to Him. Nobody enjoys being talked down to. You may not be aware that when you are defending; your career vs. his, your political party, or different religions, he may feel you are talking down to him, as if his choices don’t matter. These three subjects are highly contentious and personal, with little or no room for compromise. When you battle about these and other sensitive subject assume the end may be near.

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5)  Knowing When to Take a Hint. Men usually have code signals with their buddies, so they know when it’s time to do, or not to do “the thing we talked about.” Their code words don’t always work so well with women. As we know, women have very little problems carrying on a conversation. In fact sometimes they don’t pick up on what he says, and has no idea what he may be hinting at. This could be a source of frustration to many men, (how come my pals know and she has no clue?)  When a woman likes a man, and I mean REALLY likes him, she manages to start sleeping over his place, takes over the planning of their social life “let’s not see them, let’s go with my friends instead”. Soon she is picking out his clothes, and many other uncalled for and often upsetting changes he didn’t plan on. He doesn’t want to fight with her, but she is getting under his skin and on his nerves, so much so, that he eventually erupts into a relationship bursting rage. So ladies, pay attention, keep reading him carefully, don’t make him do what he doesn’t really want to do, most likely it will backfire. If he keeps on checking his watch, and appears to be jumpy, those are clear signals that he is ready for alone time, and soon!

Please let me know in the comment section, if you are familiar with a similar story. Friends watched their relationship gradually deteriorate, mainly because she didn’t appreciate him enough, HAD to get her way all the time and kept trying to change him in ways he quietly objected to. He didn’t like the little battles and skirmishes, but it led to overwhelming anger and eventually WAR and the break-up.

Will you please do me a favor? Would you mind sharing this Blog with your friends on your lists and ask them to share with the people on their  lists. I’m sure you have friends on your e-mail list in addition to; Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and other Social Media outlets. They will appreciate you sharing with them trying to help them in their relationship experiences. “A word to the wise is what friends do for each other.”

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You also can reach me at:    http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

my Website is:  stophatingdating.com

and Amazon is:   www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

He Said “I Love You” Daily, Then He Left. Know Why?

 

I wasn’t there to observe both of you during your relationship, so I can’t positively say I know for sure why he left. But I have a pretty good Idea why.  Men suffer from a variety of maladies when it comes to making and keeping a commitment; some get cold feet, some met and test drove the latest “model,” others couldn’t stand the constant nagging, (I heard you just say not me, good for you, happy to hear you’re not a nagger), and some are guys that are just not cut out for permanency, because way down deep they are Emotionally Unavailable.

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Before we get into the why? and other questions, let’s take a look at the “good ones.” Scot  McKay of X & Y Communications, is a successful professional Dating Coach who has invited me to be interviewed on his Radio show this coming Tuesday June 3rd. I think he is super. Check him out on You Tube, where he discusses the following Four things a woman wants from a man;

1) Masculinity- A man who is not afraid to make decisions. Someone who is happy to get involved and discuss options with you. Not afraid to compromise. Someone who exudes confidence without super ego or bragging.

2) Ambition- A man who has a plan, strives and works hard towards a realistic goal.

3) Security- All women want a man that makes her feel safe. If there is a noise downstairs in the middle of the night you are sure he will take care of it.

4) She KNOWS he loves her and would never leave or cheat. TOTAL TRUST.

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Use the big 6 to figure it out;  Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Now getting back to why he left, there are six questions for you to answer:

WHO? may have influenced him to change his mind? A friend? a relative?

WHAT? specific event made him upset enough to change his attitude towards you, at least for a while, while he “cooled off.” Which means reviewing your relationship.

WHEN did it happen? Try to recall what event(s) led up to it and what specific communication (or lack thereof), happened right after.

WHERE did he go,? either with or without you, that a Significant Emotional Experience( S.E.E.) might have happened that could have turned him against you.

WHY did it happen? Could it have been the frequency and intensity of the intimacy between you. Did you have insightful thoughts at the time (you know, the ones without excuses or rationalization), that there is something missing in the bedroom? Did you discuss it with him? Did you pay attention to what he said? Did you try to be sexier or try new things to awaken his lagging libido? Be honest!

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HOW did it happen? Did he follow the script of those lying asses who tell you they “Love you” on Monday, “Crazy about you” on Tuesday, “Adore being with you” on Wednesday, “Can’t live with out you” on Thursday and Friday he says “I’m leaving, I can’t take it any longer, it’s over, I’m outta here, and poof, he’s gone.

It’s Time to be Honest and Figure it out.

After you review the situation you think up several reasons; I didn’t do anything wrong and I’m totally fault free (It’s the normal knee jerk first reaction to the blame game), or he was really schizophrenic all along and I guess I didn’t see it, or I did see it and rationalized it away, or I guess I do have some fault because I didn’t notice all his gradual changes, and finally, I should have known it was an impossible challenge from the beginning because no other women has made him stay in a committed relationship, he obviously is “Emotionally Unavailable.”

A Bachelors Life

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The well known so called “life long” bachelors like Derek Jeter of the N.Y. Yankees, Warren Beatty who didn’t wed until he was 55, Jack Nicholson, still dating now into his late 70’s and George Clooney, now 52 and recently engaged, have/had been single for so long that anything short of saying “I Do” showed a lack of commitment.  I think there comes a time when even the ones that claim that they will never marry (like Clooney), eventually find the Soul Mate they have been having tryouts for over decades, or are just getting older and tired of the dating rat race.

Bachelorettes Turn

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Famous women who have never walked down the aisle include; Oprah Winfrey, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn (although she has been in a committed relationship for over 30 years), legendary actress Katherine Hepburn, Winona Ryder, Condoleezza Rice and Cameron Diaz, just to name a few, have never been accused of being Emotionally Unavailable, nor do others say these woman have a fear of commitment, they gossip that they are either; bad closers, lesbians, bi-sexual or just don’t want or need an immature man-boy to help bring up to manhood with it’s time consuming inherent responsibilities. Today woman are focused on their careers, the joy of travelling alone or with friends, actively choosing to stay single. They are not like their Grandmothers and  Mothers who worked and worried full time at the business of landing a man. These young independent women feel life is too short too just settle. Many young women now feel as their standards are elevating, and after viewing the plague of immaturity and irresponsibility of men (boys) their age, today they are better off staying single. They know they will want a relationship eventually, but not right now. The average of age of newlywed women has moved up to 28 (the highest ever).

So, in summary, I’ve given you clues to look for, behavior to examine and especially to pay ever-so-close attention to intimate passion and intensity, sincerity and true, honest caring, communications to help you learn how to KEEP your Soul Mate.

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Thank you so much for reading my blog. I wonder if you will do me and your friends a favor. If you would be kind enough to share this Blog with your e-Mail friends, your Face book friends, Twitter followers and on other Social Media Networks you belong to. Your single friends, or ones who know singles, will certainly appreciate you for enabling them to learn how to KEEP their Soul Mates.

Thanks,

Marty

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You can also contact me at:   http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick    or

http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

or my website     www.stophatingdating.com

Are You Right For Each Other?

We all know what Love is. It’s that warm, fuzzy, erotic, feeling that you can’t be apart. You can’t get enough of each other. You think of being with your love all the time, every place or position conceivable.

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Now hold on there, you hotsy-totsy. It’s time to bring your brain into the mix. You must start that smart motor going, and bring experience, wisdom and intelligence into the future planning between you two. Lust can carry you for a while, but if you’re looking long term, you must;

Consider Critical Compatibility Components, (The Four C’s)

Before we even think about those areas where compatibility must be considered and discussed in depth, let’s first think about what situations can cause relationships to end.

Here are 5 of the top deal breakers for many couples;

 

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1)  Drinking- I’m not talking about having a drink with dinner or an occasional brew with a buddy, I’m talking about Alcoholism. Unless the alcoholic agrees to immediately get sober and bring in the professionals to permanently be cured, this party is over.

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2)  Smoking-Though not as dangerous from a social standpoint, it is a smelly, dangerous, and unhealthy bad habit. It calls for another cold turkey fix or else you, your car and your home will smell like nicotine practically overnight. If you want a relationship with a non-smoker, make them wean off and then stop the smoking, no excuses.

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3)  Religious Differences-From my standpoint, I don’t know how a person of faith can live with an atheist, and of course, vice-versa (religious sheep vs. heathen). It is self-explanatory. Even though it may not come up by mutual agreement, it will eventually rear it’s ugly head and very well could bring on a break-up.

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4)  Political Beliefs-If a full time Fox watcher is involved with a full time MSNBC viewer, it becomes a battlefield for opposing opinions. I don’t know if you have ever tried to reason with someone about their political views, in the hope of  “straightening them out” with what you believe to be the truth? Believe me, it doesn’t work and it never will between a couple on polar opposite sides of the political spectrum.

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5)  Baggage- Unless you have totally leveled with each other about what you are bringing into the relationship with you, future problems are sure to occur. Many people neglect to bring up; painful history, family members, ex-spouses, ex-partners, ex-legal problems (some still yet to be resolved), and other surprises, you are usually doomed for failure, because you “didn’t tell the WHOLE truth.”

Now lets Consider the OTHER Compatibility Components that need to thoroughly be discussed before you commit to be together “until death do us part.” or some other long term arrangement:

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1)  Age-Hefner has been doing it for half a century and many other older men love bumping into a hard body in exchange for access to their life-style and what great wealth can provide. I guess that leaves younger men for older women who can afford a boy-toy. The youngins both “understand” that they are trading off sexual favors for living large. Some guys look at an older woman as a “mommy” figure, and some young girls who grew up without a male in their young lives want to sit on their new daddy’s lap and cuddle. But often when it is a May-December romance, the couples have to learn to accept each others habits, likes/dislikes and be aware of any factors that could ruin their togetherness. The subjects of music, movies and night-life comes immediately to mind. Spend lots of time together first to identify non-compatible preferences and attempt to work them out.

2)  Education-Possibly could cause conflicts of interests especially if they require brain power and intellectual pursuits.

3)  Individual finances- I realize that nowadays, because of women’s equality, the finances work out using this following formula. “His money is theirs, and her money is hers.” If she has the big bucks and the better higher paying career, their financial situation must be resolved before making any type of permanent commitment.

4)  Respect-Aretha Franklin brought that great word into our common lexicon and it is very important how couples honestly respect each other when they are going ahead making plans for their future.

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5)  Psychology-They have to make an in-depth analysis of their future long term partners personality traits and what drives their demons, if any. When in doubt, discuss it at length and bring in professionals, if necessary.

6) Bad Habits-If they bother you, talk about them and try to work on changing them. I know this is a common sense solution, but sometimes common sense is not very common.

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7)  Intimacy-Thank goodness we don’t have to deal with arranged marriages or virgins like the olden days. Today, younger modern women are not waiting to be “fixed-up,” or waiting by the phone to be asked out on a date. Many of their single mothers and grandmothers are still doing it the old fashioned so called “respectful way.” Ladies you’re free and equal, so take the initiative and call a guy that appeals to you to have a drink, or meet for coffee, on you. In terms of intimacy, once  protected and safe from disease or pregnancy, let yourself go. Be involved, proactive and get creative in bed. No time to be shy and demure. Make believe you are making a porno movie, or better yet teach him the wonderful advantages of Tantric intimacy.  Most men don’t know how to make love and how to properly satisfy a woman. All they think about is slam, bam, thank you ma’am.” I got my big O and I’m outta here.” Devi Ward, a top Tantric Sex instructor who interviewed me a few weeks ago about my e-book, told me that a woman’s body is like a large pot being heated by a small flame and a mans body is a small pot heated by a large flame. Pretty soon the mans pot boils over and liquid spews everywhere, but the woman’s body is still warming up. It takes a woman much longer to be ready for sex than a man. Tantric sex teaches us that sex should last for hours. There is no beginning (sexual excitement), middle (penetration), or end (climax). It’s not all about the Orgasm, but about enriching the whole sexual experience, and exploring a new path to sexual fulfillment. Key features of Tantric Sex is the importance of breathing properly, and slowing down sexual behavior. Look up Devi Ward on the Internet or do research into the 1500 year old Indian practice of total fulfillment techniques from other instructors.

Now you have seen there’s much more than just lust involved in creating and enjoying a compatible relationship. Good luck in finding and KEEPING Your Soul-Mate. I would greatly appreciate your input. Just write a comment in the comment box or write me a private e-mail.  savconsulting@yahoo.com

Thanks ,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also reach me at:   www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or

http://www.facebook.com/101waystotophatingdating    or

http://www.Amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

Is it Worth Rescuing Your Relationship?

It could be as wide spread as turning around a first date that has lost it’s chance for a good first impression, all the way to a boring 50+ year long marriage, if you both care to rescue it, it can be done. O.K. now you can take a deep breath. Don’t you just hate those looong sentences? Sometimes I wish that I could write like one of my literary hero’s, Ernest Hemingway. I enjoyed his economical and unadorned style of writing. He wrote some of the greatest novels of all time; “The Sun Also Rises”, “For Whom the Bell Tolls”, “A Farewell to Arms” and a “special” favorite of mine which I read at 13, “The Old Man And The Sea”, (notice that even in his 6 word title, no word is longer than three letters.)

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“Fish, he said, I have love and respect you very much. But I will kill you dead before this day ends.” So pure, so simple, so direct, so different than others authors that bored me with their lengthy descriptions. James Michener once took three pages to describe a tree. Perhaps I’m exaggerating a tad, but you get the embellishment idea.

My apology Ernie, but today I have to be a little more detailed, verbose and effusive describing todays complicated subject matter. Try to visualize these 8 relationship problem areas while also thinking about how you would be going about fixing your own (if any apply).

The Top 8 In No Special Order

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1)  Who made up these Rules? I call them readily accepted truisms, but where is it written that these are the OFFICIAL RULES. a) When dating, women should expect to go to bed on the third date. Really? What if she’s not ready? I’m going to take a guess here…this RULE was made up by men. b) What about the 7 year itch? It seems to be common knowledge that one partner, (usually the man), will stray after six years of fidelity, (especially if it was with Marilyn Monroe). c) Here’s one I recently heard about called the “15 year immunity clause,” that means if you can make the marriage last 15 years, it will last until “death do us part.” It didn’t work for me, twice. I wonder what the facts really are.

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2)  Problems communicating. Guys usually don’t like small talk. They also don’t pour out their heart to a close buddy. Women are different. Most women I know can’t get their guy to talk about their problems, so they have a close trusted friend to pour her heart out to. I think it’s critical for the salvation of the relationship that she has to convince him to at least “start to talk about us.” That’s usually when you hear those oft said words from him, “I didn’t know you felt that way, how come you never told me,” DUH?

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3)  Intimacy awareness. He’s ready, she’s not. He’s angry at her unwillingness to do her “womanly duties” to make him happy. She can’t understand why he is such an “animal,” and can’t comprehend that she’s tired, not feeling well and not in the mood for another wham! bam! thank you mam! ZZZZzzzz.  It’s really so simple to work out. Just be honest and accept your partners excuses. If they are not interested in sex at that moment, maybe they will tomorrow, discuss it then. No emotion needed, just open, honest communication. Sounds easy right?

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4)  Compromise. That’s a key word in a relationship. When you’re single you do what you want to do, unless a friend talks you out of it. However when you are together and you determine that she wants her choice at a seemingly 90% level and you want yours at about 30% degree of desire, just read her correctly and be wise to give in. Maybe you’ll “win” the next time. You can try to keep score if you like, and if you feel she is getting her way a disproportionate percentage of the time, then discuss it civilly. I had that situation once. She was very frequently demonstrative and emotional about seeing her choice of movie NOW. I really didn’t care that much, so I always deferred, until I was anxious to see my movie, so we discussed it, and I won. She didn’t like the headlock I put her in then pinning her down with my knees on her arms and counting her out, it surprisingly made her a tad cranky. But sometimes you have to assert yourself. As my Pappy used to say “Don’t let them crap on your head, Open your mouth.” YUCK. Please don’t take that literally.

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5)  The truth will set you free. When I stopped lying my life totally changed. Since I was getting older and more forgetful, I was also forgetting my lies. I called them all little white lies so her feelings wouldn’t be hurt, but some lies were beyond little and white. If you pay attention to politics and the media, people who get caught lying are usually in much more trouble than those who admit it and get it over with.  Hiding the truth about ones inability to stop shopping continuously building up credit card debt will be a huge problem when it is revealed. Also concealing baggage (secrets) about; former family members, friends, older children, exes, business relationships, and legal problems could cause huge often unresolvable predicaments.

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6)  Shy or sly in bed can make you cry. Even if you’re not really in the mood, I suggest cuddling. The simple act of togetherness or just touching body parts can create a surprising sense of sexual intimacy. If you are a women, you know it takes a while to get interested (turned on), so initiate the closeness yourself, it just may turn into something delicious. As you realize, you must go very slowly at first. If he senses you’re horny and ready, he’ll pop a woodie and jump you well before you are ready. Try to slip him a Valium instead of his normal Viagra.

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7)  Nothing is perfect. Especially us as incredibly diverse human beings. If you make up a list of what you want/need in a mate, you may be disappointed that the list of physical attributes can’t overcome some disturbing emotional malfunctioning. So you really have to re-think your physical perfection list, and add important personality requirements that  should zoom up to the top of your list. Here are a few four letter words to add; Good, nice, kind, wise, talk, care, and the most important one…someone who can truly LOVE.

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8)  Keeping the romance alive. In the beginning it was amazing. Charisma at first sight, followed by Fireworks! Sparks! and Explosions!  They couldn’t keep their hand off each other, even in public. He wanted sex hourly. She had a big smile on her face but was tired, worn out, but she only felt complete and fulfilled when he was inside of her. Gradually old man time with his cohorts; boredom and routine took over. Now, even though she’ll never initiate anything sexual because of the fear of being rejected, she still misses the lovemaking. He seems bored, distracted and into beer, sports, porn and those challenging video games with his buddies. He has to start over to rekindle the romance. Start saying complimentary things, hug her whenever you see her, tell her how happy you are with her and start doing the physical things to rekindle the flame. The initial lust may be gone, but that doesn’t mean you must drop off to zero. He will find out that by improving his lovingly affectionate actions, the romance, love and sex will come back. When you love each other, keep working, (it’s really more pleasure than work) to keep the romance alive. It will pay off in incredible emotional and physical rewards. Just make dates to do fun or romantic things the way you did when you were active lovers.

I hope my words will stimulate you to stimulate your mate. Be kind, be thoughtful, be talkative and I know the love you once had, will have a greatly renewed chance to be revived.

I love to write and I LOVE to write for YOU.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also find me at http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick

or http://www.facebook.com/101WaystoStopHatingDating

or http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

 

Men Are Dogs: So What Else Is New?

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I have to be careful here. I’m not looking forward to see a mob of angry men, carrying torches outside my house because they feel I have become a turncoat. On the other hand, women are saying “Now here’s a guy that gets it.” The guys think I opened up Pandora’s Box by telling women how men are usually lying to them and what they really want from women.

DISCLAIMER:

I have to be careful generalizing about percentages. Very few things encompass all or none, it’s usually a number somewhere in the middle. So I will be careful saying, “Men say….”. You may feel it includes ALL men. Not so! Even by saying “Most men feel….” it’ll mean more than half feel that way. So if I slip up and either imply it is all or even most, just interpose the word ‘many’ when I say “Men feel or act a certain way,” then use the percentages that YOU can live with.

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John Gray wrote, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” in the mid 1990’s. It sold over 50 million copies and was ensconced on the Best Sellers List for 121 weeks. Gray researched and wrote brilliantly about the fundamental psychological differences between the genders. Men claim they offer quick solutions to problems. But women are not satisfied with the solutions, but would prefer to discuss them further. The genders also differ how they respond to stress and stressful situations.

Men often prefer to return to the comfort of their Man-Cave to refresh and review. Women, on the otherhand, want to continue to discuss “it” NOW.

Both genders have preconceived notions about finding a steady date. They also fantasize about their type.

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She says, “I want a tall, thin guy with a full head of hair that dances, is smart, funny and successful, and one who does not need my money.

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He says, “I want sexy, busty, thin, great ass who has her own money for the big things and will fulfill my sexual fantasies day and night.”

If she is lucky to find Mr. Right and he passes the “physical test”, then the personality testing begins. Is he usually kind vs. angry? Is he a talker or mute? Is he willing to do the activity I want to do? If I give in too soon in bed, will he leave me for a bigger challenge? Is he the marrying kind? Would he make a good dad?

He is usually thinking, “Does she like sports? How about playing video games and drinking beer with my buddies? Does she love sex as much as me? Does she have many activities with her friends in order to give me lots of free time with the boys?”

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And now for the real potential deal breaker. How is the sex? He thinks he is god’s gift to women and a great lover. She says, “Erection, ejection, then rejection. Where the hell did he go? Is that the sound of a game on TV in the den? The guy has no idea how to please a woman. He thinks “Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am” is how to make love. Either he doesn’t know or doesn’t care, or perhaps both.

Premature ejaculation, not being able to turn her on with foreplay (which includes starting with a good morning hug and kiss), are all things he has to be willing to work on if he can get over his embarrassment, and truly cares about improving.

Of course, there are other couples that are so into each other physically that together they explore all the various methods of improving intimacy by prolonging sexual excitement. Sting and his wife, Trudy, have extolled the joys of Tantric Sex for many years.

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Lucky me! On Thursday, May 8th at 10:00 p.m. EST, I will be interviewed by Devi Ward. Devi is a Tantric Sex Expert and a pioneer in the field of sexual healing and empowerment for women, as well as the Co-Founder of BetterLoveandSex.com – A revolutionary, new form of Erotic Education for Adults.

The link to the radio show is:

http://www.ctrnetwork.com/profile/BetterLoveandSex

I encourage you to call in with any questions that you may have for us. The call in number is: 877-230-3062

I hope that couples will listen in and learn how to improve their lovemaking. You will learn from one of only 2 people in North America qualified to teach the Secret Tibetan 5 Element Sexual Tantras.

I’m awaiting your feedback.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

My website is: http://www.stophatingdating.com

Or you can reach me at:  www.twitter.com/martysavarick  or http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

read a review of the book at: http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

Can Great SEX Overcome Annoying Habits?

Good friends are hard to find…and keep, (kinda like Soul Mates). So if this story seems quite familiar, and you remember their “real names,”  let’s just keep it between us. The second two names I just thought about using was Jack and Jill. I tried to scroll the list of all the names of couples I learned about growing up, and decided not to use Adam and Eve, my obvious first choice.

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Jack waited until he was in his mid-forties until he decided that since he loved Jill so much, he was ready to tie the knot. He was so proud to be with her, loved her looks, couldn’t keep his hands off her, the sex was great and she was very intelligent. What more could a guy wish for?

Soon after moving in together, cracks started to appear in their “perfect” relationship. He was a saver and she increased her spending dramatically claiming, “Now that there are two incomes, there is so much more to buy.” He was a neat freak and she was content to wait until “later” to clean up the mess she had made. They each talked about what bothered them, but in a cute loving way. “I love her/him so much it’s impossible to be 100% totally compatible, we’ll work out the little glitches,” they were fond of saying to their closest friends.

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Jill remembered very clearly that the “little” problems between them exploded the memorable night she got up and felt her way into the master bathroom attempting to tinkle in the dark. She had no idea he had forgotten to lower the toilet seat…..again. He, was blissfully dreaming when he was suddenly awoken mid-dream by the shrieking sound of Jill in distress. He jumped out of bed and ran toward the sound in the pitch dark bathroom and flicked on the light. Unfortunately for him, (but later on fortunately for his divorce attorney), Jack couldn’t stop laughing hysterically at the sight of Jill only with her head, arms and lower legs sticking out of the toilet bowl, involuntarily splashing her shivering private parts in the cold water.

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That was the event that they both referred to as “the unceremoniously opening of Pandoras Box.” All those previous cute little difference’s were now being blown out of proportion being described in x-rated profanity The name calling had started and they were at each others throats trying to remember why “I even fell in love with this asshole in the first place.”

I had dinner with him a couple of months after the finalization of their divorce, and Jack was hesitant even thinking about starting to date ever again. “It seemed so perfect in the beginning now it’s over. How do I protect myself from it ever happening again?” We both agreed to do some research and try to find the solution.

I told Jack that I had read an article about Dr. John Gottman, director of Seattle University’s “Love Lab” and founder of the Gottman Institute, that have studied thousands of couples for decades. He claims that there are “Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse.” He claims these four traits are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism includes attacking your partners personality, “why are you always so late?” Contempt is constantly putting your partner down, “you’re stupid for believing that.” Defensiveness is rebuffing your partners complaint with one of your own, (kind of like tit for tat). Stonewalling means clamming up and refusing to discuss anything at all.

If the intent is to mutually resolve the difficulty between you, then you can look for a highly recommended relationship counselor nearby your home and take classes together for resolving your particular issues. You’ll learn that stopping the hurtful accusatory words will go a long way in resolving your problems.

So Who Will Make it as a Couple?

It really boils down to good communication.Two-thirds of couples claim that their spouse often made them feel good about themselves, whereas only about one quarter of unhappy couples could claim the same thing. The rule to remember: Even if you assume your partner already knows how you feel, that he/she is smart/funny/sexy, or that you’re very grateful for the “things” they do, it’s still vey important to reiterate your appreciation for each other often.

What’s the Main Cause for Divorce?

Most people think it’s the highly dramatic ones like adultery or domestic violence but they are wrong. The main reason is a “soft” one, “We just grew apart.”

Advice on How to Make it Work

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Don’t assume that since you don’t fight constantly or get into jealous spats that all is O.K. You both need to think about improving the soft side of your relationship, In particular, doing things together. Learning to play a sport and taking bridge lessons together, taking that cooking class, or even taking Ukulele lessons together, will add additional sparks. The reason is that your togetherness creates dopamine, a chemical in our bodies that is released into your blood stream. It also was released when you first fell in love. Staying in love is not that hard; keep up the mutual respect and do fun stuff together.

It takes a concerted effort to avoid ennui (boredom). Think about all the things you always wanted to do, or try, or see, or listen to, or visit, and plan on sharing them together.

I love to hear from you. Take a few minutes and write a couple of sentences in the comments section about your love story.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Visit my Website at:  www.stophatingdating.com

or visit me at  www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

buy the e-book from  http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick