Are You Right For Each Other?

We all know what Love is. It’s that warm, fuzzy, erotic, feeling that you can’t be apart. You can’t get enough of each other. You think of being with your love all the time, every place or position conceivable.

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Now hold on there, you hotsy-totsy. It’s time to bring your brain into the mix. You must start that smart motor going, and bring experience, wisdom and intelligence into the future planning between you two. Lust can carry you for a while, but if you’re looking long term, you must;

Consider Critical Compatibility Components, (The Four C’s)

Before we even think about those areas where compatibility must be considered and discussed in depth, let’s first think about what situations can cause relationships to end.

Here are 5 of the top deal breakers for many couples;

 

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1)  Drinking- I’m not talking about having a drink with dinner or an occasional brew with a buddy, I’m talking about Alcoholism. Unless the alcoholic agrees to immediately get sober and bring in the professionals to permanently be cured, this party is over.

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2)  Smoking-Though not as dangerous from a social standpoint, it is a smelly, dangerous, and unhealthy bad habit. It calls for another cold turkey fix or else you, your car and your home will smell like nicotine practically overnight. If you want a relationship with a non-smoker, make them wean off and then stop the smoking, no excuses.

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3)  Religious Differences-From my standpoint, I don’t know how a person of faith can live with an atheist, and of course, vice-versa (religious sheep vs. heathen). It is self-explanatory. Even though it may not come up by mutual agreement, it will eventually rear it’s ugly head and very well could bring on a break-up.

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4)  Political Beliefs-If a full time Fox watcher is involved with a full time MSNBC viewer, it becomes a battlefield for opposing opinions. I don’t know if you have ever tried to reason with someone about their political views, in the hope of  “straightening them out” with what you believe to be the truth? Believe me, it doesn’t work and it never will between a couple on polar opposite sides of the political spectrum.

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5)  Baggage- Unless you have totally leveled with each other about what you are bringing into the relationship with you, future problems are sure to occur. Many people neglect to bring up; painful history, family members, ex-spouses, ex-partners, ex-legal problems (some still yet to be resolved), and other surprises, you are usually doomed for failure, because you “didn’t tell the WHOLE truth.”

Now lets Consider the OTHER Compatibility Components that need to thoroughly be discussed before you commit to be together “until death do us part.” or some other long term arrangement:

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1)  Age-Hefner has been doing it for half a century and many other older men love bumping into a hard body in exchange for access to their life-style and what great wealth can provide. I guess that leaves younger men for older women who can afford a boy-toy. The youngins both “understand” that they are trading off sexual favors for living large. Some guys look at an older woman as a “mommy” figure, and some young girls who grew up without a male in their young lives want to sit on their new daddy’s lap and cuddle. But often when it is a May-December romance, the couples have to learn to accept each others habits, likes/dislikes and be aware of any factors that could ruin their togetherness. The subjects of music, movies and night-life comes immediately to mind. Spend lots of time together first to identify non-compatible preferences and attempt to work them out.

2)  Education-Possibly could cause conflicts of interests especially if they require brain power and intellectual pursuits.

3)  Individual finances- I realize that nowadays, because of women’s equality, the finances work out using this following formula. “His money is theirs, and her money is hers.” If she has the big bucks and the better higher paying career, their financial situation must be resolved before making any type of permanent commitment.

4)  Respect-Aretha Franklin brought that great word into our common lexicon and it is very important how couples honestly respect each other when they are going ahead making plans for their future.

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5)  Psychology-They have to make an in-depth analysis of their future long term partners personality traits and what drives their demons, if any. When in doubt, discuss it at length and bring in professionals, if necessary.

6) Bad Habits-If they bother you, talk about them and try to work on changing them. I know this is a common sense solution, but sometimes common sense is not very common.

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7)  Intimacy-Thank goodness we don’t have to deal with arranged marriages or virgins like the olden days. Today, younger modern women are not waiting to be “fixed-up,” or waiting by the phone to be asked out on a date. Many of their single mothers and grandmothers are still doing it the old fashioned so called “respectful way.” Ladies you’re free and equal, so take the initiative and call a guy that appeals to you to have a drink, or meet for coffee, on you. In terms of intimacy, once  protected and safe from disease or pregnancy, let yourself go. Be involved, proactive and get creative in bed. No time to be shy and demure. Make believe you are making a porno movie, or better yet teach him the wonderful advantages of Tantric intimacy.  Most men don’t know how to make love and how to properly satisfy a woman. All they think about is slam, bam, thank you ma’am.” I got my big O and I’m outta here.” Devi Ward, a top Tantric Sex instructor who interviewed me a few weeks ago about my e-book, told me that a woman’s body is like a large pot being heated by a small flame and a mans body is a small pot heated by a large flame. Pretty soon the mans pot boils over and liquid spews everywhere, but the woman’s body is still warming up. It takes a woman much longer to be ready for sex than a man. Tantric sex teaches us that sex should last for hours. There is no beginning (sexual excitement), middle (penetration), or end (climax). It’s not all about the Orgasm, but about enriching the whole sexual experience, and exploring a new path to sexual fulfillment. Key features of Tantric Sex is the importance of breathing properly, and slowing down sexual behavior. Look up Devi Ward on the Internet or do research into the 1500 year old Indian practice of total fulfillment techniques from other instructors.

Now you have seen there’s much more than just lust involved in creating and enjoying a compatible relationship. Good luck in finding and KEEPING Your Soul-Mate. I would greatly appreciate your input. Just write a comment in the comment box or write me a private e-mail.  savconsulting@yahoo.com

Thanks ,

Marty

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You can also reach me at:   www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or

http://www.facebook.com/101waystotophatingdating    or

http://www.Amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Reasons to Dump Him Now!

What is your time worth? How many days, months and years have you, or someone close to you, wasted with a loser than never changed. No matter what a fabulous nurturer and fixer you are, you couldn’t get him to transform himself enough to make him your forever guy. Learning how to quickly pull the plug can save you and your family tons of anxiety and anguish. If you are in a new relationship and your guy displays any of the twelve behaviors I outline here you should save yourself future frustration and dump him quickly. It’s also a good skill to teach your daughters, but calmly and wisely or else you may hear the dreaded words, “MOM, don’t tell me what to do, he’ll change, so don’t interfere in my life.” Unfortunately after mouthing those words, they often go into protection mode, (I’ll show her she was wrong about my guy). Mama Bear, tread lightly.

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I listed these behaviors in increasing levels of significance. By that I mean, if I listed that he was a serial cheater at #1, you might say, Marty don’t bother going on, cheating is so repulsive in my eyes, that all the others negatives will pale by comparison.

The TOP 12 Reasons to Dump Him Now

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1) Something is missing and you can’t figure out what it is. You trust your feminine instincts and even though he seems just fine; he is handsome, charming, smart, funny, a good lover, seems to be financially comfortable, ambitious, creative, but you can’t put your finger on what that elusive is is. You have more conversations with yourself than ever before; “What’s wrong with me? He seems just fine, maybe I’m just nervous, maybe I’m afraid of getting hurt..again? I just don’t know.” But after lots of retrospection you realize that he doesn’t seem to fit in with your friends, family or your lifestyle. You often think of a friend of yours that married a guy who increasingly only wanted to do what he wanted to do, so she went along with his preferences just to please him. He disliked her friends and family and so she foolishly allowed her former life to change drastically simply to satisfy him, and now she’s very sad. For you it’s a tough call but, rather than going along just to get along, listen to your inner voice and pull the plug. Doubt has its way of rearing it’s ugly head and often never leaves.

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2) He loves to have fun. Sometimes his idea of fun reeks of immaturity. Wearing his baseball cap backwards, sitting on the couch with his buddies playing video games in his 30’s or 40’s is a sure sign of never growing up. Does he have the grown-up moments of maturity, to show he does have the lucid intervals of emotional and financial responsibility to be grown up when needs to be? The choice is yours, is he a man-boy or just a boy-boy who will never grow up.

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3) Is he a chronic complainer? Can you live your life with a guy whose glass is always half empty? Is his usual M.O. Oh, woe is me? Constant negativity is an ongoing strain, unless you have a similar personality and commiserate with each other, misery loving company. This is one of the dozen factors where a good talking to, can create a better outlook on life and stimulate positive change.

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4) Look Out for the Mama’s Boy. It’s very nice if he loves and respects his mother, but make sure you know where his loyalty resides. Relationships are difficult enough just between the two of you, but if he brings Mom in to join the threesome, run for the exit.

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5) He Doesn’t try Hard Enough. In other words, he lacks ambition. It’s up to you. If you are content the way things are, and feel everything is good enough, then fine. But if you have ambition and want to achieve your goals, this guy is not for you.

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6) He uses the Word Bitch When Referring to Women. Aaron Paul gained lots of fame, not only for his great acting co-starring in the classic, highly rated TV series, Breaking Bad, but for using the word Bitch when he referred to things and other men. When a guy uses it in his daily language he is a male chauvinist. Perhaps, if he has other good qualities, a good talking to may get him to stop using the “B” word. Good luck with that. I think insensitive guys who have used it for a long while, may have a hard time changing their demeaning attitude towards women.

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7) Being a Selfish Braggart. I welcome the challenge of trying to make a braggart realize that his me, me, me, repetitious droning on makes him into an interminable bore. I for one don’t give a flying f*ck who they think they are, or what they have, or what they have done. Very often they don’t get it. They need to brag, just like they need to breathe. It’s a part of them. Showing off makes them feel whole. If you have a guy like that in your life, I’d bet there is another part to it. He probably doesn’t care about you. When you tell him of a personal health problem, he will rarely if ever follow it up with a caring “How are you feeling now, Honey.” It’s all about him and his fragile ego. I don’t think a conversation will rescue you from his egomaniacal ranting.

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8) I’m Done Honey, Was it Good For You Too? Just in time for him to get his 3 minute egg off the stove or was it only a 30 second egg. While you lay there, horny and completely frustrated, you wonder why you didn’t realize why you got so involved with a guy who has no interest, knowledge or ability to please you sexually. I think Mr. Egghead needs a good talking to. He has to learn ejaculation control, how to make love to a woman and other subjects that are important to you, for you two survive as a sexually active couple.

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9) Aretha said it right R E S P E C T, Baby you Gotta have it. Him respecting you is one thing, but if you don’t respect him, no talking can make it better. If you don’t feel he can protect you in a crisis, or be there for you emotionally, then the other areas don’t really matter as much. If you don’t like or respect his level of intelligence, or enjoy his sense of humor, it should make you wonder why you are with this loser in the first place. With so many areas where there is lack of respect for him, you would be better off alone.

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10) Addiction issues are a very serious matter. If he has a history of serious addiction you have a problem to always be concerned about, but if  they are unresolved addiction areas; drugs, alcohol and gambling, you gotta hit the road.

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11) Honesty is the ONLY policy. “Little White Lies,” abound. We all tell them but to varying degrees. Big lies are the reason for lack of trust going forward in a shaky relationship. “Once a liar, always a liar.” Small lies are often being kind or sensitive. I won’t be going out with you again because…….is cruel and unnecessary. Choose your little lies carefully but beware of a serial liar to get involved with.

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12) He is a Cheater. Don’t fall for it Mrs. Clinton. Like people often say, it is what it is. Well come to think of it, EVERYTHING is what it is, and cheaters are what they are. Once a cheater..etc. Imagine what life would be like if you didn’t trust him? If he was late for or from anything, playing cards with the “guys” (who happen to be 36-24-36), a “business meeting” and so on and so forth, until you follow him yourself or hire a detective. Life is way to short to feel like that or live like that, unless you also have political aspirations. Fidelity schmidelity, cut your losses.

I’m anxious to hear if you or any friends have had a guy who behaved liked any of the daily, dozen, deadly, losers. Tell me all about it. Change the names to protect the innocent and victimized and let’s open it for discussion

I just love to write, and really LOVE to write for YOU.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

To access my website go to:  stophatingdating.com

You can also reach me @  http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating   or http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

Ever Wonder WHY We Fall Out Of Love?

You met, you looked deep into each others eyes, all your glands and organs kicked in, and you knew you just met the guy you always dreamed about. I have an urge to write “and they lived happily every after,” because between you and me, I need to take care of those little nagging things that always seem to pile up. I have to get my pills refilled, need to restock “survival food” in the fridge, return lots of phone calls, tweets, e-mails, texts, blog follower comments and lots of other little things. BUT….I wrote the headline, I know what I want to say about WHY we fall out of love, and I haven’t written a blog in a few days, hopefully keeping my blog readers still following me. So thanks a lot for the session on the couch Doc, and here we go.

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We all have experienced that amazing feeling of finding a new “love.” But reality, in the form of a little, grinning, red-horned Devil that has LOTS of experience, knows that it probably won’t last. He is grinning because that little bastard knows he will enjoy watching us feel upset, confused, and eventually, depressed. Even if you decide to make it work and hang in there, there is no guarantee of ever-lasting love. It fades. So I wondered, do people really fall OUT of love? If so, what can we do to make love stay? Here are three pretty strong reasons for causing love to end.

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1) Clamming Up About Feelings. We know that men are generally responsible for this problem. Ladies public rest rooms usually have a sofa, so when the women leave together you know  “freshening up” is not the real reason for the conference that is about to occur. Your friend is visibly upset about HIM clamming up. She needs a good friend, (or often an understanding stranger will do), to discuss her problem with him. Many men have little or no ability to discuss communication problems within the relationship. Most women want to discuss the situation as well, to see what can be done to develop an open and honest connection with each other. Most men, being the strong silent types, have no interest in discussing feelings, emotions or anything that could save her sanity. He’ll just use the blame game, “You’re acting like a broad or little girl” and “It is what it is.” Dumb comment because EVERYTHING is what it is. So if they can’t arrange to get together to talk it out, they gradually will fall out of love. Remember, open minds make for lasting love, closed minds, silence and the blame game causes the relationship to end.

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2) Sometimes For No Discernible Reason We Tend To Push A New Love Away. Why? That’s a good question. It happens when a somewhat negative person feels the glass is half empty and panics. She may be pushing a caring and available guy away by diminishing his worth. A self-imposed panic sets in when she realizes that because this guy has the ability to get inside her head and heart, if he breaks up with her, it will be emotionally devastating. It’s kind of a projected self-defense mechanism that converts into apprehension, then to fear. I know you recognize that real love is all consuming and involves trust and a leap of faith, which can be scary. My suggestion to you is, if you feel the hesitation; clam down, go slowly, and give love a chance to grow, eventually your fears will diminish.

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3) Love Fades. No matter how incredibly passionate the love affair is, and no matter how much love you feel including all the erotic, romantic, loving things you tell each other, sooner or later it will fade, it has to. You can’t possibly keep up the newness, excitement or intensity. People evolve, relationships become routine and perhaps the level of excitement is greatly diminished. Then what?  Is it over? Are you out of love? The secret is not to neglect the person you care about. Holding hands, a surprise kiss on the lips or the neck can bring sparks, surely not enough to start a fire, but enough to remind them you care, and are in it for the long haul. Both of you are responsible for making the love last. You just have to decide to give that partner what he or she needs most.

Practically speaking, love doesn’t have to last decades or even a lifetime to actually matter. Romantic relationships can gradually evolve into friendships, it doesn’t have to end; it’s just redefined.

I am looking forward to reading your comments about your (or a friends, wink, wink) relationship and how it impacted your life.

I love to write and I LOVE to write for you.

Thanks ,

Marty

HDCoverframed

http://www.stophatingdating.com  is my website, or you can also reach me:

http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick        http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

Soul Mate, Where are You?

How many times in your life have you thought you’ve met your soul mate? It’s someone you can’t keep your eyes and hands off. You finish each other sentences. They are the co-star of your dreams, erotic and otherwise. You lucky son-of-a -gun, you have found the proverbial needle in a haystack. Wait!!! I hear knocking at the front door, it’s our old friend reality. As you may know, reality is the cousin of familiarity, and he often breeds contempt. Soon you will be on the lookout for your NEXT soul mate. The more old-fashioned we are, the more we think there is only one soul mate allotted for each of us. Some are actually fortunate enough to meet, fall in love with, and live happily ever after with the wished for love of their life.

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As the song goes..Someone’s knocking at my door, somebody’s ringing the bell, again? Well it’s Mr. Reality for a return visit. He tells me that many people can find a soul mate within a one-mile radius from their home. If you live out in West Texas, change that to 100 mile radius, and if you live in Manhattan, you just may find yours, (maybe even more than one), in your own high-rise apartment building.

So you are fortunate to find (the current) love of your life. How do you make it work this time? Last time we got on each other nerves, so I won’t allow that to happen again. Really? And how are you going to accomplish that? I’m going to figure it out. That’s how. O.K., to start, there must be MUTUAL RESPECT for the important factors such as; intelligence, work ethic, morality, kindness to strangers and animals, self-control, tolerance, sense of humor and the rest of the boy-scout/girl-scout pledges. Secondly, there must be a tolerance and forgiveness for their opposing views regarding issues as significant as religion and politics. Finally, there must be a conscious mutual decision to work on the relationship requiring ongoing dialogue, compromise and never, never going to sleep angry. That old mutual respect induces you to revel in their good traits (where you agree on stuff) and minimize the annoying ones (where you disagree.)

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So many moons later, when the bloom is off the rose and the lust leaves, then true love and comfortable compatible togetherness becomes the bond that binds you together.

I would love to read your comments about Soul Mates in the comments space below.

I just love to write and love to write for YOU.

Thanks,

Marty

You can also follow me on:

www.twitter.com/martysavarick  and  www.facebook.com/martin.savarick