You met, you looked deep into each others eyes, all your glands and organs kicked in, and you knew you just met the guy you always dreamed about. I have an urge to write “and they lived happily every after,” because between you and me, I need to take care of those little nagging things that always seem to pile up. I have to get my pills refilled, need to restock “survival food” in the fridge, return lots of phone calls, tweets, e-mails, texts, blog follower comments and lots of other little things. BUT….I wrote the headline, I know what I want to say about WHY we fall out of love, and I haven’t written a blog in a few days, hopefully keeping my blog readers still following me. So thanks a lot for the session on the couch Doc, and here we go.
We all have experienced that amazing feeling of finding a new “love.” But reality, in the form of a little, grinning, red-horned Devil that has LOTS of experience, knows that it probably won’t last. He is grinning because that little bastard knows he will enjoy watching us feel upset, confused, and eventually, depressed. Even if you decide to make it work and hang in there, there is no guarantee of ever-lasting love. It fades. So I wondered, do people really fall OUT of love? If so, what can we do to make love stay? Here are three pretty strong reasons for causing love to end.
1) Clamming Up About Feelings. We know that men are generally responsible for this problem. Ladies public rest rooms usually have a sofa, so when the women leave together you know “freshening up” is not the real reason for the conference that is about to occur. Your friend is visibly upset about HIM clamming up. She needs a good friend, (or often an understanding stranger will do), to discuss her problem with him. Many men have little or no ability to discuss communication problems within the relationship. Most women want to discuss the situation as well, to see what can be done to develop an open and honest connection with each other. Most men, being the strong silent types, have no interest in discussing feelings, emotions or anything that could save her sanity. He’ll just use the blame game, “You’re acting like a broad or little girl” and “It is what it is.” Dumb comment because EVERYTHING is what it is. So if they can’t arrange to get together to talk it out, they gradually will fall out of love. Remember, open minds make for lasting love, closed minds, silence and the blame game causes the relationship to end.
2) Sometimes For No Discernible Reason We Tend To Push A New Love Away. Why? That’s a good question. It happens when a somewhat negative person feels the glass is half empty and panics. She may be pushing a caring and available guy away by diminishing his worth. A self-imposed panic sets in when she realizes that because this guy has the ability to get inside her head and heart, if he breaks up with her, it will be emotionally devastating. It’s kind of a projected self-defense mechanism that converts into apprehension, then to fear. I know you recognize that real love is all consuming and involves trust and a leap of faith, which can be scary. My suggestion to you is, if you feel the hesitation; clam down, go slowly, and give love a chance to grow, eventually your fears will diminish.
3) Love Fades. No matter how incredibly passionate the love affair is, and no matter how much love you feel including all the erotic, romantic, loving things you tell each other, sooner or later it will fade, it has to. You can’t possibly keep up the newness, excitement or intensity. People evolve, relationships become routine and perhaps the level of excitement is greatly diminished. Then what? Is it over? Are you out of love? The secret is not to neglect the person you care about. Holding hands, a surprise kiss on the lips or the neck can bring sparks, surely not enough to start a fire, but enough to remind them you care, and are in it for the long haul. Both of you are responsible for making the love last. You just have to decide to give that partner what he or she needs most.
Practically speaking, love doesn’t have to last decades or even a lifetime to actually matter. Romantic relationships can gradually evolve into friendships, it doesn’t have to end; it’s just redefined.
I am looking forward to reading your comments about your (or a friends, wink, wink) relationship and how it impacted your life.
I love to write and I LOVE to write for you.
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