What is your time worth? How many days, months and years have you, or someone close to you, wasted with a loser than never changed. No matter what a fabulous nurturer and fixer you are, you couldn’t get him to transform himself enough to make him your forever guy. Learning how to quickly pull the plug can save you and your family tons of anxiety and anguish. If you are in a new relationship and your guy displays any of the twelve behaviors I outline here you should save yourself future frustration and dump him quickly. It’s also a good skill to teach your daughters, but calmly and wisely or else you may hear the dreaded words, “MOM, don’t tell me what to do, he’ll change, so don’t interfere in my life.” Unfortunately after mouthing those words, they often go into protection mode, (I’ll show her she was wrong about my guy). Mama Bear, tread lightly.
I listed these behaviors in increasing levels of significance. By that I mean, if I listed that he was a serial cheater at #1, you might say, Marty don’t bother going on, cheating is so repulsive in my eyes, that all the others negatives will pale by comparison.
The TOP 12 Reasons to Dump Him Now
1) Something is missing and you can’t figure out what it is. You trust your feminine instincts and even though he seems just fine; he is handsome, charming, smart, funny, a good lover, seems to be financially comfortable, ambitious, creative, but you can’t put your finger on what that elusive is is. You have more conversations with yourself than ever before; “What’s wrong with me? He seems just fine, maybe I’m just nervous, maybe I’m afraid of getting hurt..again? I just don’t know.” But after lots of retrospection you realize that he doesn’t seem to fit in with your friends, family or your lifestyle. You often think of a friend of yours that married a guy who increasingly only wanted to do what he wanted to do, so she went along with his preferences just to please him. He disliked her friends and family and so she foolishly allowed her former life to change drastically simply to satisfy him, and now she’s very sad. For you it’s a tough call but, rather than going along just to get along, listen to your inner voice and pull the plug. Doubt has its way of rearing it’s ugly head and often never leaves.
2) He loves to have fun. Sometimes his idea of fun reeks of immaturity. Wearing his baseball cap backwards, sitting on the couch with his buddies playing video games in his 30’s or 40’s is a sure sign of never growing up. Does he have the grown-up moments of maturity, to show he does have the lucid intervals of emotional and financial responsibility to be grown up when needs to be? The choice is yours, is he a man-boy or just a boy-boy who will never grow up.
3) Is he a chronic complainer? Can you live your life with a guy whose glass is always half empty? Is his usual M.O. Oh, woe is me? Constant negativity is an ongoing strain, unless you have a similar personality and commiserate with each other, misery loving company. This is one of the dozen factors where a good talking to, can create a better outlook on life and stimulate positive change.
4) Look Out for the Mama’s Boy. It’s very nice if he loves and respects his mother, but make sure you know where his loyalty resides. Relationships are difficult enough just between the two of you, but if he brings Mom in to join the threesome, run for the exit.
5) He Doesn’t try Hard Enough. In other words, he lacks ambition. It’s up to you. If you are content the way things are, and feel everything is good enough, then fine. But if you have ambition and want to achieve your goals, this guy is not for you.
6) He uses the Word Bitch When Referring to Women. Aaron Paul gained lots of fame, not only for his great acting co-starring in the classic, highly rated TV series, Breaking Bad, but for using the word Bitch when he referred to things and other men. When a guy uses it in his daily language he is a male chauvinist. Perhaps, if he has other good qualities, a good talking to may get him to stop using the “B” word. Good luck with that. I think insensitive guys who have used it for a long while, may have a hard time changing their demeaning attitude towards women.
7) Being a Selfish Braggart. I welcome the challenge of trying to make a braggart realize that his me, me, me, repetitious droning on makes him into an interminable bore. I for one don’t give a flying f*ck who they think they are, or what they have, or what they have done. Very often they don’t get it. They need to brag, just like they need to breathe. It’s a part of them. Showing off makes them feel whole. If you have a guy like that in your life, I’d bet there is another part to it. He probably doesn’t care about you. When you tell him of a personal health problem, he will rarely if ever follow it up with a caring “How are you feeling now, Honey.” It’s all about him and his fragile ego. I don’t think a conversation will rescue you from his egomaniacal ranting.
8) I’m Done Honey, Was it Good For You Too? Just in time for him to get his 3 minute egg off the stove or was it only a 30 second egg. While you lay there, horny and completely frustrated, you wonder why you didn’t realize why you got so involved with a guy who has no interest, knowledge or ability to please you sexually. I think Mr. Egghead needs a good talking to. He has to learn ejaculation control, how to make love to a woman and other subjects that are important to you, for you two survive as a sexually active couple.
9) Aretha said it right R E S P E C T, Baby you Gotta have it. Him respecting you is one thing, but if you don’t respect him, no talking can make it better. If you don’t feel he can protect you in a crisis, or be there for you emotionally, then the other areas don’t really matter as much. If you don’t like or respect his level of intelligence, or enjoy his sense of humor, it should make you wonder why you are with this loser in the first place. With so many areas where there is lack of respect for him, you would be better off alone.
10) Addiction issues are a very serious matter. If he has a history of serious addiction you have a problem to always be concerned about, but if they are unresolved addiction areas; drugs, alcohol and gambling, you gotta hit the road.
11) Honesty is the ONLY policy. “Little White Lies,” abound. We all tell them but to varying degrees. Big lies are the reason for lack of trust going forward in a shaky relationship. “Once a liar, always a liar.” Small lies are often being kind or sensitive. I won’t be going out with you again because…….is cruel and unnecessary. Choose your little lies carefully but beware of a serial liar to get involved with.
12) He is a Cheater. Don’t fall for it Mrs. Clinton. Like people often say, it is what it is. Well come to think of it, EVERYTHING is what it is, and cheaters are what they are. Once a cheater..etc. Imagine what life would be like if you didn’t trust him? If he was late for or from anything, playing cards with the “guys” (who happen to be 36-24-36), a “business meeting” and so on and so forth, until you follow him yourself or hire a detective. Life is way to short to feel like that or live like that, unless you also have political aspirations. Fidelity schmidelity, cut your losses.
I’m anxious to hear if you or any friends have had a guy who behaved liked any of the daily, dozen, deadly, losers. Tell me all about it. Change the names to protect the innocent and victimized and let’s open it for discussion
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