LOVE is in the air. Spring is here. Trees are blooming, birds are singing and we don’t have a care. Oh happy day, say the Hallmark people. So what happens to shock you back to reality? Evil Marty “suggest’ that your guy, the one you love, the same guy you fantasize about spending the rest of your life with, just may be thinking about dumping you.
What? Break up with ME? We are a couple, and so much in love. But, along with the reality of Spring comes the IRS and tax time. It’s now time for a somber, sober personal relationship audit. Remove your head from the clouds, take a stroll away from your delusional white picket fence, and take a D E E P breath of reality. Those occasional “little” subtle things may be part of a larger problem when you put them all together, and study all the signs.
The good news, as if being dumped is anything akin to good news, is that if you discover certain things that may be driving a wedge into your future maybe you need to plan an opportunity for open communication. Look for the right time to talk it out and hopefully realize that what’s bothering him can be worked out beneficially for both of you. I truly believe that poor communication is the bane of mankind, and if you are smart and alert enough to realize it early on, you can stop the downward spiral of your relationship. Here are 5 of the signs you should be aware of:
1) Usually, after the early passion cools off a bit, he becomes more relaxed. By that I mean, many men don’t pay as much attention to you and go back to their old habits. He watches his games on TV while swigging a beer, neglecting you while he invites his buddies over for a hectic session of video games. It seems that only a few short months ago it was all about you, and now the boys, (and I do mean boys), are at your place wearing their baseball caps backwards, dropping popcorn and chips on and in the carpet. Suddenly you find yourself as a visitor to his old pre-you world. You can handle this situation. It is not sneaky, it’s right there in front of you and you can and should discuss it. Use your wily, feminine, sexy ways to suck him back into a more affectionate, romantic togetherness, just like the one you shared before. The problem will arise if he suddenly decides to go on a crash diet, work out with a trainer, get into longer distance running, all to make his body more appealing, usually to impress other women. It’s healthier for him, but it could signal that he is interested in looking for a new plaything. Keep your eyes and vibes on full alert.
2) Read his “Tells.” Although I could call it body language, I prefer calling them tells. If you have ever watched a championship Poker tournament on TV, you’d notice that the players are usually wearing dark glasses and a baseball cap. It keeps opponents from looking into their eyes or how they may nervously touch their head. We’ve heard that the eyes are the window to the soul and lots of tics are subconscious touches to the top of the head. You can do it also with your guy. I’ll give you a few standard psychological indicators, but you have to pay attention to them and what else you may perceive in order to detect lying or misdirection. Two lame signs of affection are tells that things are changing. If he half-hugs you (instead of full body or around both shoulders), or he pats you on the back during a hug it is an indication that he is distancing himself from you and your togetherness. Also, if you catch him looking up and to the left while he is showering you with “love talk” odds are he is not being truthful. Not looking in your eyes and looking to the “creative” side of the brain, where new thoughts are developed, will enable you to see his lie and he doesn’t know he is doing it and getting caught. Pay close attention, if you know he is telling a fib, look at all he is doing at the time; Is he looking away? Does his voice change? Is he rolling his ring around his finger with his thumb? Are there any other changes during a regular habit or routine? If so, you’ll know the secret to his level of honesty.
3) Suddenly you are a committee. What happened to alone time? He has asked or invited without asking you, a few or few dozen friends along when you should be alone on a date. He could be telling you you’re boring and he needs others along to provide more interest or fun. If it’s early in your relationship he may be saying I’d rather be in a group than on a date with you but didn’t have the guts to discuss it. Another painful indicator is if he flirts with any of the other women from the group while he is supposedly on this date with you. As I mentioned before, it’s time to talk it out. Maybe he just wants to show you off to a group of his friends, but it’s a weird way to do it especially if he really does care for you, and he doesn’t tell you the reason WHY he wants the group togetherness.
4) He used to call several times a day, now he doesn’t answer many of your calls. Hmmmm. What’s going on here? From almost a pest to the invisible man. Now he doesn’t answer your e-mail until the next day, when he used to text you back in 10 seconds? HMMMM. Has he cancelled any dates recently because he is busy at work? Has he made excuses to not talk about what you preface as important issues to discuss? When you are with him does he have mysterious calls and says wrong number or you catch him whispering sneakily into a cupped phone? Have you recently walked in on him and he slams his laptop down so you don’t see the screen or hear the audio? I know, you would be long gone out of his life well before most of these things happened. But I’m taking artistic license and driving home a point. If you are being worn down by a hundred little taps to your noggin, it’s time to force the sit-down before the big roundhouse right levels you and the relationship.
5) He has become a cranky pain-in-the-ass. He rolls his eyes, is overly critical about you or what you hold dear, snaps to a negative judgment before hearing the facts, and seems to always be looking for a fight. It may already have gone too far to reclaim. You rationalized most of his behavior; a) Because you love him, b) Most couples have occasional problems, c) Maybe he’s having his period, and maybe it’s a mid-life crisis or finally, d) You are delusional. Many men cannot face the conversation required to work things out. They feel it will be confrontational and so rather than have to talk they revert into a stubborn, pouting 3 year old who folds his arms and acts out. Good luck with your meeting. Hope it works out for you, you deserve better and the next guy will be nice. Just remember, love is supposed to be enjoyable. O.K. ladies it’s time to open up and tell me about your previous relationship with a petulant man-child from your past, and how the heart-to-heart discussion worked out. Folks, I love to write and just LOVE to write for YOU.
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