He Said “I Love You” Daily, Then He Left. Know Why?

 

I wasn’t there to observe both of you during your relationship, so I can’t positively say I know for sure why he left. But I have a pretty good Idea why.  Men suffer from a variety of maladies when it comes to making and keeping a commitment; some get cold feet, some met and test drove the latest “model,” others couldn’t stand the constant nagging, (I heard you just say not me, good for you, happy to hear you’re not a nagger), and some are guys that are just not cut out for permanency, because way down deep they are Emotionally Unavailable.

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Before we get into the why? and other questions, let’s take a look at the “good ones.” Scot  McKay of X & Y Communications, is a successful professional Dating Coach who has invited me to be interviewed on his Radio show this coming Tuesday June 3rd. I think he is super. Check him out on You Tube, where he discusses the following Four things a woman wants from a man;

1) Masculinity- A man who is not afraid to make decisions. Someone who is happy to get involved and discuss options with you. Not afraid to compromise. Someone who exudes confidence without super ego or bragging.

2) Ambition- A man who has a plan, strives and works hard towards a realistic goal.

3) Security- All women want a man that makes her feel safe. If there is a noise downstairs in the middle of the night you are sure he will take care of it.

4) She KNOWS he loves her and would never leave or cheat. TOTAL TRUST.

INTERROGATIVE

Use the big 6 to figure it out;  Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Now getting back to why he left, there are six questions for you to answer:

WHO? may have influenced him to change his mind? A friend? a relative?

WHAT? specific event made him upset enough to change his attitude towards you, at least for a while, while he “cooled off.” Which means reviewing your relationship.

WHEN did it happen? Try to recall what event(s) led up to it and what specific communication (or lack thereof), happened right after.

WHERE did he go,? either with or without you, that a Significant Emotional Experience( S.E.E.) might have happened that could have turned him against you.

WHY did it happen? Could it have been the frequency and intensity of the intimacy between you. Did you have insightful thoughts at the time (you know, the ones without excuses or rationalization), that there is something missing in the bedroom? Did you discuss it with him? Did you pay attention to what he said? Did you try to be sexier or try new things to awaken his lagging libido? Be honest!

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HOW did it happen? Did he follow the script of those lying asses who tell you they “Love you” on Monday, “Crazy about you” on Tuesday, “Adore being with you” on Wednesday, “Can’t live with out you” on Thursday and Friday he says “I’m leaving, I can’t take it any longer, it’s over, I’m outta here, and poof, he’s gone.

It’s Time to be Honest and Figure it out.

After you review the situation you think up several reasons; I didn’t do anything wrong and I’m totally fault free (It’s the normal knee jerk first reaction to the blame game), or he was really schizophrenic all along and I guess I didn’t see it, or I did see it and rationalized it away, or I guess I do have some fault because I didn’t notice all his gradual changes, and finally, I should have known it was an impossible challenge from the beginning because no other women has made him stay in a committed relationship, he obviously is “Emotionally Unavailable.”

A Bachelors Life

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The well known so called “life long” bachelors like Derek Jeter of the N.Y. Yankees, Warren Beatty who didn’t wed until he was 55, Jack Nicholson, still dating now into his late 70’s and George Clooney, now 52 and recently engaged, have/had been single for so long that anything short of saying “I Do” showed a lack of commitment.  I think there comes a time when even the ones that claim that they will never marry (like Clooney), eventually find the Soul Mate they have been having tryouts for over decades, or are just getting older and tired of the dating rat race.

Bachelorettes Turn

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Famous women who have never walked down the aisle include; Oprah Winfrey, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn (although she has been in a committed relationship for over 30 years), legendary actress Katherine Hepburn, Winona Ryder, Condoleezza Rice and Cameron Diaz, just to name a few, have never been accused of being Emotionally Unavailable, nor do others say these woman have a fear of commitment, they gossip that they are either; bad closers, lesbians, bi-sexual or just don’t want or need an immature man-boy to help bring up to manhood with it’s time consuming inherent responsibilities. Today woman are focused on their careers, the joy of travelling alone or with friends, actively choosing to stay single. They are not like their Grandmothers and  Mothers who worked and worried full time at the business of landing a man. These young independent women feel life is too short too just settle. Many young women now feel as their standards are elevating, and after viewing the plague of immaturity and irresponsibility of men (boys) their age, today they are better off staying single. They know they will want a relationship eventually, but not right now. The average of age of newlywed women has moved up to 28 (the highest ever).

So, in summary, I’ve given you clues to look for, behavior to examine and especially to pay ever-so-close attention to intimate passion and intensity, sincerity and true, honest caring, communications to help you learn how to KEEP your Soul Mate.

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Thank you so much for reading my blog. I wonder if you will do me and your friends a favor. If you would be kind enough to share this Blog with your e-Mail friends, your Face book friends, Twitter followers and on other Social Media Networks you belong to. Your single friends, or ones who know singles, will certainly appreciate you for enabling them to learn how to KEEP their Soul Mates.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also contact me at:   http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick    or

http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

or my website     www.stophatingdating.com

How to Discover Your Future Soul Mate

Generally speaking, there are two types of men in terms of maturity; those that are wearing their baseball caps on backwards, sitting on the sofa with their buddies playing video games well into their 20’s and 30’s, the other type are the “good guys,” the ones that realize that life is not one long extended Fraternity party, and it’s time to grow up.

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The immature types think that life is a giant blur of beer, betting, hangin’ with the boys and sex with as many girls as possible. The good news is, that the vast majority of American men are not like those immature “bums.” The facts prove that 90 % of men have been married by the age of 40.

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Men vary in levels of maturity and although some are ready for fidelity in their 20’s, many are still looking for the Sophia Vergara look-a-like well into their 40’s or 50’s. Coinciding with his orgasm, a simultaneous giant hook comes down from above and removes him from her bed, his romantic feelings for her, and her life, all in one fell swoop. She is devastated, and he is now looking for the latest Kate Upton facsimile.

For the grown-ups ready to become a family man, if you asked why he married and what he admires most about his wife he would probable reply; her values, her intelligence, her sense of humor, her potential as a great mother and simply that she makes him feel good about himself and is loved very much.

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There are some anxious women who feel they have found the right guy but they “scare” them away by being too fast too soon with uncomfortable questions; “Where do you see us in 5 years, and how many kids do you want to have together?” As Rita Rudner, the great comedienne once observed, if you were in the room and heard the girlfriend ask him these “what if?” questions, when you looked down you could still see his skid marks.

Biologically speaking, men usually tend to want more sexual partners than woman, who prefer thinking about marriage and family as a goal. So men have a natural hesitancy about monogamy, at least at the onset of a potential relationship. Ladies, use your better judgment not to ask him those types of questions until well into a serious relationship.

There is a very thin line between “having a man run after her until she catches him,” versus acting too aloof whereby he loses confidence and starts to look elsewhere to be more appreciated.

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Some women have always been man magnets and always hung out with the guys. Guys were drawn to them and the reason is that guys felt little or no stress with them around, just as if the girls were a couple of other male friends. So when a women asks me what the guy magnet secret is and how can she get to be surrounded by men, the answer is quite obvious. Just go where the boys are; Go to sporting events, watch the games on large screen TV’s in a sports bar full of male fans, learn to shoot pool, checkout the basketball courts in your local park, try rollerblading for great exercise, join a gym and ask cute guys for some pointers, create a girls night out where you and your girl friends go to a good steak joint to mix it up with the boys night out crowd. I can’t guarantee you’ll find your Soul Mate quickly, but you’ll have a lot of fun trying to find “him.”

Get out there, mix with the right people in the right groups and you’ll add to your odd of finding and keeping your Soul Mate. Tell me your story and send some additional comments about this and other blogs of mine.

I love to write and LOVE to write for you.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Come visit my Webpage at:  stophatingdating.com

You can also find me at:  http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick and

http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

 

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Reasons to Dump Him Now!

What is your time worth? How many days, months and years have you, or someone close to you, wasted with a loser than never changed. No matter what a fabulous nurturer and fixer you are, you couldn’t get him to transform himself enough to make him your forever guy. Learning how to quickly pull the plug can save you and your family tons of anxiety and anguish. If you are in a new relationship and your guy displays any of the twelve behaviors I outline here you should save yourself future frustration and dump him quickly. It’s also a good skill to teach your daughters, but calmly and wisely or else you may hear the dreaded words, “MOM, don’t tell me what to do, he’ll change, so don’t interfere in my life.” Unfortunately after mouthing those words, they often go into protection mode, (I’ll show her she was wrong about my guy). Mama Bear, tread lightly.

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I listed these behaviors in increasing levels of significance. By that I mean, if I listed that he was a serial cheater at #1, you might say, Marty don’t bother going on, cheating is so repulsive in my eyes, that all the others negatives will pale by comparison.

The TOP 12 Reasons to Dump Him Now

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1) Something is missing and you can’t figure out what it is. You trust your feminine instincts and even though he seems just fine; he is handsome, charming, smart, funny, a good lover, seems to be financially comfortable, ambitious, creative, but you can’t put your finger on what that elusive is is. You have more conversations with yourself than ever before; “What’s wrong with me? He seems just fine, maybe I’m just nervous, maybe I’m afraid of getting hurt..again? I just don’t know.” But after lots of retrospection you realize that he doesn’t seem to fit in with your friends, family or your lifestyle. You often think of a friend of yours that married a guy who increasingly only wanted to do what he wanted to do, so she went along with his preferences just to please him. He disliked her friends and family and so she foolishly allowed her former life to change drastically simply to satisfy him, and now she’s very sad. For you it’s a tough call but, rather than going along just to get along, listen to your inner voice and pull the plug. Doubt has its way of rearing it’s ugly head and often never leaves.

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2) He loves to have fun. Sometimes his idea of fun reeks of immaturity. Wearing his baseball cap backwards, sitting on the couch with his buddies playing video games in his 30’s or 40’s is a sure sign of never growing up. Does he have the grown-up moments of maturity, to show he does have the lucid intervals of emotional and financial responsibility to be grown up when needs to be? The choice is yours, is he a man-boy or just a boy-boy who will never grow up.

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3) Is he a chronic complainer? Can you live your life with a guy whose glass is always half empty? Is his usual M.O. Oh, woe is me? Constant negativity is an ongoing strain, unless you have a similar personality and commiserate with each other, misery loving company. This is one of the dozen factors where a good talking to, can create a better outlook on life and stimulate positive change.

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4) Look Out for the Mama’s Boy. It’s very nice if he loves and respects his mother, but make sure you know where his loyalty resides. Relationships are difficult enough just between the two of you, but if he brings Mom in to join the threesome, run for the exit.

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5) He Doesn’t try Hard Enough. In other words, he lacks ambition. It’s up to you. If you are content the way things are, and feel everything is good enough, then fine. But if you have ambition and want to achieve your goals, this guy is not for you.

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6) He uses the Word Bitch When Referring to Women. Aaron Paul gained lots of fame, not only for his great acting co-starring in the classic, highly rated TV series, Breaking Bad, but for using the word Bitch when he referred to things and other men. When a guy uses it in his daily language he is a male chauvinist. Perhaps, if he has other good qualities, a good talking to may get him to stop using the “B” word. Good luck with that. I think insensitive guys who have used it for a long while, may have a hard time changing their demeaning attitude towards women.

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7) Being a Selfish Braggart. I welcome the challenge of trying to make a braggart realize that his me, me, me, repetitious droning on makes him into an interminable bore. I for one don’t give a flying f*ck who they think they are, or what they have, or what they have done. Very often they don’t get it. They need to brag, just like they need to breathe. It’s a part of them. Showing off makes them feel whole. If you have a guy like that in your life, I’d bet there is another part to it. He probably doesn’t care about you. When you tell him of a personal health problem, he will rarely if ever follow it up with a caring “How are you feeling now, Honey.” It’s all about him and his fragile ego. I don’t think a conversation will rescue you from his egomaniacal ranting.

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8) I’m Done Honey, Was it Good For You Too? Just in time for him to get his 3 minute egg off the stove or was it only a 30 second egg. While you lay there, horny and completely frustrated, you wonder why you didn’t realize why you got so involved with a guy who has no interest, knowledge or ability to please you sexually. I think Mr. Egghead needs a good talking to. He has to learn ejaculation control, how to make love to a woman and other subjects that are important to you, for you two survive as a sexually active couple.

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9) Aretha said it right R E S P E C T, Baby you Gotta have it. Him respecting you is one thing, but if you don’t respect him, no talking can make it better. If you don’t feel he can protect you in a crisis, or be there for you emotionally, then the other areas don’t really matter as much. If you don’t like or respect his level of intelligence, or enjoy his sense of humor, it should make you wonder why you are with this loser in the first place. With so many areas where there is lack of respect for him, you would be better off alone.

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10) Addiction issues are a very serious matter. If he has a history of serious addiction you have a problem to always be concerned about, but if  they are unresolved addiction areas; drugs, alcohol and gambling, you gotta hit the road.

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11) Honesty is the ONLY policy. “Little White Lies,” abound. We all tell them but to varying degrees. Big lies are the reason for lack of trust going forward in a shaky relationship. “Once a liar, always a liar.” Small lies are often being kind or sensitive. I won’t be going out with you again because…….is cruel and unnecessary. Choose your little lies carefully but beware of a serial liar to get involved with.

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12) He is a Cheater. Don’t fall for it Mrs. Clinton. Like people often say, it is what it is. Well come to think of it, EVERYTHING is what it is, and cheaters are what they are. Once a cheater..etc. Imagine what life would be like if you didn’t trust him? If he was late for or from anything, playing cards with the “guys” (who happen to be 36-24-36), a “business meeting” and so on and so forth, until you follow him yourself or hire a detective. Life is way to short to feel like that or live like that, unless you also have political aspirations. Fidelity schmidelity, cut your losses.

I’m anxious to hear if you or any friends have had a guy who behaved liked any of the daily, dozen, deadly, losers. Tell me all about it. Change the names to protect the innocent and victimized and let’s open it for discussion

I just love to write, and really LOVE to write for YOU.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

To access my website go to:  stophatingdating.com

You can also reach me @  http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating   or http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

Top 5 Things Guys Want in a Girlfriend

Mensa, the international organization that caters to the top 1% of intelligent people, claims it’s a high I.Q. that guys crave, Forbes says it’s a nice, round, firm curvy nest egg, Playboy, well we have the pictures for proof, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, the two Jimmy’s; Kimmel and Fallon, and of course Dave Lettermen all claim THEY need a partner with a good sense of humor and to be able to say up late, Dr. Phil says it goes deeper, much deeper, Lance Armstrong probably would want someone who will go for a bike ride, a looooog, fast, drug aided, bike ride, and finally sex maniacs are probably in need of a partner with similar energy and drive. Just the way there are different groups with their specific preferences, there are also many different types of men who have dissimilar parameters. To further complicate the issue, if you asked men to make a list of the top things a woman MUST possess, plus the things a woman SHOULD have, and finally the things that would be NICE to have, you might need lots of paper. Now we arrive at the list of deal-breakers. I don’t want to overly complicate this issue by suggesting you put a numerical amount next to each of the listed plusses and minuses, it would be overkill. So how you decide if she is for you? How about narrowing your search down to the top 5 things that mean the most to you. Here’s what my research has revealed about the most common top traits:

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1) To most men, way down deep it’s looks, looks, and stunning  looks. In spite of many men telling women that looks are nice, but it’s really not necessary, it’s a fib. When a man looks at a very attractive woman and the voice way down deep inside says in a Barry White baritone voice, “OMG,” the chase has officially begun. After he gets to know her better and some negative personality traits appear, he may either lose interest, or continue to pursue her if the other things are easy to accept. But if the looks are not there initially, she may never have the chance for him find out what the whole person is really like. Women are less superficial and more grounded. When it comes to  physical attractiveness it’s rarely #1, a guys ability to offer support and stability moves him to the top of most woman’s lists.

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2) A “Cold Fish” is usually a deal breaker. Many men are touchy feely, a hug, a kiss, an ass grab are all needed to keep the lust alive. Yes many men are crude, they just want to jump into bed, and Wham, Bam, thank you Ma’am. He just comes and goes. If she has the guts to tell him to slow down because she needs more sensuality and patience and says,” WE have a sex problem, he replies, “Waddya mean We? People change, if she loses the tactile sensual feelings he loved at the start of their “romance,” he just may opt to look elsewhere.

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3) She has to be calm, honest, and patient. Some men love drama queens. I guess they feel that it makes the passion greater than in a conventional relationship. But count me out! I could never be involved with an out of control person who yells, screams and throws things at the drop of a hat.  Say for example, she walks in on you and your young, beautiful mistress. She starts bellowing like a banshee throwing everything at you that’s not nailed down. Is that anyway to behave? Surely not. She should sit down in bed next to you and introduce herself to your young lady friend. Then calmly ask a couple of friendly questions like, “How old are you bitch?”, “Where do you go to high school?” and “Try to guess whether I am going to kill him or both of you.” See what I mean? Calm, in control,  no raising of her voice, and doesn’t fret over the small things. I need a woman who is a good communicator, who doesn’t make me guess as if I were a mind reader.

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4) I want to be loved for me not what I can provide financially. This could be a tough one. If you are blessed with having assets that enable you to enjoy a very comfortable life, you may always have that nagging feeling that she is looking at you as a Sugar Daddy, not the love of her life that she frequently calls you. Very often, the rich older guys with the much younger arm candy, are so happy with the relationship, that they don’t have to delude themselves into believing that she really does love him. But the comfortable one who wants her to love Him, want Him, need Him, may never truly know the depth of her love. She just may be a hell of an actress.  Many rich men are looking for an authentic relationship, yet can’t rest because they’re always on the search for proof that she doesn’t care as much as she claims.

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5) She has to get “it” in order to get me. A true sense of humor is critical for me to have closure for my relationship to thrive and survive. During my dozen single years, while searching dating sites, it seemed like everyone claimed to have a “great” sense of humor. There were some obvious clues in the way it was stated on their profile that made me realize it’s was not accurate. “I’m humorous, I like jokes, I enjoy laughing,” are pretty much dead giveaways. No comedian ever called themselves humorous. I also feel that you can’t truly be funny unless you are also intelligent. Those two factors are at the top of my list. Saturday evening, Sheila and I celebrated our second year together. I can honestly say that I have laughed more these last two years than ever in my lifetime. Lucky me, she has all five factors that make me so incredibly happy.

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Tell me about your list and process for determining what is necessary for you to be happy. Love to hear from you.

I love to write, and I LOVE to write for YOU!

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Please visit my website at www.stophatingdating

You can also contact me at:

www.twitter.com/martysavarick   and   www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

Are You The Type Of Woman That Men Go For?

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Ahhhh! Those awful preconceived notions of the “perfect” woman, or should I say the Playboy image of the perfect woman. Big breasted, small waisted, long-legged, and unfortunately not candidates for Jeopardy, fits the mold of what has been tantalizingly tempting men since the 1950’s. Women have fought back hard and gained respect being different from the so called norm.

So how have women changed?  The good news is that there are no so called “norms” any longer. I’m going to concentrate only on 5 different types or groups of women. All very different; one group has to do with smarts, another is attitude, these gals are never boring, a third is slightly older but often much wiser, the fourth is the one who has learned what men like and how to manage (control?) them by using her feminine wiles and finally, the group that surprisingly seems to be the best “closers” and get the pick of the litter.  Now that I’ve piqued your curiosity, let’s meet these ladies.

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1)   The Brainy Babe. I think smart is sexy, in fact, very sexy. The three things I looked for in a woman during my decade of dating, were tied for first place at the top of my list; Smart, Funny and Nice. Nice happens to be my favorite four letter word. I learned it from my son when he was 15. He was “going steady” with a neighbor’s daughter, and my ex-wife and I both thought it would be better for the “kids” to be just friends, not dating. Being exclusive, at that age, seemed to be rushing the romance way too quickly. So I spoke with him and asked what he liked most about her. He said it was a four letter word. My mind did flip-flops wondering what four letter word he was going to shock me with, but of course I’ve already told you, he said she was the “nicest person” he has ever known. “In fact, we can talk about everything and I think she would kill to protect me. But if you’re concerned, we have set limits on our intimacy, and have had this same conversation with her parents, so don’t worry.” I fell in love with the word NICE. It is especially appropriate today, with so many inconsiderate people all around us. I’m stimulated by smart people. I know many men who are intimidated by intelligent women. I don’t know whether they have a fragile ego or an insecurity problem, but for me, intelligence is what’s necessary to be able to really fall in love. Of course, funny is funny. It’s just a strong need of mine to have a partner with a great sense of humor. Laughing together is fabulous.

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2)   The Spontaneous, Creative, Free Spirit. With her it’s never boring. She loves different. She takes you along, marching to a different drummer, hers. You’ll see sunrises and sunsets, you didn’t even know such beauty in nature existed. You will go to and see more beauty in Museums that you never envisioned. The same for movies, music, friends, and very often, her use of incredible lateral thinking. Many times you’ll remember saying “I never even thought of that, or looked at it that way.”  Her spontaneity will never cease to amaze you. Her unique take on faith will possibly be the most interesting thoughts on this complicated subject you ever heard. Many men who have the guts to fall for a free spirit, are often rewarded with an explosion of personal creativity they never believed was possible, especially after having lived their formal, routine, uptight, boring lives. She often helps him discover the new more romantic, creative side he never knew he possessed.

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3)   The Older yet Wiser Woman. Richer doesn’t necessarily mean wiser. It seems that old boys with their toys are not only challenging the balance of nature, they are often embarrassing themselves attempting to keep up with girls who could be their granddaughters. Hello, Hef. Men reach their sexual peaks from 18 to 24, women from 28 to 34, so in order to properly satisfy their raging loins, younger men should be with women about 10 years older. Can anybody tell me who created this great eternal plan and why? When you explore the entire situation, it makes sense and is good for all age groups. There are still the majority of couples, both young and old who are together, that are close in age, but let’s continue exploring the others. Young girls, too immature and inexperienced to be great moms yet, should allow older men to teach them worldly ways before being in the family way. She should travel to wonderful, far away places she would normally miss as a young mom. The old guy has his fantasy world and she is taking, traveling and learning. That leaves younger men and older women who have been left behind. This situation also works out well for them. She will have the young strong, hard, lover she needs to satisfy her raging sexual needs and he is learning to be a gentleman and a great lover, while they also travel the world using the money the old guy left her, so he could be with the teenager.

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4)   The Sexy Lady who Knows How to Use IT. The turning point for me was my last year in college. I lived in the Fraternity house and women were not permitted to go upstairs. Even grandmas, aunts, or much older, or much younger sisters had to use the down stairs restroom and not permitted to go visit the upstairs bedrooms. The following year, in 1960 when I graduated, rules were miraculously changed so women were allowed to not only go upstairs, but they were sharing bedrooms and bathrooms. Historically women would never call a man for a date; they rarely ever tried to pick-up a man, and hardly ever told dirty jokes. Nowadays there is gender equality. Men and women talk about sex and have no problem picking up a one-night stand with zero remorse, (unless the sex is bad). Sure, there are still some old-fashioned, young women waiting at home to be asked out on a date.  But because the others are out fooling around, it makes it easy for guys not to pay to go out on a date, or even commit to a relationship, when the sex is readily available. However, I think the tide may be turning. I’ve spoken to a few women in their 20’s and they appreciate their equality and freedom, but the “Friends with benefits” arrangements are not lasting beyond a couple of months, and they are secretly looking for their soul mate and to get into a serious relationship.

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5)   Plain Jane’s with all the “Hot Guys.” Did you ever go to a party and see a group of cool, ”hot” guys hanging around and laughing with a plain Jane type? She’s learned to love sports, action games and movies, so it’s easy to be one of the boys. She speaks their language. What happens when a man in a restaurant accidentally wanders into a ladies room? You can hear the shrieking all the way out to the car Valet. But if a women happens to wander into a men’s room, “Hi honey, come on in, nice to see you, can I get you something?” What is wrong with this picture? At least men have something to see and hopefully hide. But the gal I was referring to before, is the one who would give the same greeting to the guy who came into the ladies room. She is cool and comfortable with the guys. Just one of the boys. But she knows something they don’t. She knows how to read them. She has figured out the “secret” how to reach men. She knows the three kinds of men and how to listen to them, understand them, and approach them in their most comfortable language. This secret technique is explained in detail in my book. The e-book version was released for sale yesterday. If you would like to read it, it’s now available on my new Website www.stophatingdating and please let me know your thoughts.

Guys, now I need some input from you. Please write and tell me what type of woman you prefer. Ladies, which of the above categories do you think you fall into and how is it going? I would love to create a dialogue using your comments, but I need you to submit them and any questions you many have.

I Love to write and I LOVE to write for YOU.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

http://www.stophatingdating.com

You also can reach me at:

www.twitter.com/martysavarick     and     www.facebook.com/martin.savarick

Dating Mistakes: What did I do Wrong?

My last blog was called “Confidence is the New SEXY.” People admire and are drawn towards confidence in others. The feeling radiates out and says to others, ” I know I’m good, I’m in charge of every situation, and if you want to be a winner, then you’d be wise to be with me.” Most insecure people yearn to be more confident, but they know it will take some time, so when they meet someone who has that overflowing confidence, they want in. They may feel that it will rub off on them if they hang around with that person.That translates to dating.

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Simple solution right? Either you quickly develop your own confidence or you meet someone you’ll be with and learn from. Two great options, but what if becoming confident is being betrayed by your lack of courage, and you still haven’t met that special “friend” who’ll rub you to self-esteem, then you are back to where you started. Now what?

What we need to do, is break down the components of self-confidence and overcome the negatives, step by step. Do you actually believe that the majority of celebrities are “special?” Sure a lot of them have fame and fortune, but as the old saying goes, “there are over 100,000 talented actors, actresses, singers and dancers waiting on tables in order to survive financially. Why? Mostly because they haven’t been “discovered”…. yet. The famous ones are just like you and me or anyone else. They are people with the same fears, insecurities and concerns that we all have, but in varying degrees. Waiters may wonder if they’ll earn enough money to pay the rent, but insecure actors may wonder when they’ll work again, and if they may lose their big house. Most actors are as secure as the studio making money on their last film. There is always another actor to replace them, often for less, (or perhaps a “newly discovered” former waiter.) Here’s the secret to lose some of the “awe” of famous people; just visualize them sitting on the potty doing the Crossword Puzzle in the Enquirer balanced on a script, trying to juggle five things: the paper, the script, a pen, their glasses, and cell phone by using only two hands and hoping nothing important falls in.

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Here’s how it translates to dating. “Some Enchanted Evening” you’ll see someone stunning across a crowded room and your first and only reaction is, I want to get to meet him/her. No thought EVER that Oh no, they’re out of my class. Visualize them on the potty, walk over with a smile on your face, (that the potty thought gave you), and just say Hi. I trust you to say something funny, interesting or as simple as “I saw you across the room and wanted to meet you.” Confidence is SEXY, but you need to work on it and here’s how.

What you need to know to make you more Confident

1) Sometimes you’re the Windshield, sometimes you’re the Bug. Either squasher or squashee, it doesn’t matter. You win some and lose some. It’s out of your hands.

2) Many people will want to date you, many, many others will not. Forget the second group, it’s their loss.Concentrate on the first group.

3) Go after what you want. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Would you really be content sitting home alone, rather than sloughing off a few rejections in order to find your next date or Soul Mate? You’ll never know unless you try.

4) Many daters have a pre-conceived notion of what they want, and will not give up their dream. Because they are unwilling to compromise, just move on. It’s their problem.

5) Many people way down deep feel they are “defective” somehow. They erroneously believe that dating is not about exploring options but simply by somehow getting “lucky”. It’s a cop out. Overcome that nonsense and just go for it.

6) Try to cut down making sweeping generalizations about people. Your initial impressions can be jaded by many factors, keep an open mind. If they’re close to your ideal, give them a chance.

7) Don’t look for excuses We often talk ourselves out of risk taking. So maybe you’re the Bug this time. At least you tried. Feel pride in yourself that you made the effort. That pride will translate into future attempts, and eventual success.

8) Be truthful, (almost always). When breaking up, sometimes a gentle little white-lie is preferable to the brutal truth.

9) Is there only one Soul Mate for you?…No!!! There are many. If you live 100 miles from the closest neighbor in Wyoming, maybe one, but in you live in Manhattan, you may have several Soul Mates in your high rise or on your street.

10) Remember; No one is out of your league. Be friendly and socialize. DO talk to strangers. Smile, say hi to everyone who smiles back. Good morning, good day and good evening also work magic. Socialize; mingle, kibitz, chat, be friendly, schmooze, and by being friendly you’ll be amazed how nice people can be. They will welcome your friendly nature. Who knows? you may just find a “friend with benefits”, or even better, a Soul Mate.

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Tell me about your boost of confidence and how it has changed your life. When you can overcome rejection, you come to realize how terrific you are, and if someone rebuffs your friendly gesture, its their loss. Confidence is contagious!!

I Love to write and I Love to write for you.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also reach me at:

www.twitter.com/martysavarick     and /or    www.facebook.com/martin.savarick

Does the Opposite SEX Want YOU?

In my book “101 Way to Stop Hating Dating,” I reveal how a guy can tell whether a woman is into him or not. Many men are afraid of rejection and they look into a mirror so they think “Why would a women that spectacular be even slightly interested in an average guy like me?” Guys, you’d be very surprised how many women are into confidence (the Alpha Male), funny (the Seinfeld or Louis CK male) or the super smart (Bill Gates or Warren Buffet). Very rich even without the smart and funny also works, but I’ve often heard that women who just go for money, look for smart and funny on the side.

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So guys, if you know you are smart and funny, you need to boost your confidence and be able to approach ANY woman. It’s really easy, you just have to be yourself. Once you’re engaged in stimulating conversation or making her laugh, you could be on your way to romance. Just think of the concept; no lines, no come-on’s, no showing off, all you have to do is think of her as a normal, needy person and BE YOURSELF.

For the first half of my life, I was very needy. I craved to be loved, or at least liked by everybody, (even if I didn’t like them). I was like a puppy licking everybody’s face just to be accepted. Until that fateful day when I befriended a reclusive Billionaire. He was so shy he avoided a cocktail hour at a social event because the idea of having to schmooze with others made him physically ill. I spotted him kind of hiding out on the balcony of a social hall, so I walked up the stairs to talk with him. He surprisingly remembered me from only a previous brief meeting. I asked him if it was O.K. to share the balcony railing looking down over the socializers below. After we had chatted awhile, he said something that I never would forget. After I asked him how many guys told him they would love to switch lives with him, he said “Marty, I would love to  switch personalities with you. I panic in social situations and you look like you’re always getting the last line in and having  the most fun”. BOOM!!! Rockets went off as my tiny little ego became energized. No, not annoying, but confident. Ever since then I stopped caring whether people liked me or not. I just charged ahead and spoke to everybody no matter who they were or what they looked like.

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Mel Brooks had always been one of my comedy hero’s. When I told a friend in the business about meeting Mel someday, he said Mel is in California now shooting his new film “Silent Movie.” It’s full of stars and since there’s no sound in the movie, anybody who is anybody and in between gigs comes to the set to be entertained by Mel. I can get you on the set. Interested? Another BOOM. I flew to California, nervously tried to sleep the night before and was in the receptionist office, as instructed, by 9 a.m. Monday morning waiting to be taken to the movie set. The receptionist apologized profusely while telling me the Studio told Mel, on Friday afternoon, that he was over budget and behind schedule because he was wasting too much time entertaining his friends. So they ordered the set to be closed and nobody thought of calling me to not make the trip. On the looong plane ride back to New York, I vowed to keep trying to finally meet Mel. A few months later, I told the sad but still funny story to my friend Steve who said “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Mel and Annie have a house next to us on fire Island and our kids go sailing every Sunday. So come out to the beach next Saturday, we’ll have a bar-b-que, stay over till Sunday and spend quality time with Mel, he’ll love you.”

I was so nervous about my upcoming trip to Fire Island to met Mel that I couldn’t concentrate during my Saturday morning Tennis match.  On my last overhead, I took a misstep and heard something POP on the bottom of my foot. The emergency room doctor gave me a shot, a pair of crutches and said, “A torn metatarsal bone will self heal in about a month. Use the crutches and take painkillers.”

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Later in the afternoon, I painfully drove the one hour to take the ferry to Fire Island and FINALLY meet my comedy hero. Did you ever use crutches on sand? It was about a half mile walk from the ferry landing to my friend Steve’s house. He said “Go next door to introduce yourself and you’ll see them later at dinner.” When he said next door, it was about the length of three football fields to go to the Brooks’ Bungalow. I was in pain, hair matted down, sweating like crazy when I finally spotted a beautiful body in a tiny white bikini coved up by a huge white hat. I stood at the fence clearing my throat, until Anne Bancroft looked up and said “Sorry, I don’t have any change.” She lowered her hat and resumed reading. “Wait” I yelled, “I’m Marty the friend of the Kess’s , we are having dinner tonight and sailing with the kids tomorrow.” Then I went into at least a 20 minute story about how I love Mel and being so disappointed not seeing him in California, and trying so hard to met him and reviewing his career and my broken metatarsal bone in my foot and on and on. She sat there on her chaise staring at me without saying a word. She finally spoke. “Mel’s not here, he had to rush to London this morning and I’m not sure when he’ll be back. “Do you know who I am?” “Of course, I know you. I saw “The Miracle Worker” so many times, you are my favorite actress, and you’re so bright and funny, I love you.” She said “Too Late. If you first came over and said Oh My God, it’s Anne Bancroft, my favorite actress and how sexy you look in that bikini.” “I would have jumped up, given you a big hug and many kisses, taken you inside for a great Italian lunch and then f*ck your brains out. But since you’d rather talk about Mel, hit the road.”

The story has a happy ending. Jet-lagged Mel got back the following afternoon, we had a nice Sunday Bar-b-que, watched the kids sail, and I made him and Annie laugh several times.

So keep trying, be persistent, quitters never win and winners never quit, and the rewards may be unexpectedly spectacular.

Please tell me your thoughts in the Comment section. Do you have any super persistence stories?

I love to write and I love to write for you.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also reach me @

www.twitter.com/martysavarick   www.facebook.com/martin.savarick