Men Are Dogs: So What Else Is New?

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I have to be careful here. I’m not looking forward to see a mob of angry men, carrying torches outside my house because they feel I have become a turncoat. On the other hand, women are saying “Now here’s a guy that gets it.” The guys think I opened up Pandora’s Box by telling women how men are usually lying to them and what they really want from women.

DISCLAIMER:

I have to be careful generalizing about percentages. Very few things encompass all or none, it’s usually a number somewhere in the middle. So I will be careful saying, “Men say….”. You may feel it includes ALL men. Not so! Even by saying “Most men feel….” it’ll mean more than half feel that way. So if I slip up and either imply it is all or even most, just interpose the word ‘many’ when I say “Men feel or act a certain way,” then use the percentages that YOU can live with.

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John Gray wrote, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” in the mid 1990’s. It sold over 50 million copies and was ensconced on the Best Sellers List for 121 weeks. Gray researched and wrote brilliantly about the fundamental psychological differences between the genders. Men claim they offer quick solutions to problems. But women are not satisfied with the solutions, but would prefer to discuss them further. The genders also differ how they respond to stress and stressful situations.

Men often prefer to return to the comfort of their Man-Cave to refresh and review. Women, on the otherhand, want to continue to discuss “it” NOW.

Both genders have preconceived notions about finding a steady date. They also fantasize about their type.

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She says, “I want a tall, thin guy with a full head of hair that dances, is smart, funny and successful, and one who does not need my money.

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He says, “I want sexy, busty, thin, great ass who has her own money for the big things and will fulfill my sexual fantasies day and night.”

If she is lucky to find Mr. Right and he passes the “physical test”, then the personality testing begins. Is he usually kind vs. angry? Is he a talker or mute? Is he willing to do the activity I want to do? If I give in too soon in bed, will he leave me for a bigger challenge? Is he the marrying kind? Would he make a good dad?

He is usually thinking, “Does she like sports? How about playing video games and drinking beer with my buddies? Does she love sex as much as me? Does she have many activities with her friends in order to give me lots of free time with the boys?”

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And now for the real potential deal breaker. How is the sex? He thinks he is god’s gift to women and a great lover. She says, “Erection, ejection, then rejection. Where the hell did he go? Is that the sound of a game on TV in the den? The guy has no idea how to please a woman. He thinks “Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am” is how to make love. Either he doesn’t know or doesn’t care, or perhaps both.

Premature ejaculation, not being able to turn her on with foreplay (which includes starting with a good morning hug and kiss), are all things he has to be willing to work on if he can get over his embarrassment, and truly cares about improving.

Of course, there are other couples that are so into each other physically that together they explore all the various methods of improving intimacy by prolonging sexual excitement. Sting and his wife, Trudy, have extolled the joys of Tantric Sex for many years.

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Lucky me! On Thursday, May 8th at 10:00 p.m. EST, I will be interviewed by Devi Ward. Devi is a Tantric Sex Expert and a pioneer in the field of sexual healing and empowerment for women, as well as the Co-Founder of BetterLoveandSex.com – A revolutionary, new form of Erotic Education for Adults.

The link to the radio show is:

http://www.ctrnetwork.com/profile/BetterLoveandSex

I encourage you to call in with any questions that you may have for us. The call in number is: 877-230-3062

I hope that couples will listen in and learn how to improve their lovemaking. You will learn from one of only 2 people in North America qualified to teach the Secret Tibetan 5 Element Sexual Tantras.

I’m awaiting your feedback.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

My website is: http://www.stophatingdating.com

Or you can reach me at:  www.twitter.com/martysavarick  or http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

read a review of the book at: http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

Can Great SEX Overcome Annoying Habits?

Good friends are hard to find…and keep, (kinda like Soul Mates). So if this story seems quite familiar, and you remember their “real names,”  let’s just keep it between us. The second two names I just thought about using was Jack and Jill. I tried to scroll the list of all the names of couples I learned about growing up, and decided not to use Adam and Eve, my obvious first choice.

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Jack waited until he was in his mid-forties until he decided that since he loved Jill so much, he was ready to tie the knot. He was so proud to be with her, loved her looks, couldn’t keep his hands off her, the sex was great and she was very intelligent. What more could a guy wish for?

Soon after moving in together, cracks started to appear in their “perfect” relationship. He was a saver and she increased her spending dramatically claiming, “Now that there are two incomes, there is so much more to buy.” He was a neat freak and she was content to wait until “later” to clean up the mess she had made. They each talked about what bothered them, but in a cute loving way. “I love her/him so much it’s impossible to be 100% totally compatible, we’ll work out the little glitches,” they were fond of saying to their closest friends.

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Jill remembered very clearly that the “little” problems between them exploded the memorable night she got up and felt her way into the master bathroom attempting to tinkle in the dark. She had no idea he had forgotten to lower the toilet seat…..again. He, was blissfully dreaming when he was suddenly awoken mid-dream by the shrieking sound of Jill in distress. He jumped out of bed and ran toward the sound in the pitch dark bathroom and flicked on the light. Unfortunately for him, (but later on fortunately for his divorce attorney), Jack couldn’t stop laughing hysterically at the sight of Jill only with her head, arms and lower legs sticking out of the toilet bowl, involuntarily splashing her shivering private parts in the cold water.

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That was the event that they both referred to as “the unceremoniously opening of Pandoras Box.” All those previous cute little difference’s were now being blown out of proportion being described in x-rated profanity The name calling had started and they were at each others throats trying to remember why “I even fell in love with this asshole in the first place.”

I had dinner with him a couple of months after the finalization of their divorce, and Jack was hesitant even thinking about starting to date ever again. “It seemed so perfect in the beginning now it’s over. How do I protect myself from it ever happening again?” We both agreed to do some research and try to find the solution.

I told Jack that I had read an article about Dr. John Gottman, director of Seattle University’s “Love Lab” and founder of the Gottman Institute, that have studied thousands of couples for decades. He claims that there are “Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse.” He claims these four traits are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism includes attacking your partners personality, “why are you always so late?” Contempt is constantly putting your partner down, “you’re stupid for believing that.” Defensiveness is rebuffing your partners complaint with one of your own, (kind of like tit for tat). Stonewalling means clamming up and refusing to discuss anything at all.

If the intent is to mutually resolve the difficulty between you, then you can look for a highly recommended relationship counselor nearby your home and take classes together for resolving your particular issues. You’ll learn that stopping the hurtful accusatory words will go a long way in resolving your problems.

So Who Will Make it as a Couple?

It really boils down to good communication.Two-thirds of couples claim that their spouse often made them feel good about themselves, whereas only about one quarter of unhappy couples could claim the same thing. The rule to remember: Even if you assume your partner already knows how you feel, that he/she is smart/funny/sexy, or that you’re very grateful for the “things” they do, it’s still vey important to reiterate your appreciation for each other often.

What’s the Main Cause for Divorce?

Most people think it’s the highly dramatic ones like adultery or domestic violence but they are wrong. The main reason is a “soft” one, “We just grew apart.”

Advice on How to Make it Work

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Don’t assume that since you don’t fight constantly or get into jealous spats that all is O.K. You both need to think about improving the soft side of your relationship, In particular, doing things together. Learning to play a sport and taking bridge lessons together, taking that cooking class, or even taking Ukulele lessons together, will add additional sparks. The reason is that your togetherness creates dopamine, a chemical in our bodies that is released into your blood stream. It also was released when you first fell in love. Staying in love is not that hard; keep up the mutual respect and do fun stuff together.

It takes a concerted effort to avoid ennui (boredom). Think about all the things you always wanted to do, or try, or see, or listen to, or visit, and plan on sharing them together.

I love to hear from you. Take a few minutes and write a couple of sentences in the comments section about your love story.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Visit my Website at:  www.stophatingdating.com

or visit me at  www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or   http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

buy the e-book from  http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

 

 

 

 

 

10 Types of Men to Avoid

What inspires me to write a blog? First, I welcome those wonderful middle of the night epiphanies. I’ve learned to keep a pad and pen on my night table and to switch on the light, so hopefully what I attempt to write down will be legible in the a.m. Notice I said, “switch on the light,” because I’ve learned through trial and error that scribbling some ideas half groggily at 3 a.m. in the dark turns into Farci, Yiddish or Mandarin in the early light of day. I also read a lot, and if I find something that I think would appeal to you, I use that concept and run with it. Sometimes it is so well written that I shamelessly “borrow” more than I should (In a state of total envy) and give them the credit they deserve for their writing skills. This Blog was “influenced” by Norine Dworkin-McDaniel who is a Special Contributor to Lifescript, an excellent newsletter for women. Her article was titled “7 Types of Men to Avoid.” I added; three more types, changed most of her wording, and added some of my special brand of humor. I think it will be very informative and quite helpful for you to realize these types of guys are out there, all of them eventually ending up breaking your heart.

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1) Mr. Jealous.  It may take you a while to discover, but he probably has learned by now to cover it up well. He has little or no self-confidence. His insecurities will eventually drive you crazy; he needs you to comfort and praise him constantly, including trying to be positive and complement him for the “good parts” of his messing up. He just can’t handle the truth because it’s too painful. Living a long life with this type will cause YOU real pain.

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2) Mr. No-Moneybags.  These guys not only exude lots of charm but they also seems to be so financially comfortable. They, unfortunately have Rolls Royce tastes and Kia budgets. Their special skills lay in their ability to find women with money. He does special research using his pre-war windup computer to locate grieving widows (by reading the Obituaries daily), locating women with trust funds who were never married, and women older than he, who initially are only looking for a classy man to escort them to charity balls and the like. He eventually manages to get into their hearts and wallets.

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3)  Mr. Marry-Go-Round.  This type has little or no respect for the institution of marriage. For him it is only a piece of paper tied into a fault free, and payment free pre-nuptial agreement. Before marrying, he tells his bride-to-be that in order to protect his assets, his lawyers insist on him having a pre-nup that says he doesn’t have to pay out one cent until you reach, (pick a number) 2?, 3?, or even 5? years of marriage. You can bet your bottom dollar that he has already filed to break up the marriage well before the deadline date.  He probably has been out looking to trade you in for a newer model.

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4) Mr. Peter Pan Syndrome.  Although his birth certificate claims he is in his 30’s or 40’s his behavior is 100% Frat boy. His favorite activity is sitting on the sofa surrounded by beer, appetizers, chips and his best buddies playing video games,  jumping and screaming as if they have just won the lottery. They are on a first name basis with the “best” bartenders in town, and always ready to go on a fishing trip (usually to Las Vegas, the only fish in Vegas are at the tables.) You learn to love his spontaneity and sense of adventure by para-sailing over the beach in Cancun or Acapulco, but when you really need him, it’s like asking a 10 year old for help and emotional support. Yes, your Peter Pan will eventually grow up into a perennial bachelor, who still cares more for the latest video game rather than having a serious relationship with you.

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5)  Mr. Heavy Baggage.  Hardly anybody comes into a potential relationship totally unencumbered. There usually are; children, grandchildren, ex-spouses, alimony payments, ex’s children and their families. Add in the debts, lawsuits, business problems, crazies lurking around the corner or online, brothers, sisters, weird friends, health problems, pets and prior in-force contracts, just to name a few. Do you really need any more? Here’s how to root them out into the open. Ask to meet “the family” as soon as you two talk about commitment or have had the “together forever” pledge. When you do meet them, try to find an unhappy member of the group and talk to them privately. Ask a few probing questions. Are you unhappy? Why? What’s going on in the family? Be prepared to jump back to avoid the angry words spewing from their mouth. Time to hit the road and leave the guy with the baggage behind.

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6) Mr. Mama’s Boy.  He is so nice. It’s rare nowadays that you can call a person nice. It’s the nicest four letter word we can use in describing another. He is also kind and affectionate, well trained in the kitchen and laundry. Unfortunately he is hung up on another woman-his mother. I’m sure it’s not the fantasy threesome you had envisioned. Mom is super competent. She manages his checkbook, his investment portfolio, real estate (where he is to live), politics (who he will vote for), and other means of controlling his every decision. If you push him to choose sides, guess who loses….and don’t let the door slam you in the tush as you are leaving, mostly for your sanity.

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7) Mr. Permanent Bachelor  You find it impossible to believe that the guy you just dated for the first time is still available. Why hasn’t someone grabbed him up until now? He is so handsome, so smart, so funny, so financially stable in his own successful business, such a perfect gentleman, and his kisses melt you like ice cream outdoors in summer. After a few more dates while you are daydreaming about your white picket fence future, he then apparently reads your mind and disappears, out of your life forever. He left so quickly that when you look down, you can see his skid marks on the tile floor. If he was ever asked if he has found Mrs. Right yet, he would reply, “No, not yet, but I’m still looking.” With a perennial bachelor, there is no Mrs.right and probably never will be. But women’s nature rears up and says, “I’ll be the one.” but if no one has been Mrs.Right, you probably won’t be either.

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8) Mr. Egomaniac. I guess because I hate braggarts so much, I think I have a Bill O’Reilly/Donald Trump personality detector and all egomaniacs set of an internal alarm. Not everybody has one. Too bad, these guys will Superego you to distraction. Usually they are brilliant, accomplished and have an unflagging braggadocios belief in their own superhuman infallibility. He usually doesn’t like competition. Although he claims to seek out an equal, if you outshine him he will retaliate to knock you down while rebuilding himself up again. Some ego driven men think nothing of embarrassing loved ones in public to re-assert themselves, especially in their own minds. Many women are smitten with the strong, silent, tough guy type; Clint Eastwood in his prime and Big John Wayne could certainly make your day. Nowadays, I even heard some women talk lovingly about Chris Christie because, “He’s tough and he would fight for me.”  Most people with his demeanor are just loudmouth bullies, plain and simple. Hit the road before this macho bully ruins your life.

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9) Mr. Not Good In Bed.  Woman talks her intimate partner into going to a sex doctor. The Doctor addresses them and says, “I understand you have a sex problem.” the guy says, “I don’t have a problem, she has the problem, she comes too late.” Sexually experienced women know the difference if the guy is not a good lover. He doesn’t kiss well (and you don’t want me to go into what bad kissers do or don’t do) You’re welcome. But there is more to being good in bed or being a good lover. Touching, tenderness, erotic contact with words and physical contact well before the actual act, is a necessary build up for a woman. She wants to feel desired, her body is a beautiful compilation of skin and nerve endings that should be played as if you were playing a Stradivarius violin. It takes time. Her lover must use his lips, tongue, fingers and all over gentle tactile massage to get a woman ready for what should last hours, not one minute. He wants to ejaculate so he can go to the refrigerator then turn on the TV and watch the game, or what’s even worse, watch porn. Having sex and making love are two different things that many men no nothing about. Good luck trying to train them. Give it a shot before you drop him, your efforts just may be rewarded.

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10) Mr. Control Freak. I’m a sucker for nature shows especially where they depict animals in deadly combat for survival. Last week I saw a battle between a large alligator and a huge Boa constrictor The Boa eventually squeezed the life out of the gator, eventually unhinged it’s jaws and swallowed it whole. I know it’s a stretch, but dating a Control Freak is like gradually having the breath being squeezed out of YOUR body. It starts innocently enough, but by the sheer strength of his will, you will be eating at the restaurants he wants, watching the movies he picks, and hanging out with only his friends. If he is the typical Control Freak, he will be dictating everything, from what you are wearing, to how you spend your free time. His obvious concern and attention is surely flattering, so you start to believe it’s all about you, but one day you wake up and ask, Where did I go? Who am I? The best way to avoid being in his grasp is to be aware of his behavior early on. If he seems too involved in ALL your activities and tells you what to do, who to see and where to go and with whom, a bell should go off in your brain. He always expects you to agree with him and if you dare not to, he will berate you until you see it his way. Don’t allow it to continue because that Boa Constrictor is trying to remove all your ability to object and to defer to him, totally micromanaging you, by then it’s too late. In summary, as soon as you realize he is a control freak…. Run-don’t walk-away.

Have you been a victim in the past? Do any of these 10 types of the wrong men remind you of a current relationship? Get out before you potentially waste the best years of your life (including your childbearing ones), with a guy who will only break your heart.

Please comment below.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Reach my Website at    www.stophatingdating.com

or reach me at http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick   or  www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

or  http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

The Big Lie and the Gullible Who? Might that be You?

What a wonderful, interesting weekend we just had. Most of the days of our lives, we’re just passing thru. Our days are replicas of most other boring, routine days, kinda reminding me of the classic Bill Murray film “Groundhog Day.” But this past extended weekend, starting with Friday evening and up to right now as I’m writing this latest Blog, we enjoyed a group of exciting experiences.

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It began innocently enough with a dinner date with another couple who we’ve known as neighbors for a long while, but no one ever took the initiative to ask the other couple to get together socially. I knew from a few conversations that he was a nice guy and people said she was funny.  Well, funny is not the word, I’d prefer calling her hysterical. Use your imagination and create a comedy mix of Ellen DeGeneres, John Rivers, and Chelsea Handler. She told stories that had us trying to catch our breath from laughing so hard. We had such a good time that I wrote to her later that evening and addressed her as my “Twin sister from another mother in another decade.”

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Another wonderful experience was watching Billy Crystals “700 Sundays” on HBO. I cannot ever remember so many moments of laughter mixed in with tears as Billy related his family life, then sadly losing his beloved father when Billy was only 15.

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Saturday evening we had a lovely romantic dinner at home and watched the film “A Civil Action,” a legal drama starring John Travolta with an amazing supporting role played by the late, great James Gandolfini.

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Sunday morning we visited a new Asian massage place for the first time that specializes in foot massage. The whole experience takes 45 minutes. They start you with a neck and upper back massage and follow by a half hour of the most incredible foot massage (Reflexology). We booked again for next weekend and another Wow experience.

Last night I looked up some interesting people on Twitter, and recall a very intriguing comment. One woman posted; “It’s kinda messed up isn’t it? How all of a sudden, someone just wakes up and decides never to talk to you again. No reason. No explanation. No words said. They just leave you hanging like you never meant shit to them, and what hurts the most is how they make it look so easy.” Now this morning, while reading my local paper I noticed a nationwide advice column called Ask Amy, that featured this headline, ” Woman confused by a change of heart.” The guy simply left her for no apparent reason.

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Hmmmm. Something very strange, yet quite familiar, is going on here. It appears that there are many heartbroken women in the same boat. Some of these bums drag women along for an interminable time with their latest version of the big lie.”I love you and I swear we will be together.” The ones in a relationship that choose to leave are not such good liars or actors, so they leave in the middle of the night, so to speak. The ones that wait for the light of day are the slightly  “braver” ones, but that doesn’t mean they will ever tell WHY, they left. Sadly there are many stories of women under the spell of those actor-liars who string their girlfriends along, delusionally wasting the best years of their lives.

Why does it also happen to the ones who have been in a long term illicit relationship? They have been leaving their wives forever, but not quite yet. Why do so many women take so long to notice his “tells” or conflicting indicators, often unbelievable stories and negative body language. Here are a group of comments that may be all or part of the answer, and why she is in the position she’s in;

a) “I love him, I have unbreakable faith that he will be mine someday.”

b)  “I know he loves me and he has this/these big problem(s) to overcome.”

c) “I know he tells me some little white lies, but that’s to protect me from some bad news.”

d) “My close friends and family know about us and don’t like him, but they are all wrong.”

e)  “I’ve waited so long, a few more (days, weeks, months, etc.), will be worth the wait.”

f) “I believe in the power of prayer.”

g)  “So what if he looks at and flirts with other women, boys will be boys.”

h) No matter how long I’ve waited for him, it only feels like a very short time since his last excuse.

I)  “I just know he is the man for me and I refuse to cheat on him and our love because I know that if I do, I will live to regret it.”

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Without knowing all your details, it is impossible for me to tell you exactly what to do. It’s easy to pull a Dr. Phil and solve your problem in 22 minutes, less commercials, but this is a serious matter, not a TV show. Just for me to call names, “He is a LIAR and you my dear, are a FOOL,” will not solve your situation.

I have combined two types of heartbreakers together, so let’s solve one at a time. As far as the guy who tells you he loves you on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and says I’m leaving on Friday, unfortunately you may never find out why he left. I’m sure you would love to know why for several reasons; curiosity, if there was someone else, or perhaps a habit or behavior or yours that he couldn’t deal with any longer. The most positive reason to know why, is because there may be something there that you can choose to change about yourself. I’m sure you would like to know what about you this guy hates, in order to see if it’s worthwhile trying to change because the next guy(s) might be bothered by the same thing. Here are some of the kinder reasons why he might say he had to leave;

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a) “It’s not you, it’s me.” George Costanza in Seinfeld thought it up, or so he thought.

b) “I just need more space.”

c) “I just need to be on my own right now to better deal with my problems.”

d) “I’m just not ready now for a committed relationship.”

e) “You must have known that I haven’t been happy for a while.”

f) “I don’t deserve you.”

Those that say nothing and leave, if pressed, might say something nasty just to inflict pain or to get revenge for some unspoken incident. Be careful what you wish for;

a) “I’ve met someone else.”

b) “I’m not in love with you.”

c) “I never was in love with you, I tried, but it never happened.”

d) “You have too many annoying habits for me to deal with.”

The other guy is the one who can’t pull the trigger by getting his divorce finalized, (so to speak.) He wants to be with you, so he says, but he either can’t make the move to freedom, or he is just using you as a sex toy with no plan for permanence. You are enabling this guy by listening to, and accepting his bull. Don’t continue to be a victim. The choice is yours. Here is what I suggest you do and how you should feel about it;

a) Give him one last deadline. Tell him if he is not free and totally available to you by the deadline, it’s definitely over. Even if you’ve had “deadlines” before, swear that this time it’s for real.

b) After he disappoints you this final time, then break it off, (What a dirty mind. I know what you’re thinking. I mean break the relationship off). No communication between you. (not even to find out about a sick relative.) Zero contact. No “accidental” running into each other, (I know you know his schedule), no calls of any kind, no computer contacts of any kind, no intervening friends to finally bring him to his senses. Nada, zip, nothing. It’s over! You’ve been used and now YOU are in charge.

c) Get on with your life. You’re terrific. Go on dates, lots of dates. Join the top dating sites, get friends to fix you up with “nice” compatible guys. Even if there’s no immediate chemistry, at least you can accumulate a new group of male friends, who also have friends, they too also have other friends, etc.

d) You will survive. Living well is the best revenge.

The death of a close, intimate, loving relationship is painful, and will take some time to totally overcome.You must pull yourself back from the quicksand of the loving memories from the good times and objectively review all of your history together. His ongoing unkept promises, lies, occasional mysterious loss of contact, the volume of times you’ve forgiven him, and now be thankful you’ve made the decision to rescue yourself. No more a victim. Just love yourself and someone truly worthy will deeply love you sooner than you ever thought possible.

Please comment in the space below. I’d love to know what’s on your mind. Have you or any close friends suffered the heartbreak of an unsuspected break-up?

I love to write and LOVE to write for you.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Please visit my website at:  www.stophatingdating.com

or visit at: http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick  or  http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

or buy the e-book at

http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick

How to Discover Your Future Soul Mate

Generally speaking, there are two types of men in terms of maturity; those that are wearing their baseball caps on backwards, sitting on the sofa with their buddies playing video games well into their 20’s and 30’s, the other type are the “good guys,” the ones that realize that life is not one long extended Fraternity party, and it’s time to grow up.

Three friends playing video games while drinking beer.

The immature types think that life is a giant blur of beer, betting, hangin’ with the boys and sex with as many girls as possible. The good news is, that the vast majority of American men are not like those immature “bums.” The facts prove that 90 % of men have been married by the age of 40.

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Men vary in levels of maturity and although some are ready for fidelity in their 20’s, many are still looking for the Sophia Vergara look-a-like well into their 40’s or 50’s. Coinciding with his orgasm, a simultaneous giant hook comes down from above and removes him from her bed, his romantic feelings for her, and her life, all in one fell swoop. She is devastated, and he is now looking for the latest Kate Upton facsimile.

For the grown-ups ready to become a family man, if you asked why he married and what he admires most about his wife he would probable reply; her values, her intelligence, her sense of humor, her potential as a great mother and simply that she makes him feel good about himself and is loved very much.

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There are some anxious women who feel they have found the right guy but they “scare” them away by being too fast too soon with uncomfortable questions; “Where do you see us in 5 years, and how many kids do you want to have together?” As Rita Rudner, the great comedienne once observed, if you were in the room and heard the girlfriend ask him these “what if?” questions, when you looked down you could still see his skid marks.

Biologically speaking, men usually tend to want more sexual partners than woman, who prefer thinking about marriage and family as a goal. So men have a natural hesitancy about monogamy, at least at the onset of a potential relationship. Ladies, use your better judgment not to ask him those types of questions until well into a serious relationship.

There is a very thin line between “having a man run after her until she catches him,” versus acting too aloof whereby he loses confidence and starts to look elsewhere to be more appreciated.

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Some women have always been man magnets and always hung out with the guys. Guys were drawn to them and the reason is that guys felt little or no stress with them around, just as if the girls were a couple of other male friends. So when a women asks me what the guy magnet secret is and how can she get to be surrounded by men, the answer is quite obvious. Just go where the boys are; Go to sporting events, watch the games on large screen TV’s in a sports bar full of male fans, learn to shoot pool, checkout the basketball courts in your local park, try rollerblading for great exercise, join a gym and ask cute guys for some pointers, create a girls night out where you and your girl friends go to a good steak joint to mix it up with the boys night out crowd. I can’t guarantee you’ll find your Soul Mate quickly, but you’ll have a lot of fun trying to find “him.”

Get out there, mix with the right people in the right groups and you’ll add to your odd of finding and keeping your Soul Mate. Tell me your story and send some additional comments about this and other blogs of mine.

I love to write and LOVE to write for you.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Come visit my Webpage at:  stophatingdating.com

You can also find me at:  http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick and

http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating

 

Women are Getting Screwed, So Where’s the OUTRAGE? Part II

Dr. Peggy Drexler; Author, research psychologist and gender scholar, recently published an article in The Huffington Post which originally appeared on Forbes.com titled.
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Equal Pay for Equal Work a No-Brainer, Right?
Last Wednesday Senate Republicans blocked, for the 3rd time, The Paycheck Fairness Act, a bill proposing to close the pay gap between men and women. Democrats argue that wage disparities persist, pulling out the oft-cited figure that women, on average, earn 77 percent to a mans dollar. Paycheck Fairness, they say, would make it impossible for employers to tie compensation to work quality, productivity and experience. Lawsuits would increase. And they even point out that women in the White House only get 88 cents to male counterparts, I don’t know why either, I’ve checked everything written about it, but no one has reported why there “might be” a pay disparity in the White House, as yet. (Please let me know if you find out if it’s true, or why it is?)
One of the main reasons WHY more and more women are staying home and not even looking for work any longer is that they can’t find decent work, especially jobs that pay enough to cover the costs for the necessary childcare.
Some Republicans concede (although privately and off the record), that they believe in Paycheck Fairness. So what’s the problem you might ask? The answer is politics. Unfortunately, nothing will happen until Democrats and Republicans agree to make equal pay a fairness issue rather than a political one. In the meantime it’s women that suffer.
One of my favorite expressions is “Follow the Money.” It’s a simple statement but incredibly broad based. Politicians want to be re-elected, so they never bite the hand that feeds that effort. The top 2% are the Billionaires and Multi-Millionaires who own most of corporate America and they fund, (some say own), the politicians who do their bidding. Paying women what they deserve will cost their businesses lots of money. So, even though I feel most of the elected officials know its wrong to discriminate, they vote THEIR own re-election pocketbook and continue to deny women their equal rights. It’s really an easy problem to fix. THROW THE BUMS OUT, but how do we do it? Here are my suggestions how to get it done.
First, let’s list the facts, or very strong assumptions:
1) The recent Supreme court decision says that anybody, including the wealthiest people, can spend an unlimited amount of money for political contributions. The 5 ultra conservative justices called it utilizing FREE speech, (unfortunately, it also includes money coming in from Billionaire business owners from around the World, some with anti-American intentions, who spend enormous amounts of money for advertising to overwhelm the opposition and electorate with their lies and scare tactics.)
2) They will stuff the pockets of the elected officials to buy their votes. I know it’s illegal, but let’s not be naïve, we all know it happens. Since Harry Truman, almost every President, Senator, and long term House of Representative member has retired from office much wealthier than when they first got elected.
3) By bombarding the voters with well produced ads for their candidates, many voters will either say “they couldn’t legally say what they advertised if it wasn’t true, or O.K. I give up, I’ll just go along to get along, at least I can be on the winning side.”
4) “Stop driving me crazy with all these ads. I’m fed up with politics. I’m not even going to bother to vote. One vote doesn’t matter. I never saw anybody lose by just one vote.”
So the answers to overcome them are:
1) Since woman are the majority, every female has to plan to vote in order to accomplish change.
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2) In the tradition of honest reporting, I must mention the fairly recent situation in Egypt. After the overthrow of long time dictator Musharraf, the 80 million Egyptians felt the overwhelming fresh air of freedom and proceeded with a free, unfettered, legitimate, election. Several groups were vying for control, including the Muslim Brotherhood, which common knowledge dictated that since they only had 18% of the electorate, they were no threat to win. Be careful what you wish for! It seems that a person, or a group of journalists miscalculated the strength of the Brotherhood (ah, the dreaded transposing of numbers) and so, to the dismay of most of the World, the Muslims won control. The new government quickly reverted to the Koran rather than the Egyptian Constitution, back to jihad rather than peace with the neighbors, back to Sharia law and it’s frequent public beheadings for little or no reason, other than a perceived blasphemous act. Almost a year to the date of their democratically decided voting victory, the powerful military leaders threw the Brotherhood out. Now multiple factions are fighting with each other trying to figure how democracy works for their next election (especially for their group.)
3) So if we stick together and throw the bums out who refuse to give us our equal rights, we certainly don’t want to wake up with the American version of the Muslim Brotherhood in charge. Obviously I’m just being facetious, but you get the idea. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.
4) It has to be harder to accomplish by voting the bums out, without first finding and vetting their hopefully improved upon replacements.
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5) Here is a good idea to put pressure on the Billionaire manipulators who have and will continue to spend even more of their enormous wealth to buy their candidates and the election. Squeeze them. Seriously, squeeze them HARD! Boycott the Bastards!! For example, the Koch Brothers, who possibly will use 1 Billion of their 80 plus Billion nest egg in the next two national elections, control over 60 consumer goods companies. Print a wallet sized list of their brands like Vanity fair and Brawny, keep it handy when shopping, and refuse to buy their products. Spread the word to everyone you know to never to buy their stuff again. They also have lots of major coal, oil and gas investments. Again, put them on your list and boycott them too. Squeeze the bums out of politics. Make them feel it in the pocketbook.
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And while you are at it, go after the biggest one of all. Sheldon Adelson, who owns the huge Venetian Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, plus many others in Macao (southeast Asia), would hate it if you boycotted and picketed the Venetian in Vegas. Imagine Shelly looking out from an enormous Penthouse window adorned with his flaming orange hair and zooming around in his souped up scooter, watching protestors and picketers blocking his entrances. Removing his hundreds of millions out of elections would bring us back to having a much fairer vote. Nobody really cares as much as Adelson to stop Online Gambling, Shelly’s pet peeve, (and major competition), so much so that future presidential candidates recently ran to Vegas (imagine Chris Christie in a track outfit running a race, WOOF!), to kiss Adelsons ring and get his endorsement and financial backing. They are prostrating themselves before the king maker promising him in unison to destroy the online gambling industry in order to help the bottom line of his beloved casino, the Venetian, enjoying a better return on his political investment. How obvious is all of this comical crap, yet it is a disturbingly blatant violation of our freedom.  But women’s inequality  IS a DEADLY serious matter. We cannot allow a few billionaires to destroy our freedoms and our country.
For all of us that believe in freedom and free elections we must get out there and talk it up, form groups, have meetings and make sure everyone who can vote, does so in November. We need to take back Congress and take back America from the big money interests. WE have control of the votes, let’s use them. It’s only for one day, (unless you can register and vote earlier).You lose your right to complain later if you don’t vote and get others to also do so. It’s not only congressional issues and Washington representatives we are dealing with. It’s much more. In order to replace the ultra-conservative votes on the unfair Supreme Court, we must be diligent and vote in each and every election, including local elections. There is nothing like having a majority to win. Ladies you’ve got it, now use it well. This was a long Blog, but I felt it was needed to educate those of you that didn’t realize what women don’t yet have, and need to be protected with Constitutional Guarantees. We need all three branches of government to get it done, and overcome the many other OUTRAGES we are living with.
Justice must be for ALL. Let me know your thoughts and feelings. I am looking forward to an open forum where we share points of view and suggestions to achieve the fairness goals.
Thank you,
Marty
HDCoverframed
 Or you also can find me at:

Women are Getting Screwed, So Where’s the OUTRAGE? Part I

Here are the details for the story of gender equality in a nutshell. Women in America have no Constitutional protection for guaranteed equality. They do however, have protection for the right to vote, guaranteed by the 19th Amendment (called womens suffrage), which passed in 1919 by one thin vote. The Equal Rights Amendment, which would have Constitutionally guaranteed equality and protection for your healthcare choices and financial situations, including equal pay for equal work, was NEVER passed into law as a proposed Constitutional Amendment. Although it got the necessary 2/3rds vote of Congress on May 7th, 1992, it was never RATIFIED by the required 38 states to make it a Constitutional Amendment. All these other so called Equality of pay laws, fancy sounding Acts for Justice or Presidential executive orders, are not worth the paper they are written on because employers, states, and sharp lawyers can easily get around them, which is why women are still getting 77 cents for each Dollar a man makes. But you do have the right to vote and you are in the majority, so let’s see what can, and should be done, to achieve guaranteed justice for women.

My assistant Lisa, who is very well qualified to give advice about using Social Media to build a base of followers, told me over and over to “Never Blog or Tweet about Politics or Religion, because followers are usually split about 50-50, and when you take one side, you alienate the other side.”  People are locked into their beliefs, whether reasonable or not, they stick to their guns, no matter what proof comes out to show their beliefs may be totally wrong and could possibly be hurting them.

Under ordinary circumstances, Lisa is absolutely correct, but I am overwhelmed by Outrage, just how many women are being taken advantage of, and we as a country are not doing what is required to change things to correct the injustice. Either women don’t know anything about the law, don’t understand the complex issues of the problem as it now exists, don’t want to rock the boat “we’ve come so far over the years, why change our momentum” or most importantly, they don’t care enough to try to make a change. Simply stated, as things stand today, you as a woman, I repeat, are only getting .77 cents on average for every 1 dollar a man makes, doing the same work as you. If you don’t think it is an OUTRAGE and don’t really care, don’t waste your time finishing this blog. Just leave and get busy doing something less frustrating to you, (I have a strong urge to say “like burying your head in the sand,” but that’s not nice). If being a second class citizen without any interest in making the effort for equality is O.K. with you, bye-bye. Have a nice day and hope you come back to read my next blog, it will probably be about dating or male-female relationships. But I have daughters, granddaughters and I strongly believe in justice for all women now, so I’m in it to help accomplish the progress women deserve.

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The end of the last paragraph could be yours and one of Americas longest running problems.  While doing research for this blog, I came across a black and white photo dated 1872. It showed six well dressed women behind a large sign saying ” No self respecting woman should wish or work for the success of a  a party that ignores her.” For over one hundred and forty-two years, leaders of your gender have been trying to get a constitutional guarantee (amendment) that will make women equal to men.  You really should want to work to make it better, at least care enough to hear my very workable suggestions and how to get them accomplished. It’s not going to be easy, but let’s at least look into it and try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

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The Constitution is a brilliant document, though not perfect. But for it’s time and under the difficult contentious conditions when it was written, it had great wisdom and foresight. Our founders included a provision to be able to change or add to the Constitution when an amendment was voted in by the representative branches of Congress, and we have done it as a nation 27 times. In my opinion, there were some glaring errors in the original document, for example, they concluded that a black person was considered 3/5th of a human being. I don’t know how or why they arrived at that percentage. The southern states, (the confederacy), that was willing to risk fighting to the death of it’s brave young men to preserve the right to own slaves, simply because they considered slaves their property, just as if they were; a mule, a horse, or any other possession. They still remain sore losers, for example, the Confederate flag is still a significant part of the state flag of Mississippi. The south, through its many still racist politicians will still not let slavery die, by consistently voting to continue making it progressively more difficult for minorities to vote, violating the intent of the constitution at every election. The members of the state assembly voted to close down the voting booths on the weekend before Election Day. On the Monday before Election day, they closed down some of the voting machines. Then on Election day they shut down the polling places for several hours while people are waiting on long lines to vote. Instead of making it easier to vote they do the opposite, especially in minority precincts. Their behavior is unconstitutional and an illegal act. I wish the Attorney General of the United States would get involved to guarantee citizens their legal access to the polling places.

Women do not have Constitutional protection. There should have been a 28th amendment called the Equal rights Amendment guaranteeing equal pay for equal work. It’s been “in the works but was never completely passed. It needed and still needs 2/3rds of Congress (the House of Representatives and the Senate) plus ratification from 38 states. At one point in our history we were very close to passing it, now mainly because of wealthy business people funding the conservatives, we are far away from granting women not only equal pay for equal work, but Constitutional equality to ensure those words; “all men are created equal,” “with liberty and justice for all,” “equal justice under the law,” “government of the people, by the people, and for the people,” should have applied equally to women.

I often wonder how many women have heard bits and pieces of all these patch-quilt bills created to help them to be considered equal, but the fact remains that women are still not guaranteed equality with men under the Constitution of the United Sates of America. The first 10 Amendments, called the Bill of Rights, should have guaranteed ALL citizens equality before the law is still an unfulfilled dream after all these many decades. To supplement and attempt to guarantee the closing of loopholes, the Civil Rights Act, The Equal Pay Act of 1963, and recently The Lilly Ledbetter Act were all passed to help guarantee equality. Just last week I watched Eric Cantor look right at  us through the television screen and say so convincingly that he was in favor of voting to pass the new Paycheck Fairness Act, while he was secretly arranging a filibuster to stop it in it’s tracks. The Republican House Whip, whipped his cohorts into a frenzy to unanimously vote AGAINST the bill leaving women where we are still stuck, being 77% of a mans 100%, in terms of pay.

Now what? Tomorrow, in my next Blog, I will tell you how we can accomplish our goals for equality.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

Visit my Webpage:  www.stophatingdating.com or you can visit me @ http://www.twitter.com/martysavarick or http://www.facebook.com/101waystostophatingdating or Find my book @ http://www.amazon.com/author/martysavarick