My last blog was called “Confidence is the New SEXY.” People admire and are drawn towards confidence in others. The feeling radiates out and says to others, ” I know I’m good, I’m in charge of every situation, and if you want to be a winner, then you’d be wise to be with me.” Most insecure people yearn to be more confident, but they know it will take some time, so when they meet someone who has that overflowing confidence, they want in. They may feel that it will rub off on them if they hang around with that person.That translates to dating.
Simple solution right? Either you quickly develop your own confidence or you meet someone you’ll be with and learn from. Two great options, but what if becoming confident is being betrayed by your lack of courage, and you still haven’t met that special “friend” who’ll rub you to self-esteem, then you are back to where you started. Now what?
What we need to do, is break down the components of self-confidence and overcome the negatives, step by step. Do you actually believe that the majority of celebrities are “special?” Sure a lot of them have fame and fortune, but as the old saying goes, “there are over 100,000 talented actors, actresses, singers and dancers waiting on tables in order to survive financially. Why? Mostly because they haven’t been “discovered”…. yet. The famous ones are just like you and me or anyone else. They are people with the same fears, insecurities and concerns that we all have, but in varying degrees. Waiters may wonder if they’ll earn enough money to pay the rent, but insecure actors may wonder when they’ll work again, and if they may lose their big house. Most actors are as secure as the studio making money on their last film. There is always another actor to replace them, often for less, (or perhaps a “newly discovered” former waiter.) Here’s the secret to lose some of the “awe” of famous people; just visualize them sitting on the potty doing the Crossword Puzzle in the Enquirer balanced on a script, trying to juggle five things: the paper, the script, a pen, their glasses, and cell phone by using only two hands and hoping nothing important falls in.
Here’s how it translates to dating. “Some Enchanted Evening” you’ll see someone stunning across a crowded room and your first and only reaction is, I want to get to meet him/her. No thought EVER that Oh no, they’re out of my class. Visualize them on the potty, walk over with a smile on your face, (that the potty thought gave you), and just say Hi. I trust you to say something funny, interesting or as simple as “I saw you across the room and wanted to meet you.” Confidence is SEXY, but you need to work on it and here’s how.
What you need to know to make you more Confident
1) Sometimes you’re the Windshield, sometimes you’re the Bug. Either squasher or squashee, it doesn’t matter. You win some and lose some. It’s out of your hands.
2) Many people will want to date you, many, many others will not. Forget the second group, it’s their loss.Concentrate on the first group.
3) Go after what you want. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Would you really be content sitting home alone, rather than sloughing off a few rejections in order to find your next date or Soul Mate? You’ll never know unless you try.
4) Many daters have a pre-conceived notion of what they want, and will not give up their dream. Because they are unwilling to compromise, just move on. It’s their problem.
5) Many people way down deep feel they are “defective” somehow. They erroneously believe that dating is not about exploring options but simply by somehow getting “lucky”. It’s a cop out. Overcome that nonsense and just go for it.
6) Try to cut down making sweeping generalizations about people. Your initial impressions can be jaded by many factors, keep an open mind. If they’re close to your ideal, give them a chance.
7) Don’t look for excuses We often talk ourselves out of risk taking. So maybe you’re the Bug this time. At least you tried. Feel pride in yourself that you made the effort. That pride will translate into future attempts, and eventual success.
8) Be truthful, (almost always). When breaking up, sometimes a gentle little white-lie is preferable to the brutal truth.
9) Is there only one Soul Mate for you?…No!!! There are many. If you live 100 miles from the closest neighbor in Wyoming, maybe one, but in you live in Manhattan, you may have several Soul Mates in your high rise or on your street.
10) Remember; No one is out of your league. Be friendly and socialize. DO talk to strangers. Smile, say hi to everyone who smiles back. Good morning, good day and good evening also work magic. Socialize; mingle, kibitz, chat, be friendly, schmooze, and by being friendly you’ll be amazed how nice people can be. They will welcome your friendly nature. Who knows? you may just find a “friend with benefits”, or even better, a Soul Mate.
Tell me about your boost of confidence and how it has changed your life. When you can overcome rejection, you come to realize how terrific you are, and if someone rebuffs your friendly gesture, its their loss. Confidence is contagious!!
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