Finding Love After 50

I may have been remiss leaving out middle-age daters, whomever that vague age group includes. If I haven’t spoken a lot about seniors dating during my last 50+ blogs, believe me, it was an oversight. I was thinking about calling this one “Finding Love After 60 or 65 or 70, but then I would run out of room for the whole title. To be honest, the title, in order to be perfectly accurate should have been called, “How I found love after 65 and misplaced it, couldn’t find it, looked everywhere, and finally found it a few days later in the refrigerator, with my reading glasses and the TV remote.

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Trying to romance a potential soul mate, including “Dates from Hell, how to handle breaking up, and maintaining a life together are very complicated subjects that are impossible to cover in any one Blog. I’m going to try to touch upon the high spots and problem areas and remember my overriding theme is always “laughter is the best medicine.”

As a victim of the loss of a spouse, both widows and widowers,  have difficult yet diverse paths to follow.  There are also victims/survivors of a late in life divorce, but that’s a rarity. A new life situation faces each individual, and we know that everybody has to deal with a different set of circumstances. Every situation is different.

Each week on a Wednesday, my local newspaper prints it’s Society section featuring large charity events with several philanthropic couples posing for the media. I had this funny vision a while ago that the older gentlemen should be wearing, and then baring, a Tee-Shirt which says “She is NOT my Daughter, “She’s My Wife!!” Yes-sir-e, those rich old coots have no shame acquiring and showing off a trophy wife that could be 20, 30 or even 50 years younger (a la Hugh Hefner). Their contemporaries, the dowagers, with and without a hump, have much more dignity. They keep their boy toys out of view until later at night when they can play with the rock solid hard abs in complete privacy. Even when there is only one decade between them it’s part of “A heavenly plan.” Women reach their sexual peak from 28-35, men from 18-25.

Age different in relationship

But let take a look at an “average” single man or woman, from 45-75, often suddenly alone, in need of companionship or more. After a reasonable time for mourning, they cautiously embark on finding out what dating is really like, after so many years of only reading and hearing about it. Some of the spouses left behind by fate, choose to stay single. They feel that their spouse was the love of their life and are not interested in looking for a new soul mate. Some of them also feel that they have a full life with; friends, family and multiple interests and are not looking to get into the compromise business. Compromise, by definition means not doing what you REALLY want to do, but in the spirit of getting along, you give in, and give in, and yep, you got it. Another group are practically helpless. There are some men that were so dependent on their spouse, they cannot make a reservation for a meal, develop friends, many even don’t know how most of the appliances in the house work, including the computer. Some women I know never, I repeat never, learned how to drive, fortunately for them they have developed a circle of friends that chauffer them around.

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Let’s return to the majority, dipping their collective toes into the dating pool. Some older women I know are so old-fashioned that they think it is bad form to call up a man with the intention of asking for a date. Ladies, since I recommend becoming friends first, there is nothing socially or morally wrong about calling a male to go out Dutch treat as a friend just the way you, or he, would call a buddy to see a move, have a meal or, or go to a show together. See how you get along first before you even try to start regretting why your new “friend” couldn’t have first seen your body naked many years, or pounds, or wrinkles ago.

Now for the rest of the group, the more modern, cool, with it, sexy senior citizens. You may have read about the new phone apps where usually young singles join up FREE using a hot photo of themselves with a list of their parameters. They will end up with a group of candidates that favored their photo in return, and then they officially become a match. Then they’re on their own to continue to chat about a possible face to face, specifically where and when to connect. The members are so young and aggressive that the slogan people use about the sites are, “When you meet for a second time, expect to get laid.” My last year in college was the final year males and females were not permitted above the first floor of the Fraternity or Sorority house unescorted by an “adult.” The following year they were sharing bathrooms. Do you remember the words of Born too soon?

 Let’s again remove a small group of senior men slinging their ever limp equipment, who just want to add another notch on their ego gun handle or bedpost and just live to find’em,  feel’ em, fuck’ em, and forget’ em. If they can get a prescription for Viagra, Cialis, the pump or shots, the snake is on the make.

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Here is a problem for one of the remaining normal or good guys. He met her through friends, (usually the best, most successful way to succeed long term, 60%). They dated a few times, and when people are on their best behavior and know what annoyed their previous dates, they often hide those things pretty well. So here’s his dilemma, if after the third or fourth date you realize that she’s been hiding a deal breaker from you, how do you let her down easy; a face to face, a phone call, a disappearing act, or an e-mail?  He called an old female friend. They knew each other since childhood and were very close buddies. He told her the entire story, and she asked him if they had sex. He said no, but he knew she asked him out for the next date, was ready for sex and was angling for a sleepover. His wise old friend said these magic words to him; No penetration, no obligation. So they conspired to let her down easily with an e-mail talking about an old flame that just re-appeared back into his life and they’re going to try to work it out again. Telling the truth is preferable, but hurting someone’s feelings is cruel and un-necessary. Sometimes a benign lie is preferable to a malicious truth.

So my top 5 pieces of advice for the Seniors who are Dating are:

1) If you need to know what the rules are before you start dating again, It’s simple, there are NO rules. Just be yourself, use common sense and have fun.

2) Keep smiling; at a potential suitor, at strangers, people serving you, and practically everyone else. People want to be associated with others who are NICE and fun to be with, who have a full life that they would love to be part of.

3) Go slowly. Don’t make a commitment you’ll regret. Listen to your inner voice and your friends and family. Take your time before moving in and playing house. Trust AND verify.

4) If it looks like it could become serious, get to meet as many of their family, ex’s, contracts, obligations, children, friends and business associates as possible.

5) Be truthful about everything. Encourage honest dialogue no matter how painful it may be to discuss. It’s much better to know early on then when it can be painful for all involved to deal with the dreaded break-up. After interviewing about 1000 singles before writing my book, I know I would love to have just $10 for every former bride and groom told me this chilling line. “I knew I was making a mistake as I was walking down the aisle.”

Please tell us about your experiences, either if this subject matter applies to you, or know some Senior dating stories.

I love to write and I certainly LOVE to write for you.

Thanks,

Marty

HDCoverframed

You can also follow me at:

www.twitter.commartysavarick     www.facebook.com/martin.savarick

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