There are millions of unattached Singles out there with no Valentine plans for a romantic dinner, flowers, cards, hugging and lovemaking. So long as there is one special day celebrating love and romance, there will always be people who feel lonely, sad, and left out. Being alone can evoke such feelings, even though in part they are based on the illusion that all couples are happy and blissfully in love. We know that this is not the case. Are you one of the singles sitting on the sidelines or do you know anyone who is? If you care to change things and be part of a couple, why not start thinking and planning for the future right now. But before we do, let’s have a few moments of introspection and an intelligent reality check to see how to overcome this self imposed state of Valentines Days Blues:
1) Don’t define yourself by your relationship status. No one is bothering to point you out just because you just happen to be single.
2) Think about your strengths and qualities. Would you date yourself if you weren’t you? What changes would you make to become more desirable? What do you think other people like about you? Any compliment you may have heard from others? Are you Funny? Kind? Smart? Reminding yourself of some of your positive traits is a good recollection of just what a terrific person you are, even though you might be single right now.
3) Anticipate that Valentine’s Day may be a difficult day and plan accordingly. Pamper yourself. Go to the spa, treat yourself to a favorite dinner, hang out with your best single friends. Single-hood is not a curse, a disease or even a problem. Remember couple hood evokes feeling the loss of personal independence, and no longer making all your own decisions, oh, that dreaded word, compromise. So gather your friends and host a singles-only party.
4) Know that being alone on Valentines Day doesn’t mean you are unlovable or undatable. Even though the holiday may magnify the fact that you’re alone, it is only one day out of 365.
5) Don’t compare yourself to others. No one is pointing you out just because you are single.
6) Examine your thinking. People often make gross generalizations and false statements based on how they feel in the moment. Thinking “I’ll be alone forever” is not based on fact, but fiction. It’s feeling alone right now but to generalize and project that to the rest of your life is not a healthy or accurate way of thinking.
7) Use Valentine’s Day to think about what kind of person would make you happy. Someone who is compatible with you in the major areas that are important to you. Think of creative ways to meet such a person. If you love art, spend more times in Museums, take fun classes, volunteering for a passionate cause, socializing with your friends using different venues.
8) Recognize the huge role that consumerism and commercialization play in Valentine’s Day and celebrate all love, all the time, even which is often overlooked: family, friends, and colleagues.
How do most couples meet? The most current statistics indicate that most (63%) newly married couples met each other thru mutual friends. Online dating has grown to become much more acceptable. Approximately 40 million singles have tried online dating. It is the second most successful way married couples have met their spouse. Almost 1/3 of all newly married couple have met online. That doesn’t leave much room for all the many Matchmaking services, (less than 5%). One other interesting statistic too important not to mention…approximately 52% of Singles claim they are too busy or not interested in Dating.
Although about 2/3rds of all married couples met thru a friends fix-up. Many single women either are unaware of this statistic or haven’t asked for an introduction in quite a while. Your friends may love you, but fixing you up is not a priority in their busy lives. I’d bet, if you made the rounds and spoke to each of your close friends, asking them to put on their thinking caps to come up with potential dates, then fix you up with them, you will be pleasantly surprised by the results. As for the single men; you should contact every woman you know well and have them fix you up with who they feel is the perfect date/mate for you. You will be successful. It will take a couple of weeks of intensive effort on your part, but you’ll end up with lots of candidates for Valentine’s Day next year.
I’d like to thank Jonathan Albert; Licensed Psychotherapist, executive coach, columnist, and author of “Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days” for the column he wrote in the Huffington Post. His words and thoughts were very useful providing much of the information in this Blog.
Happy Valentine’s Day and Good Luck,
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